Trying For a Baby II

Iheartfreebies

Oh EA, I don't know what to say so have a dodgy hug :grouphug:

Natalie, sounds like a BFP is heading your way!

Welcome newbies and welcome back Kenco, good to hear you're feeling more positive:beer:
As you can tell, I'm not quite ready to head over to the pg thread yet, feels way too early after last time

Anyhoo, have fun bding, sticky baby dust all round x

MadMac_2

Hi all, :hello:

Oh EA I'm sorry to read that. Onwards and upwards to next month hun, we just have to keep plodding along and trying when we can x

Hope you enjoyed your break Leopardlady x

Welcome to jjade and mehak - have I missed anybody? If so, sorry - I'm shattered and can only see two newbies on this page!

Jjade - not much advice to add to that already given, I have to say we never even considered finances when we decided to TTC! Ermm, maybe we should have if the IVF route ends up being the way to go... but I'm still not ruling out adoption whatever else happens :cool:

Mehak - I second becs on the pre-seed lubricant - it comes recommended and stops my bits from being such a' hostile environment' at times (their speak, not me!) and keeps the sperm healthy on their journey. It is easy to use, so definitely worth a try as a safe alternative?

Natalie - sounding good, fingers crossed for you x

kencokenco

KMCKEE999 When are you lookinng at being started on Clomid.

Im now gonig in june as doctor wanted to make sure everything else was ok first. It would be good to go through it with someone else though.

As you all know Ive had it before but it was administered to me with NO support what so ever, I was on wrong dose to do anything, had no idea when ovulating etc etc due to not having periods for yrs.

This time im being monitored very closely on it with blood tests every wk and appt with consultant every wk, so im in good hands this time rounds. Only thing im really scared about now is that last time I had no side effects due to wrong dose and now im wondering what it will be like as read so many stories on internet of women becoming really nasty while on it.

If anyone has had experience of being on clomid please please let me know as this is my concern now. every day I tick another day of the calendar counting down until I go, but as it is getting nearer im getting more scared so to speak. (why???) I think maybe because I know im gonna be well looked after this time and at the end of it I could well be a very lucky lady with a baby. I have such mixed emotions about it all. I think positive as best I can but I do on occasions have the negative thought of I bet im one of the % that it doesn't work for. What can they do next if it doesn't work. can I afford anymore treatment, should I just try this then stop if not successful. Ohhh I just dont know anymore. I shall wait until after the course of clomid. (im sure it will work though hey ladies )

Well hope you all have a lovely day and chat soon.

kindofagilr

Oh EA I am sorry ((((hugs)))) here's to Bding next month and getting a BFP!

kindofagilr

OH started talking to me about babies last night (we were planning on TTC in July once we are back from our holiday) and he started saying he doesnt know if he is ready to have a baby.

It hurt me so much, I dont understand why he waits till 5 weeks before we are going to start trying to say this? I have talked to him about babies so many times, I have researched how much pay I would get if I went part time etc and not once has he said anything

I asked him on email this morning (we email each other all day every day) if he got straight to sleep last night (cos we talked about it in bed) and this is what he has said

I did think about it for a while, I don't think I explained myself correctly last night baby, I think a lot of it has to do with nerves and the thought of having to 'grow up'. I felt like getting a house was all grown up but having a baby is an even bigger responsibility than that ! I find this a very uncomfortable subject to talk about because I half feel like you think that I should be ready and should be wanting babies and be all excited about it and I dunno if I am yet I dunno if the idea of it all has sunk in. It makes me feel horrible because I feel like I'm denying you a family when I know you really really REALLY want one. I guess I just thought we would have some time to just live together for a while before we started having babies and being tied down to them for the rest of our lives. God, I sound like a selfish !!!!!!! when I say that but I think it's only fair that I tell you exactly what's on my mind and not just be a 'yes man' and agree to stuff when secretly I'm thinking something else. One half of me is saying 'it's just nerves' and the other half of me is saying 'am I ready for this?'. Of course another side to it all is the way that women feel about it as opposed to men, i guess that girls will always want a baby and blokes might be a little more retisent about the whole topic, which is only natural I suppose. Also all the way through all this I'm stressing and worrying about you and how you must feel when I say things like this, it's not like I don't love you baby, you truely are my reason to live, but I'm worried that you're thinking 'oh god it's going to take years and years to convince stu into having babies and it's going to be a real uphill struggle all the damn way and it just takes the shine off the whole thing' - that is another one of my concerns, remember last night how I was saying I was living in a dream world, what I think I meant to say was ' I never give much thought to babies because they always seemed like something that would happen when I was 'grown up' and I just don't feel grown up yet. I think I would do a good job... I would do my very best to raise a person and show them things and explain things and take them places so they could see things their classmates might not be able to go see because their parents never took them'. Thinking about babies is something I don't think many men think about until it's already happened to them. Certainly Damian and I have never really talked about it, which kinda makes me think ' why havn't I spent more time thinking about this?' I dunno baby I really don't know. What I do know is that if we are going to start trying for a baby then we need to adjust our lifestyles pretty soon so that our bodies are prepared for it and have all the right vitamins etc, like that folic acid etc.
I'm feeling very confused and conflicted about all of this at the moment, I will try and think about it a bit more so I have some answers for the questions you have rather than just saying 'oh gee, god, I dunno, well.. ' etc

I dont even know what to think, I am very upset, not that he isnt sure if he is ready but that he waits till now to tell me his concerns (I have even told mam (with his blessing) that we are going to start trying soon)

I just dont know what to think

Silverbird

Hi Kindofagilr

I'm not TTC yet, but am a secret (now not-so-secret) 'lurker' on these boards.

I've got to say that I think your OH has really explained himself well and it sounds like he's being incredibly honest and open with you. I would also agree with all of the points he's made. A lot of men just don't think about babies like we do. I spoke to OH the other day and asked if he knew if he'd be ready to have children once we're debt-free (couple of years - we'll both be 30). He said he didn't know for sure, but it wasn't something he had really thought about. However, he did say that women definitely look at it differently and for them it's more of a ticking clock thing, which he could understand entirely.

As for not telling you until now, it is unfortunate but perhaps he's only recently started thinking more deeply about this and what it will mean. He's realised you'll want to start trying soon and that realisation has hit him and he's confused and concerned that he's not ready, which seems fair enough. Try to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and he was ready and you weren't.

You're still young enough not to start worrying about time running out. I also understand what he says about spending time together before getting tied down with children. OH and I have spent these past few years and will spend the next few just doing things we've always wanted to do and going places we've always wanted to go and to be able to do these things easily before finding them more difficult (or impossible) to do with children. OH has said that he thinks he doesn't know if he's ready or will be ready yet because he hasn't done all the things he wanted to do before children. He says he's pretty sure once he's done all those things/visited those places then he'll have no reason not to be ready and it'll come naturally. We'll wait and see!

Anyway, I thought I'd add my opinion on things. I can understand you're upset as you were getting all prepared and excited and then he told you this, but at least he told you and has been very open with you. That's a sign of a good, strong relationship and remember that he hasn't said he never wants them (which would really be a cause for concern!), but just that he doesn't feel ready yet.

I hope you two get a chance to talk it out together soon. Lots of hugs to you xx

kindofagilr

Thank you for your reply.

I know, he has explained himself very well, and I do understand where he is coming from, I really do.

But this has devastated me, honestly, I am sitting at work and it is taking all that I have not to cry at my desk, I have been to the loo a few times this morning already and shed a tear.

I dont begrudge him wanting us to spend time together before we have children, its the fact he has never mentioned this before, or even has specific things he wants to do first (like you OH obv knows what he would like to achieve before having children)

I know I am not too old in the sense I should be worrying about having babies too late.

But all I have ever wanted in life is a man who loves me (which yes I really do have, he is the most amazing person in the world) and a family with that man.

I always wanted children young-ish so that I can live a lot of years with them, and its not even a case of that I think my clock is ticking, its that I really wanted children before I was 30.

I just dont even know what to think.

Obv we both have to be on board for this to work, but I feel so heartbroken.

Silverbird

kindofagilr wrote: »

Thank you for your reply.

I know, he has explained himself very well, and I do understand where he is coming from, I really do.

But this has devastated me, honestly, I am sitting at work and it is taking all that I have not to cry at my desk, I have been to the loo a few times this morning already and shed a tear.

I dont begrudge him wanting us to spend time together before we have children, its the fact he has never mentioned this before, or even has specific things he wants to do first (like you OH obv knows what he would like to achieve before having children)

I know I am not too old in the sense I should be worrying about having babies too late.

But all I have ever wanted in life is a man who loves me (which yes I really do have, he is the most amazing person in the world) and a family with that man.

I always wanted children young-ish so that I can live a lot of years with them, and its not even a case of that I think my clock is ticking, its that I really wanted children before I was 30.

I just dont even know what to think.

Obv we both have to be on board for this to work, but I feel so heartbroken.

You're welcome. I felt exactly the same (about wanting children before I was 30). I just always thought I would. It came as a bit of a shock to discover it just wouldn't happen that way, but that's when I started to realise that you can't forecast your life and you have to be open to new and different ideas and changes.

Don't forget - you say all you ever wanted in life was a man who loves you and a family with that man. Well, you still will. You're very lucky to have found a man who loves you (sadly not all people are so fortunate) and you will have that family you so desire, but just not at the time you thought you might. Yes, that does come as a shock to the system (at least, it did for me initially), but you do get over it, I promise you.

I think a good talk between the two of you will help so much. It's obvious you have some questions and only he can answer those for you.

Thinking of you x

kindofagilr

Yeah you are right, we do need to talk about this face to face.

I know I am lucky, cos I know not everyone gets a loving OH.

Thanks for your words, they have helped x

Evansangel

Hi all, thanks for your hugs

Im feeling better now lol. Just hada bit of a wobble last night.

At least if next month i get a BFp the docs can date it correctly.

Just need to get some more OV sticks. I read somewhere that the celarblue fertility moniter is on offer in boots. Looked in mine this morning and its still £97

To take my mind off things i started re planning our wedding lol. With all the baby thing going on we kind of forgot. But last night i made up a guest list chart on the pc and wrote down all my ideas for our reception and how to budget

Now to look on ebay for everything i need lol.

Kindofagilr, i read your message but dont know what to say, except (((hugs)))


Its raining here today, but im at work until 10pm so hopefully it eases up

xx x