OH's children-aargh

Lunar_Eclipse

The other thing to mention is that most 14 year olds, especially girls, wouldn't go to the cinema with their Dad. Let alone bring a friend - or three! So he/you are obviously doing a lot right if that is the case. Well done!

Concur with the others that the behaviour would be the same if they were your children. Bite your lip, talk, love and cherish the next few years before they are all grown up. Some excellent suggestions re: cheaper meals, serving themselves etc.

And I never could afford to put more than £5 petrol in the car at 18. A quarter of a tank was considered full. He may well be 'expecting' Dad to assist with this when he visits, but I can remember my Dad doing the same and at least your OH can enjoy a glass of wine with dinner.

anguk

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

The other thing to mention is that most 14 year olds, especially girls, wouldn't go to the cinema with their Dad. Let alone bring a friend - or three! So he/you are obviously doing a lot right if that is the case. Well done!

So true! My DD has just turned 15 and the role of her Dad is to just drive her and her friends wherever they want to go, he mustn't do anything to "embarrass" her or try to engage her friends in conversation.

I noticed the op also said the older boy was ace, well that's probably because he's older now and lives away! I'd guess when he was younger he was just the same as the other two. You just have to bite your tongue and remember that they do grow up and leave home one day! :rotfl: Although if they're anything like my DS21 they keep coming back! :rolleyes:

claire1234

hiya,

i totally understand, i am in the exact same position as you.

my oh has 2 kids aged 13 & 14, pure you-no-wots!

it is very hard to bite your toungue but have "chats" with you oh about it, as time goes by he will see whats going on,
my oh`s children would tell that many lies it has got my oh in sooo much trouble, always wanting more money,

with the food wastage - i put there tea on the table (stuff obiously they liked) with extras in bowls, said they ate what is on there plate or they dont get more, also said they waited half an hour before pudding, (oh`s son was very greedy)

they will play you off against each other so just stay strong, im afraid its all kids nowadays, my oh`s 2 kids played me & my fella off so much one night i left our house & went to a b&b - they were literally driving me crazy!
went i came home they had trashed my house!

with us its comes to the point were we have had to stop seeing the kids to get our with our relationship, dont get me wrong we both love them to bits but if we didnt put a stop to it they would have ruied our relationship.

stay strong, dont forget they are going to grow up and get lifes of there own, you make sure you keep your relationship.

hth
good luck

quick edit: the kids decide not to come round anymore then the mother has put a full stop on it,
the father has always wanted the kids with him and he did not walk out the mother did and took the kids.

daphne_descends

claire1234 wrote: »

with us its comes to the point were we have had to stop seeing the kids to get our with our relationship, dont get me wrong we both love them to bits but if we didnt put a stop to it they would have ruied our relationship.

How sad for those poor children

I know how they feel, my stepmum was a right !!!!! too.

Errata

one night i left our house & went to a b&b - they were literally driving me crazy!
went i came home they had trashed my house!

If their dad was content to not stop them - don't blame the kids.

Kids of any age can be difficult, the mere fact that a father has left puts them at increased risk of poor physical and mental health and poorer academic achievment. Sadly for many of them they don't have the one thing they need and want - a father living with them.

splishsplash

coldstreamalways wrote: »

I just wanted a quick rant, my fiance has three children, 20, 18 and 14. The 20yr old is ace but he lives in Scotland so we only see him two or three times a year. The other two are lovely and I love them to bits but they are leeches!
The two of them are so wasteful it's unbelievable, OH feels he has to give them whatever they ask for because he clearly no longer lives with them and still feels a bit guilty. They come round for supper twice a week and for example-Last night they asked for steak and chips, 14yo daughter ate about three chips and no steak and drank one third of the coke can she had asked for and then demanded pudding, he had bought some cheesecake (which she had asked for) three mouthfuls and didn't want anymore!

Then she wants money for a school trip and shopping and moile phone top ups (to be fair he sticks to her pocket money as agreed with her mum and they share the cost of school trips etc) but she never ever says thank you.
18yo son drives the two of them over with not enough petrol to get home, so OH has to give him money to get them both home AND HE STILL NEVER SAYS THANK YOU! I have just thrown away two half drunk cans of coke and the chips etc they didn't eat because they still smother them in sauce etc.

I do love the children to bits but is there any way I can get them to realise that they are pouring our money away?

I don't think they're leeches, they sound perfectly normal to me.

The 14 year old's behaviour at the dinner table sounds like most teenage girls I know, including my own, who will moan about how starving she is, then leave half her dinner behind and moan about how full she is:rolleyes: .

Ditto with the petrol - I'd expect no different!

Is that the only contact they have with their Dad? What happens on weekend/holiday sleepovers, longer stays? A couple of hours twice a week doesn't sound like a lot to me?

I'm with the majority on this one, bite your tongue and realise the children will not have a realistic understanding of money until they have to budget their own.

I also don't think they are pouring your money away - kids are expensive! They are going to be a 'drain' on their Dad's pocket for a while yet...

robin_banks

I think the phrase leeches is harsh to say the least, the sound like very typical teens tbh , i.e. they have to potential to be stroppy demanding and rude on demand, as I no doubt was as mine no doubt will be.

I think you're massively overreacting to a situation millions of parents up and down the land experience on a daily basis, without wising to offend it may not be just the kids who have a bit of growing up to do.?

System

why not try to get them involved in plating the food then they can put on the amount they want.

claire1234

daphne_descends wrote: »

How sad for those poor children

I know how they feel, my stepmum was a right !!!!! too.

lol!
no it was there choice to stop coming here every weekend,
in feb they walked out and their mum has stopped them from coming,
sorry if i worded it wrong

seven-day-weekend

I'm just so glad I never had to deal with a teenage girl., I think on the whole they are foul!. Just had the one boy who was fine (although he was a really horrible toddler).

OP, I agree with others, it's what Little Miss Teenage Girl does,just try and bear with it and one day she will grow up and you can take great delight in pointing out how awful she used to be.