Leaving my husband

rolo-polo1965

Hi

Oh for goodness sake. I have just told hubby i have had my mortgage approved.

He asked me when i want to move? I told him "I will hopefully be ready to move in 6-8 weeks As soon as everything is sorted which will take about 6-8 weeks, i would want the kids to be settled before they return to school in September as they are my priority."

He said "i dont think that i will be in a position to move that quickly, i require the money from endowments first to start looking for house/flat."

I told him, "We either do this or we sell the house. If i buy you out it is quicker but i am not prepared to mess around. If we are going to do this then we do it sooner rather than later.I am prepared to buy you out to get things moving quickly, and to give the kids some security as in owning a house rather than renting and having to move at a months notice, as it is not fare on them."

He tells me "dont remember you giving the kids notice when you took them away from their home or me before. they seemed to have managed and i am sure they will be ok.i am not messing about but i need the endowment money to put down as deposit and you told me before that you wouldnt be able to move before you got that. if you cant wait until then, lets put the house up for sale and see if it sells any quicker, i dont think so but if that is what you want then ok. i want somewhere the kids can come and see me as well as them seeing you all the time."

I told him "Either i buy you out when my mortgage comes through or i take you to court and i will be able to move back home with the kids for the next 5 years and then we can sell it and you will have no house money till then. The choice is yours." Not sure if i can do this but i thought it was worth a try

He then told me "I think you will also find that i still have a right to stay in house as well. you have no right to chuck me out as you were not threatened with violence neither were the children. is that what you want. "

i have not replied.

I knew it would not be simple, i have an appointment with soliciter on Wednesday so will discuss it with her.

Any one out there got any ideas?
Thanks

msb5262

Hello Rolo,
I bet you feel as if this is the last straw. Don't panic, your ex is just trying to press all your buttons and make you feel he's still in control - and you know that now you've taken control.
I don't know what the legal position is but morally you are in the right - and on a practical level, how about suggesting that your ex moves into the house you've been renting until he gets the money and can buy something? That must be big enough for the kids to come and visit. Or he can rent elsewhere.
Your argument about getting the children well settled as soon as possible is a strong one - and you can reply to him by pointing out that you and the children had all the difficulties associated with having to move out, this time it's his turn.
Stay calm. Don't let this minor problem put all your successes so far out of your mind. Get to the solicitor on Wednesday and she'll sort you out.
All the best,
MsB x

Emmzi

what a @@@e. hopefully solicitor will have some good ideas.

he's just kicking off cos you are doing so well!! stay strong. court will indeed rule you get to stay in the house.

rolo-polo1965

Well i have agreed with Hubby that I will try and delay my mortgage and I can take over the house from the end of September, this means i can move in with the kids over October half term and use weekends and evenings in October to decorate.

This is not ideal but it is a compramise.

He has agreed the amount of money he wants as well.

So hopefully things will work out, fingers crossed.

Been and signed and swore on my aferdavit as well so that has gone to the courts so should get decri nisi soon i hope.

rolo-polo1965

Well we have agreed that i can take over the house on 20th September.

Yesterday i recieved my written mortgage offer so thats good, they did a drive by valuatiion so hubby did not know they were doing it so that was good.

So after 20th September it will be all habds on deck to decorate the house and then clean this one ready to hand the keys back on 24th October.

I am so pleased that things seem to be going inthe right direction

msb5262

Excellent news - congratulations, Rolo. I've been keeping an eye open for your latest and was very pleased to see this.
MsB x

yoni_one

Oh last time I was around these parts you were waiting to hear from the underwriters, I am so thrilled to hear that things are now progressing well.

You never know what you may find round corners between now and September but from all that you have told us you seem well equipped to deal with whatever he tries.

So it's going to be all yours in just over 2 and a half months eh? YAYAYAYAYAY :T

Can you just clarify, the house becomes yours in September and you move in in October, will he be living in the property after it becomes fully yours? If so please try and put some form of measure in place to let him know that he will be made accountable if he makes any attempts to devalue your property. He just may not be treat the property with respect once it is fully yours is all.

I have to say Rolo, your approach has been very focussed from the get go, I really really admire you.

Mely

Excellent news Rolo, im so pleased for you! xxxx

rolo-polo1965

When the house soley becomes mine on 20th September then he will have moved out.

This does mean that i will be paying rent and mortgage for one month as i am not prepared to give notice on my house till the house is mine.

It will be worth it though. As i want to decorate the house before i move in.

yoni_one wrote: »

Oh last time I was around these parts you were waiting to hear from the underwriters, I am so thrilled to hear that things are now progressing well.

You never know what you may find round corners between now and September but from all that you have told us you seem well equipped to deal with whatever he tries.

So it's going to be all yours in just over 2 and a half months eh? YAYAYAYAYAY :T

Can you just clarify, the house becomes yours in September and you move in in October, will he be living in the property after it becomes fully yours? If so please try and put some form of measure in place to let him know that he will be made accountable if he makes any attempts to devalue your property. He just may not be treat the property with respect once it is fully yours is all.

I have to say Rolo, your approach has been very focussed from the get go, I really really admire you.

ambyence

I have only read up to page 8 of these threads but just wanted to say well done and massive congratulations to you OP. I’ve been nearly crying throughout as your situation sounds so much like the one my mum was in a few years ago.:o

This is my story and I apologise in advance for hijacking your thread! My mum was in an abusive relationship with my dad for nearly 20 years.

It all started off OK but by the time I was around 6 and my brother was 8 my dad started drinking heavily every night. My mum shielded us from this as long as she could but children do have a sense for when things are not right. It became apparent in about 1990 (we were 8 and 10 by then) that we no longer had a dad, just a man who lived in our house, went straight from work to the pub, stayed there until he couldn’t drink any more, then came home and abused us mentally, emotionally and physically. This carried on for years and I honestly do not know how my mum coped, as she never confided in anyone (she has since told me she was embarrassed and blamed herself). At one point the police were called after a particularly drunken rage where he broke furniture and threatened all three of us, plus his elderly mother who was living with us at the time – he was warned that if anything violent in our house ever happened again he would be arrested – after that he swore he would change. It never happened. A couple of months later he physically attacked my then 16-year-old brother. The memories of my brother’s devastation at this betrayal, and his resulting despair, will never leave me. Still my dad carried on drinking. Shortly after that, he threatened to “break my legs and face” (unprovoked attack I should add) and my mum got between the two of us to stop him. I was wishing at the time that she hadn’t, that he had really hurt me, so that the police could be called again and he would be forced to leave. I’ve since learnt that it’s quite extreme to hate your own dad so much that you actively want him to inflict violence on you so that they can’t hurt your family any more.

We eventually moved out in 1997. It took a six-month period of quietly moving clothes, furniture etc to a friend of my mum’s who was kind enough to offer storage.

After twelve months of the three of us living in a two-bedroom flat with no heating, my dad eventually agreed to move out in time for my brother’s 18th birthday celebrations.

My parents began divorce proceedings and, ironically, have never got on better. The first year they were separated was the first year they went Christmas shopping together.

So many people feel that that all children deserve two loving parents but from my experience (which I hope is not the majority), surely it is better to have one loving parent than two feuding ones.

Anyway I wish you all the best OP. From your children’s point of view, and your own, I feel that you have done the right thing. Incidentally, my brother has just got married to a wonderful girl and I know he will be a fantastic husband and father. There will be hope, and good times, after devastating events.

Ambs xxx