Does Being broke turn you into a grump

icka

Hey Guys

I feel terrible, I am usually a nice, good person. But I have just done something horrible. Poor Glen0000 posted a thread, about how he could only afford to spend £200 a month on entertainment and how he is bored.

So I got mad and said that he was so lucky and he should volunteer or something. Sorry Glen. Basically my point is some people dont/can't spend that in a year.

My point which I am trying to get too. I think being broke is turning me into a nagging, grumpy, jealous person. I think I was jealous that he could spend £200 a month on entertainment. I am jealous of people who never have to think before they pick up the phone and dial for a chinese. A take away for me, I could put that money towards a christmas gift for a family member.

A girl at work today was in town at the weekend and bought new black boots. OMG I used to love shoes, like I couldnt pass a shoe shop, now I dont even allow myself look in the window. Her boots were £120. I couldn't even bring myself to tell her they were lovely (which they were). I just said ouch and that I had to rush to a meeting. I physically got a lump in my throat. £120 I could pay 3 direct debits or it could make a good dent in one cc. I just can't dream of spending that on myself. I have now starting buying all my creams in Aldi, and they are great to be honest.

But I wish i didn't begrudge other people being able to spend so frivously. In 6 months I will be DF. And I promise I will never ever spend beyond my means again.

Do you think Ill become a nicer, less grumpy person when Im DF, rather than watching every penny and thinking. That money could go towards this bill or that bill. Or maybe my DF journey has changed me for ever. But maybe thats a good thing a really good thing.

So to sum up Glen my apologies, I'm just a grump, your £200 could give me oil in my tank, so I wouldn't be sitting with two pairs or socks a jumper and a duvet. So don't mind me I'm just jealous :rotfl:

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Miss_Piggy_2

Icka, don't worry about it. We have all been there. I have to bite my tongue sometimes when someone winges about how "little" they have to spend, when in reality its a huge amount. And yes, its jealousy. Not something we can help unfortunately!
My husband says I'm obsessed, beacuse if he spends £10 on an impulse buy I just think of the nappies I could have bought, or the bill I could have paid, or the amount of FOOD i could buy for that money. He reminds me a balance has to be there.
Like I said, don't worry about it. I'm sure Glen didn't take it personally.

Miss P
xx

Fag_ash_lil

Hi icka,

Have just read your post and must say , that it made me look up your original post to Glen0000 to see what you had said !!

I don't know why ... but i was expecting something awful :rolleyes: ...

I was very wrong ..... I would imagine that alot of people who are in debt would agree with everything that you said . I know i do ..... I think it sounded spot on and was well written ....

As for being jealous and grumpy .... i think debt makes most of us feel like that at some time or another ...

In the past i never really took any notice of what other people where spending .... but when you're skint everybody seems to be walking around with unnecessary shopping bags !!

I think we all get a " touch of " the green eyed monster " especially when we feel our lives are pretty sh*te at the moment ....but hey ho ... that's life !

If it's any consolation ... I'll be jealous of you when you are DF in 6 months !!

Good luck ....

terri x

ltm07

It does get you like that Icka & many people including myself do feel the same way sometimes. Personally what made us start to feel better about life was to loosen the reigns a little, or we would definately have given up. We will never go back to our old lifestyle, especially me with my £150 jumpers etc.(what an idiot)! I think that everyone deals with things differently. We like days/nights out as a family, or the odd Saturday night out as a couple down the local, but we know that we both have to work extra hours to do these things. Every month since July we have managed to pay off some debt & that included going away for a week, so we are moving in the right direction & living within our means. Well done on being so close to being DF Icka, all the best & back tomorrow.

whitewing

I'm not in debt, but am being very frugal. So I do tend to convert 'things' into how much of my monthly grocery bill I would have spent.

I do know someone, who I greatly respect, who has the whole package ie spouse, baby, financially secure hubbie, able to be a stay at home mum, and I do sometimes feel a bit sad for myself that it didn't work out like that for me, but mostly (now I actually feel more in control; today at least) I am very happy for me and very happy for them.

Edit: I can only feel this way because of the support and learning I have received from this site. I've also read the post on Glen's thread and I agree that you've given him some food for thought.

Mozette

You have to remember that it's all relative. £200 is a lot of money to you (and to me I might add) but to some people it's loose change. Doesn't necessarily make them happier though. Some people are out in this cold weather with no roof over their head and nothing - your loose change would possibly be a fortune to them, or at least buy something to take their mind off their predicament. There are people in other countries who are in fear of their lives and don't have food or clean water.

Try not to be jealous of what other people have, because you don't know their situation, you don't know what they don't have, and if you did then you might in fact pity them. Just keep on with sorting yourself out, and you will feel better once you have.

Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting - or perhaps better to say appreciating - what you have.

EMminently

Actually icka - i have to say i agree with you, having read the previous thread of Glen000. Not so much about the £200, but about the boredom. In this day and age i think that's totally unacceptable. I'm not being judgemental, this is my view. I think they need their heads bashing together, maybe not literally! There's so many good ideas on that thread and they have to make the best of what they've got. I wouldn't feel bad if i were you - your opinion and feedback is just as worthy. Afterall, you didn't say anything offensive and he can take it or leave it.

clearmydebts

Hi Icka,

I read Glen000 thread before I came to yours. I can understand why he got your back up. I don't think it is very sensitive of him to come on here moaning about being bored every night. He was living an unrealistic lifestyle compared to most people (and no I'm not jealous, I just believe in entertaining yourself once in a while).

I get down every now and then about the level of debt but I only have myself to blame. I don't get jealous of other people that much because they might be building up debt while I'm getting rid of it. I am just looking forward to when I am debt-free and have more choices.

Try not to worry about it, you will be debt-free in 6 months :beer:

cuddlymarm

Hi

I think lots of the people on this board will have felt grumpy and jealous about other people having things that they haven't. We've all been there.
I remember when I was working 2 jobs and getting nowhere before we finally took advice and went BK that I came home from work and there had been girls on the bus talking about what they were going to buy to wear that week and I felt so angry that I couldn't even afford a pair of socks. Then I felt so small before I had felt this. I've never cared about clothes that much but this just was one of the final straws that broke the camels back. Now we're BK and the pressure isn't there any more it doesn't matter and I rarely shop.

I'll stop rambling now
Cuddles:rotfl:

Hermia

I think you just have to take a deep breath, remind yourself that there will always be people better off and worse off than you in life, and then be gracious about it.

I have been in both situations myself. I have been the impoverished person who has had to sit there and listen to a wealthy friend or colleague moaning that they can only afford two holidays this year rather than three. It is horrible to listen to when I can't even afford a weekend away in Bognor! But, I grit my teeth and remind myself that it is very easy to get used to a standard of living and think that it the norm. Although I do wish well-off people would be a little more sensitive sometimes!

But I have also been the wealthier person. I worked in a posh firm in London in my 20s and lived at home paying only a basic rent. My salary wasn't huge, but I had no financial responsibilities. I used to buy myself lovely things (I still have many of those things as I do look after my possessions so I think I have got my money's worth BTW), but hated the reaction they sparked in my poorer friends. I'd go out with a friend and they would spot I had a new bag or they would ask where I was going on holiday and soon I'd be getting looks and remarks thrown in my direction.

So, I basically think you have to try and be generous as envy and bitterness are such destructive emotions. And possibly punch a cushion when you get home if that would make you feel better! The way I see it is that not many of us will spend our lives at the bottom of the economic ladder so there will be times when someone poorer will be judging us.

bathgatebuyer

Absolutely it makes you a grump! I'm a 100% jealous grump and proud of it as I know by doing the things I'm doing now, I'm making my life better in the long run.

I used to be want, want, want, while now it's scrimp, save, try and get by from one pay day to the next without running out of money. It's not easy at times, so it's inevitable that at times it will become difficult to see others frivolously taking for granted luxuries, while I struggle to put food on the table or travel in to work the last week of the month before pay day!

I absolutely resent that a set of circumstances happened in my life that caused financial difficulties, but making myself angry and bitter is not going to make things any easier. I just have to take things on the chin, say no to either nights out or lunches or things and be honest with people, "Sorry, can't afford it". The majority of people are usually ok about it. They may not understand or appreciate fully the steps that some of us have to take to be debt-free, but the majority do accept it.