OH's children-aargh

anguk

claire1234 wrote: »

lol!
no it was there choice to stop coming here every weekend,
in feb they walked out and their mum has stopped them from coming,
sorry if i worded it wrong

Does their Dad still have some sort of contact with them? I'm not judging because obviously I don't know the whole story or what you/them have gone through but it must have got pretty bad for them to decide not to visit anymore.

I come from the other side of the story, a step-mother who found it very hard to accept my father had children, who made us all feel very uncomfortable when we were there. It finally got to a point where my father sided with her and cut off contact with the elder children and when the younger kids got older they just drifted away too, he now has no contact with any of his kids.

I think being a step-parent can be a thankless task and a very difficult role to take on but it is also very hard for the kids. They're raised one way with one set of rules but then someone else comes along and they're expected to fit in with their rules etc.

coldstreamalways

My OH tries to see his DD three or four times a week because they only live 30min away but she generally prefers to spend time out with her friends, when I chat to her, she seems to be either always out with her friends or having friends round to her mum's house.

I don't want anyone to think that I resent the children, it's great having them and I'm so flattered that they come over of their own accord as I feel they have now accepted me. The reason I posted on here is (as the post title says) to have a rant and get it off my chest.

I know they will be a drain for a long time and OH gives his DS petrol money every other week despite DS having a full time job.

Robin, how am I supposed to know that this is what to expect off a 14yo? I have already said I have no experience of children (to me that is anyone under about 20!), I can barely remember what I was like at that age and I was probably perfect (yeah right!) so it has been helpful hearing what other "real" parents have been through. Just because I fell in love with a man who has children, it doesn't automatically confer the skills of parenting onto me.


I would have re-heated the chips for myself tomorrow night as OH works away on Mondays and Tuesdays and that's when I get most of my money saving done!!

anguk

coldstreamalways wrote: »

I would have re-heated the chips for myself tomorrow night as OH works away on Mondays and Tuesdays and that's when I get most of my money saving done!!

That's funny, I do most of my money saving when my OH isn't around too! He was recently in hospital for a week and I saved loads despite having to pay for hospital parking, Patientline TV and the many things he wanted taking in.

I would put a small amount of food on their plates and put the rest in tureens or something on the table, then if they want more they can help themselves but if they don't at least the food in the tureens is unspoilt and can be reheated.

Debt_Free_Chick

JWM wrote: »

Sorry but thats what happens when you date a man with children. You will come second (or third or forth if he has more than one child),

Please tell me you're a man .....????

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Oldernotwiser

I can understand people saying that this behaviour is normal in a teenager but I'm surprised how many people feel that it's acceptable! Surely nobody needs to just put up with bad behaviour?

spinning_hamster_wheel

daphne_descends wrote: »

How sad for those poor children

I know how they feel, my stepmum was a right !!!!! too.

So you are basing your replies to the OP on your own experiences of having a step parent?
I take it you think it's OK to waste money, play parents against each other and trash houses?

A teenager is not a "child" in the strict sense, if my kids ever behaved like this I would be appalled. Yes, teenagers can be hormonal wrecks who believe the world DOES revolve around them but there is still a difference between right and wrong!!

Spirit_2

coldstreamalways wrote: »

I would have re-heated the chips for myself tomorrow night as OH works away on Mondays and Tuesdays and that's when I get most of my money saving done!!

Now I am truly sorry I asked:rotfl: Mr Spirit works away a lot, thats the time when our expenditure drops too......but there are limits and reheating leftovers off someones plate is definately taking money saving too far for me:eek: ..........Goes away to think thoughts that are nothing to do with leftovers.

Savvy_Sue

If it's bothering the OP that they're wasting food, ungrateful etc, then this is a problem for her to resolve with her partner, NOT directly with the children.

Whatever their age, a united front and an agreed strategy go a long way. Once the strategy has been agreed, both the grownups can stick to it: the phrase "Your dad and I agree that ..." But it's a brave step parent who makes their own rules and tries to put them into force unaided ...

coldstreamalways

Spirit wrote: »

Now I am truly sorry I asked:rotfl: Mr Spirit works away a lot, thats the time when our expenditure drops too......but there are limits and reheating leftovers off someones plate is definately taking money saving too far for me:eek: ..........Goes away to think thoughts that are nothing to do with leftovers.

Ha ha! I know it's dreadful but it saves me doing a proper meal for myself, I have some cold meat from our sunday roast, some salad and some hot chips with Mayo mmmmmmmmmmm. *Can't wait til Monday Supper!!*

Older not wiser and spinning hamster wheel-thank you.

Savvy_Sue

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Whatever their age, a united front and an agreed strategy go a long way. Once the strategy has been agreed, both the grownups can stick to it: the phrase "Your dad and I agree that ..." But it's a brave step parent who makes their own rules and tries to put them into force unaided ...

Actually, it's a brave PARENT who makes their own rules and tries to put them into force unaided. :rotfl: