Leaving my husband

rolo-polo1965

Had a nice suprise today hubby brought round the signed divorce papers. I was rather shocked as he emailed me at the weekend to say he was not signing them.

I will drop them off at soliciters on the way to work in the morning.

Thats the divorce another step closer.

yoni_one

Another step closer, that is great news!

I absolutely do not want to knock any progress, and it is great that he is being compliant at the moment but just in case he may have some hidden agenda and needs you to think he is on side, please please still keep on your guard and stay safe rolo.

xx

rolo-polo1965

On Thursday last week i went and booked a matrimonial valuation. Booked it for this afternoon, did not tell hubby till this morning.

Rang him left several messages and eventually spoke to him. He agreed to the valuation but when i siahd i would see him later he told me i was not welcome in his house, and became very verbally abusive. Calling me names and swearing at me so i hung up.

This afternoon i took my daughter and we sat outside the house waiting for the surveyer to arrive. I spoke to him explaining that my husband was refusing to allow me in, he told me he would talk to me after.

While he was in the house hubby came and and spoke to me. Telling me:

• You hurt me
• You made me out to be a bad father
• I did everything for you
• I just sat there

The surveyer came out, thanked me told me i would recieve a letter from them soon.

Hubby then came back;

• You should have given me a chance
• I only wanted to do what is right
• There is no point me fighting the divorce as it will cost bme £10,00 to do that, so i am not
• If you push me too far you will loose as i will walk out of my job and you will suffer

Well i wont suffer as the only thing i will loose is the csa money and ias yet i have not recieved anything. He will loose out.

Eventually i had enough and started my car telling him i needed to go and cook tea for our children and he shouted obsenaties at me and shouted "I hope you rot in hell"

I have logged all this.

On arriving home he emailed me saying "All i wanted was a chance to put things right".

I will just wait for the letter from the surveyer and then decide what i am going to do.

So by shouting and swearing at me that shows he is tring to put things right, I don't think so.

So i

yoni_one

Rolo you seem to be handling this with appropriate caution and great dignity which is not easy when you are still faced with his abusive behaviour alongside his very odd attempts to 'put things right'.

I really hope you feel as proud of yourself as you should. Your children are not only learning the valuable lesson that controlling behaviour is unacceptable, but you are also teaching them how to take back control of your own life, and as difficult as that journey can be, the eventual rewards are very much worth it.

xx :T

Marg

Rolo-polo - I can't tell you how much I admire your strength of mind & resolve.

I realise it hasn't been an easy journey & we have only seen a glimmer of how it is for you but Well Done for showing it can be done. That sounds patronising - I don't mean it to be but can't express it any other way M x

msb5262

Hello again Rolo,
This all sounds very stressful for you - I'm sorry you're really being put through it all. Hopefully it's just serving to strengthen your resolve and reinforcing the sense that you're doing the right thing. I'm knocked out at your determination and refusal to give in. Keep going for your sake and the children's...you're getting there.
Very best wishes,
MsB

rolo-polo1965

I don't mind admitting my heart was poundinmg while i was sitting there. But that's another step on my journey to freedom

k2tog

You really are getting there Rolo. Well done for dealing with it all and well done for seeing his "putting things right" for what it is.
Be kind to yourself.

yoni_one

I would be very surprised if you heart hadn't been pounding!

You have taken so many brave steps to get to where you are on your journey to freedom, and I imagine each one gets the heart racing.

You have distanced yourself from his attempts to abuse you and the kids by taking back control over you. That is WELL DIFFICULT but you are doing it every day and sticking at it.

Kudos to you.

Stay safe xxx

spirit

rolo-polo1965 wrote: »

While he was in the house hubby came and and spoke to me. Telling me:

• You hurt me
• You made me out to be a bad father
• I did everything for you
• I just sat there

T

• You should have given me a chance
• I only wanted to do what is right
• There is no point me fighting the divorce as it will cost bme £10,00 to do that, so i am not
• If you push me too far you will loose as i will walk out of my job and you will suffer

On arriving home he emailed me saying "All i wanted was a chance to put things right".

I'm sure I'm not the only one rolo who has heard all of the above before. You already know that he's used up all his chances, had all his opportunities.

Then like a naughty child says if he can't get his own way you will suffer (by him not working)

The only sensible thing he's said is that he's not going to contest the divorce.

However, these chaps often change their minds once they are sat in front of their solicitor.

I think you are handling it admirable and with dignity. Tremendously difficult, but continue to do this and you won't go far wrong. I also agree with Yoni one that you still need to keep on your guard and stay safe. :A