Fathers Rights

Witsend_2

mat2113 wrote: »

no there is no physical abuse involved. She has hurt me by trying to take my son away, she says that she would never stop me see him ,however alot can change in time. I belive that a child should have a mum and a dad both living in the same house.

Good morning I have read your posts with interest. You are obviously a very loving father and will get through this difficult time and go on to have a wonderful relationship with your DS. Try not to worry too much I know it's easier said than done. I am so glad to hear that there is no violence in your relationship and like MrsTine I believe it's better for a child to have two loving homes than one unhappy one.
I do hope that you manage to sort things out and accept that your relationship with your GF is over and that your relationship with your DS is just going to go from strength to strength. Good luck x

Milford_Cubicle

If you have paid the mortgage and bills up to now, then please don't sign any of the house over to her - especially if you've taken on most of the childcare too. If your son is going to live with you but spend time at his mums, then you've no need to help her out financially at all. I appreciate that you love her and don't want to hurt her but you need to think about yourself as well. Most importantly, you need to think about your son. In the short term this is going to upset him of course, but if he sees that mum and dad remain amicable whilst living seperately then he's going to thank you later. I echo what other say about not arguing in front of him, my ex- and I never argued, we just had heated discussions out of her earshot and I believe my daughter is much better off for this.

Please please see a solicitor and don't sign any 'personal' agreements you may have made. Of course I know nothing about your circumstances, but if she suggested she have 40% of the house signed over to her, then she's taking you for a ride. If you suggested it and she agreed, she's taking advantage.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, it's never easy when a relationship breaks down, especially when kids are involved. It's going to be difficult to begin with but I promise it gets easier. Chin up.

mat2113

hi, i took all your advice and went to see a solicitor, i was really surprised how few right a father has. He as said that i need her to sign a Parental Responsibility - so that i have the same rights as her over is schooling, with he lives etc etc . He has said that because she hasn't paid anything into the house she would be hard press to claim anything from me, however if she tried it would cost £4000 - £6000 in court. If i wanted to go for full custody in would cost about £15000 and he doesn't think that i would win, because the mother wins 99% of the time.
My ex and i spoke last nite, she has said that she will sign any form that i wanted her to, over rights to my son. She also said that she wants a cut of the house, she wants 20% of the value.She think's that it is worth £70000 which will give her £14000. I have told her that because there is £20000 left on the mortgage, which she will not helping to pay, that i will give her 15% of £50000 which is more than fair. My saving are mine!.
I just want her to go, so that i can get my head around everything. I am just going to miss my son, and the little things like - taking him to bed and reading him a story!. She has said that i can have him Tues 3.30pm - 7.30pm wed 3.30 PM - 7.30pm sat 9 AM till sun 7.30 PM. I can also take him on holidays ( i work for a airline - so i get cheap travel ).

MrsTinks

Hang on is she letting him live with you or not? Or are these times only short term arrangements?
Personally... I don't think she deserves a penny... But that's just me
And I certainly wouldn't let her have anything unless your son ends up living with you and not her...

RoxieW

Is this really the full story? I mean - if you pay all the bills and do most of the childcare what does she do?? sorry not sure how old your son is but who did the childcare when he was preschool age?
I'm not sure how a woman can contribute so little (although I'm sure there is a minority out there) and in my opinion, after 11years and a child together, married or not, assets should be split 50/50 if there has been a reasonable division of labour.

mat2113

RoxieW wrote: »

Is this really the full story? I mean - if you pay all the bills and do most of the childcare what does she do?? sorry not sure how old your son is but who did the childcare when he was preschool age?
I'm not sure how a woman can contribute so little (although I'm sure there is a minority out there) and in my opinion, after 11years and a child together, married or not, assets should be split 50/50 if there has been a reasonable division of labour.

yes this is the full story, i earn more than she has over the years. She has only paid for the food shopping, i have never asked her for a penney for any of the bills. When i bought the house i asked her if she wanted to put it on joint names, she didn't. When my son was preschool age she worked all day friday and all day saturday, so i worked monday - thurday 10 hour shifts. Most evening she is down the hosiptal visting her mother. I don't want to sound nasty but it is bad enought that i any loosing my son, i won't let her have my house

mat2113

MrsTine wrote: »

Hang on is she letting him live with you or not? Or are these times only short term arrangements?
Personally... I don't think she deserves a penny... But that's just me
And I certainly wouldn't let her have anything unless your son ends up living with you and not her...

she says that she wants him to live with her, if i took her to court over it i would have to say that she is a bad mother and she is not, plus i don't want to put my son though that. I am not looking forwould to tell him that we are spilting up.

MrsTinks

Right so basically you are getting access to your son - that means you still have to pay CSA to her. Personally I'd not give her any money from the house. If all she's paid for is food for that amount of time and not been a stay at home mum (ie had no possibility to earn due to having a child with you) then I can't see her being entitled to any money in respect of the house. I might go as far as a "goodwill" payment of say £1000 to help her find a decent flat and have enough to put down deposit and first months rent.
What you do is obviously up to you

arthur_dent_2

Do not let her leave the house with your son. You are in by far the better position financially but the second you allow her custody, you have said that she is ok to have him and you will not win. Tell her that if she is leaviung she is not taking him with her and that he is staying with you. Fathers have absolutly no rights, she can basically do anything she pleases except for taking him out of the country. By the way retain the passport at all costs. Mothers have all the rights and fathers have none.

Any arrangement you make now however reasonable it may seem will change the second she has custody, he will be ill or she will be going to a wedding with him or moving to the other side of the country.

conradmum

mat2113 wrote: »

yes this is the full story, i earn more than she has over the years. She has only paid for the food shopping, i have never asked her for a penney for any of the bills. When i bought the house i asked her if she wanted to put it on joint names, she didn't. When my son was preschool age she worked all day friday and all day saturday, so i worked monday - thurday 10 hour shifts. Most evening she is down the hosiptal visting her mother. I don't want to sound nasty but it is bad enought that i any loosing my son, i won't let her have my house

It sounds from what you're saying that your partner stayed at home with your son while he was growing up and worked part time. In which case a court would see this as contributing in kind to the upkeep of the house. How could she both work to earn enough to pay half of the bills and look after your son? When you say she only paid for food, do you mean she paid for nothing else at all? What about clothes, toys, excursions? I think a court might see it that she's entitled to a percentage of the value of the house, whether her name's on the deeds or not.