are normal blokes romantic?

Butterfliesarepretty

Hi Maggie,

I think you need to write down all the bad points and the really good points and weigh them up. Do you do things for him in the hope you get something in return? Does he excite you, make you feel good in some way?

My parents don't bother with birthdays or xmas much and never visit their children or grandchildren. they are unemotional yet their siblings are the opposite.

I prefer to date men who love giving and receiving attention all the time and are romantic as I am too. I need affection a lot as I never got any from mum and dad so can understand where you are coming from.

People can not change and it sounds as if he does not even notice the things he is not making an effort for. Try not to criticise him and spend an evening together and talk it through. If he does not see a problem with his actions then you have to ask yourself 'can I be happy with him as he is?'

Good luck.

Incisor

You describe him as a 'bloke' and expect 'romantic'? 'Bloke' is the subclass of male which does not do 'romantic'.

Pooky23

My DH of 10+ years rarely surprises me with romantic gestures such as flowers, love notes and gifts etc. However, he tells me daily how much he loves me. He tells me that I am beautiful and how happy he is to have a lovely family. This to me is far more important than gifts. I know he values me and the children above all else and would rather spend time with us than be out at the pub/football.

Btw, he also never actually formally proposed to me either!! There was always just a quiet understanding between us that we would always be together forever. Part of me would have loved all that "getting down on bended knee" stuff but I don't dwell on it.

We celebrate birthdays and our wedding anniversary but we usually make the children a priority at Xmas. It makes me sad to think of you alone on Xmas Day last year...I do hope this Xmas is better for you and your little girl. Do try and talk to your husband about how you are feeling.

Pssst

OMG Maggirl,this sounds pretty grim. I'll admit I'm no Richard Gere myself but i think when you cant be bothered to make an effort for birthdays,anniversary and Christmas then its time to reasses the relationship and either fix it or move on. Your OH sound like he is either very lazy or doesnt actually care anymore.

FingersCrossed_2

Hey Maggirl, I feel really sad reading your post. I think the answer to this isn't to focus on what your OH does or doesn't do but to focus on what you want.

I was with someone for 8 years on and off. I got so frustrated because he was completely unromantic, unthoughtful and at times unkind. I convinced myself that this was normal and that my expectations were too high. The last birthday I was with him was a real turning point. The day before my birthday he asked if he could borrow a tenner to get me a present, he then asked me to run him in to town and wait in the car while he went and got my present. When we got home he asked if I had any paper (I only had Christmas paper) and the next day I was rewarded for my cooperation with a bathroom sponge - that was my birthday present! Now I am not materialistic at all but that pushed me over the edge. This was just one of many incidents (some birthdays I got nothing) and I too once had a Christmas day spent feeling very lonely and sad (I found on Christmas Eve that he had posted an ad on a dating site asking for a discreet relationship!) . Anyway, after all those years I suddenly had a moment of clarity when I realised that there was no point in being angry with him, I couldn't force him to change - it was me that wanted something different. So I sat him down one day and said I thought we should split up. I told him that I wanted to be with someone who adored me, who couldn't imagine being with anyone but me and who couldn't stop himself spoiling me. I told him that I wanted the dream and that he deserved that too. If our relationship had no spark then obviously neither of us were fully happy. He just said ok - no fight for the relationship and no emotion!

Anyway, I spent a year and a half feeling lonely and sad but decided to keep busy and rebuild MY life. Suddenly out the blue I met the man of my dreams. He is everything I could have ever wanted and more. He adores me and I him. And you know, it isn't always the obvious romantic gestures that make me realise how lucky I am. It's subconscious actions - last night I made a whimper in bed as I turned over (I have a sore back). OH reached over and started rubbing my back - he was completely asleep. Those are the moments that make me realise that you should never settle for second best.

I guess in a really long winded way I am saying you deserve so much more. So many people settle for relationships that they have to work at or where they have lost the spark. I don't suggest that you give up on your marriage without great consideration but I would say that you deserve absolute happiness. Your other half should be just that - your rock and the one person you can depend on above all else. If your marriage isn't providing this I don't think it is right for you, him or your wee one.

Good Luck.

angela6834

DKLS wrote: »

Not sure if I am a normal bloke or not, but heres my take:
I personally try to do something romantic every day, whether its:
Telling her I love her
Leaving daft notes in the fridge, in her handbag, in the biscuit tin etc
Running a bath with lots of bubbles, candles and a G&T (And not expecting a shag afterwards)
Foot Rubs
Shoulder Massages
Head & Neck massages (I went on an Indian Head massage course - Major brownie points gained with that one)
Surpise Gifts, could be a bar of chocolate, doesnt have to be expensive.
Reminding her how clever she is and how proud she makes me feel.
Long sloppy snogs etc
Extra special effort made for B'day as it falls a few days after Xmas day.

The OPs man should watch out, one day he may wake and found he has lost his love.

You sound just like my OH( all except the notes!)...to be honest both him and I would say he is not overly romantic...but he is considerate of my feelings as i am his. He makes me feel special every single day just to have him in my life.

Can I just ask OP what she feels she gets out of this relationship?

AnnieM_3

You say he's like it with his family too? It sounds like depression, maybe...

Either that or he is actually just a bit selfish, or only self-interested?

Mrs_Ryan

My OH isnt terribly romantic either.

Birthdays/Christmas/anniversary, he chucks me the Argos catalogue and tells me to pick something!!! This Xmas, I've pulled out all the stops and bought him a PS3 plus a game, I've bought him clothes,(quite a lot of them) smellies, a DVD he wants, plus the limited edition Leicestershire Monopoly I knew he wanted but cost 25 quid... Im also travelling halfway across London when I go on a trip there next month to get him some special mustard from Harrods I know he loves, plus Im getting him the Leicester Tigers away shirt as another surprise (45 quid....)
I told him I wanted a big surprise for Christmas, and was hinting about a diamond ring. Instead he announced he was intending to buy me a portable DVD player whether I wanted it or not and chucked me the Argos catalogue again...! for our anniversary I bought him a 45 quid MP3 player and he bought me a £15 quid necklace which he moaned about the cost of....!!!
He refuses to marry me, says he doesnt want me getting pregnant and refuses even to get a pet so if we split he can keep his house and all his money himself and wont have to pay me a penny for any reason!!!
I love him really though....!!!!!!!!!!!

dixxi30

swiss69 wrote: »

Most men are not very romantic. There are exceptions and some men will make an effort even if it doesnt come naturally but yours sounds like he has no feelings at all! The xmas thing last year is just weird. People who have no or little feeling or emotion have usually got some deep rooted problem that has made them that way.

It is a two way street though isnt it. How many women on here can honestly say that they still make an effort with their men - ie Not slobbing around in pj's/tracksuits, not bothering with how they look, always putting kids first whatever the situation etc...Why do you think men ogle other girls when they are out with their mates - These girls are done up to the nines and they have forgotten what thats like!

If you want to keep a man attentive you need to keep him on his toes. We like the chase and like to think that our partners are attractive to others as it stirs up our competitive spirit and you will soon notice a difference....Unless your partner is a possesive lunatic that is who flies of the handle if you make an effort cos he thinks you are having an affair!

In your case though i think he may have deeper issues

i agree with most of what you have said. im not the sort too slob around at home if you take pride in your self so will your man.show him lots of affection and you should get lots in return men love the chase.so always keep him on his toes.
im not sure about affairs but it has been know to put a randon picture on my blog and make out i know the guy.too get a reaction and it worked... zoz
once you become complacent thats when a man will look else where.some times it neccersary to put the kids first.it doesn`t mean we value our men any less.

Savvy_Sue

Hectors_House wrote: »

He does have his male bad points like cleaning the ferret's hammocks in the kitchen sink whilst it's got our dishes in there but I just clean up after him.

:eek::eek::eek: Seriously, that's beyond the pale. :rotfl: A bloke could be as romantic as DKLS but that would end our relationship.

To the OP, I can only suggest you get relationship counselling, and I'd get in ahead of the Christmas rush. Even if he won't go with you, you can go to Relate on your own.