Enquiry about benefits and housing?

moggylover

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm sure most 16 year olds DON'T! Most of them want to have a good time, lots of friends, travel, music, clothes, study (for many) and life experiences. It's usually only 16 year olds with no future and no aspirations who want a baby - thank God!

Actually, I think a lot of girls of that age probably do "want" babies, it IS hormonal, and I think it is why a lot of poorly educated, and probably emotionally neglected girls do end up pregnant. I think that with a better education, and perhaps a more stable home environment that a lot of girls will get through that stage (although by no means all of them - not only chavs mess up;) ) and move on and enjoy a few years of education, work and life before their hormones start screaming again.

Op, I think your wee girlfriend may well be a bit of an emotional mess and if she is then you need to love and support her and persuade her to wait a little while so that the two of YOU can provide for this child, not the state.

I was married at 17 (despite a very good education I might add) and very much in love with a man who proved himself a drunken wife beater. My parents did not want me to marry, they wanted me to take the university entrace that I was offered at 16 and have a career. They did not, however, prevent my marriage as they knew that if they did I would walk away and never come back. Fortunately, the onc pregnancy that I had during my 4 year marriage was beaten from me - and I say fortunately because I would not wish that mans blood on any poor child. It was shortly after that I found the courage to admit that I had been too young to know and make the decision to marry - and I returned to my parents home and got divorced.

You see, I do remember being young! And I do remember the urgency of youth!

However, YOU have no home to give to that child, no jobs, no financial stability at all. I was 37 before I finally had a child - and I had a home that was MY own (not jointly owned with my partner) and it was furnished and ready and my partner and I were agreed on what we wanted, and we went ahead. Even with everything in place it was not easy, and after the birth of my second son I became ill, and faced with the fact that that illness was degenerative my partner left us. He has regretted that since, he has tried to make it up to us in lots of ways: I doubt I shall ever truly be able to forgive him for letting me down when I needed him so desperately. Having two small ones, ill and on my own apart from my mum and my ex's mum for help was hard!

I know that you think you have it planned. I actually did have it planned, and was financially set up to do it - and yet it went desperately wrong for a while and could have ended up with my boys in care!

I tell you all this as an example of how much more you have to learn about life, both emotionally and educationally, before you are ready to start leading a child into adulthood! I do agree that having children younger than 37 is a VERY good idea - in some ways I AM too old to enjoy them or run around with them as much as I would have done at, say 25 or 27! However, 16 and 18 is simply too young - both for yourselves, and to be fair to the child!

You have years yet before you need worry about being too old! Finish your degree course first, encourage you girlfriend to further hers. Love her and cherish her - and help her to grow stronger. Then when you are both earning, and at least able to afford to put a roof over the childs head YOURSELVES you will be glad that you waited (after all - it is like Christmas, the waiting can be the best bit:D ) because you can do right by the child.

parisjordana

Moggylover thank you for sharing your personal story with us,I had goosepimples reading it,you are a brave lady and sound a super mum.....

Bitsy_Beans

zoezoe wrote: »

It was not a mistake - thank you very much.

So you planned to fall pregnant at 15 then? How come you then "chose" to take the baby home

I think when it was referred to being a mistake it was because it was an unplanned pregnancy, not that you wish you'd never had your child. And being a single mum I doubt you had an easy ride of it - do you honestly recommend that way of life to kids this young? Scraping by on benefits and stuggling to continue education at the same time???

moggylover

parisjordana wrote: »

Moggylover thank you for sharing your personal story with us,I had goosepimples reading it,you are a brave lady and sound a super mum.....

Thank you. I just hope it helps the lad and his young girlfriend to see that life does not always go where you want it to go - and that you at least need to have SOME security to offer a child.

I do assure you that there are plenty of times when I am not at all brave though:o - and my kids would tell you that sometimes I am a really carp mum: but that I do try to be good:rolleyes:

vik6525

I cant believe Im the first to point this out, but anyway....

Assuming the OP is real, I 100% believe, from reading between the lines, that he and his girlfriend have unhappy home lives at present, and are looking to have a baby as a 'get out of jail free' card...

Mips

vik6525 wrote: »

I cant believe Im the first to point this out, but anyway....

Assuming the OP is real, I 100% believe, from reading between the lines, that he and his girlfriend have unhappy home lives at present, and are looking to have a baby as a 'get out of jail free' card...

Personally, I can't understand young people wanting babies. I never came across any until I was about 18 and my friend had two... but we would avoid her until 7pm so we didn't have to deal with them

We would go to pubs, and there would be inconsiderate people sat there with screaming babies whilst we were trying to eat our meals after a long day at work...

.. walking around town there would be thousands of them sat in prams filthy and screaming, their mothers looking demented... WHAT is the appeal?!

I love my children and wouldn't swap them for the world - but I am boring now and have the time for them. At the age of 18 I would have been an appalling mother, 16 ... well I just can't comprehend why anyone would want one.

People can't seriously use babies to get accommodation?!

It is so unfair on the babies being born - they need time, love, understanding - not treated with resentment because they are born and stop you leading your life. Babies are HARD WORK which is ongoing.

1sue23

I had my first child at 20 I had married and moved to a town away from my family and much as I love my daughter very much I can honestly say it was the worst time in my life ,my husband was working very long hours ,I have never felt more lonely and isolated than I felt at that time I had this new born baby that needed looking after and I could barely look after myself ,my husband would go to work in the morning and I would just burst into tears I would go to bed with my baby and would wish that I could just sleep all day ,I went through the motions changed her nappy ,breast fed her and looked after her but it took a long time to bond and I would not wish it on any one .
How would you cope if your girl friend felt like I did overwelmed and confused and very sad would you be there for her?.
Before I had my child I had this romantic idea ,loving husband ,devoted father but the more unhappy I became the more distant he became and it was hell I was 20 your girlfriend is only 16 just wait a few years and see how you feel then.

DKLS

Op do you want to be spending freshers week with a tired GF and a squarking kid or constantly drunk and balls deep with strange girls from the welsh valleys?

There is plenty of time to ruin your life by having a kid, whilst at Uni is not the best time to do it.

astonsmummy

Shadow919 wrote: »

Ok so here's my question...
I am currently 18 years old and my partner is 16 and we are both planning for a child. Don't talk me out of it as i and my partner are dead certain. So right what i want to know is mainly about council housing, when we are certain she is pregnant what do we do to get it? Once we have applied are we certain to get it and how long will it take? Here are some details... Her household at present is a two bedroomed house but with 5 people in, 2 being children... So would the council suggest the baby staying here? Or at mine we have 3 bedrooms, one being a single room though there are 5 people staying there so would they suggest taking the baby here? Ok so on top of that how much would it cost? I mean i'm going to uni and so student loans will help me fund any if i am actually required to, will me being in full time education help? Also she plans to do a part time course at college, teaching assistant. So will i have to pay? If so how much?

On top of this i am working part time, less than 16 hours a week most of the time... So would this have an effect?

So one more thing, as shes not in full time education or work would there any benefits we could claim to help us?

Thank you

OMFG!
Please tell me thing is a wind up!
I'm 24 with a 4 year old and one on the way, and its a bloody struggle, I've got me own house already, but jesus christ at 16, dont be foolish enough to CHOOSE to have a baby, life is only just beggining!

Noz

Best quote from the thread was Shadow promoting the patience of youth - despite the fact that they are having a baby no matter what and not having a clue on what their budget is, quality.