Fathers Rights

mat2113

please help, my partner of 11 years has just told me that she hasn't got any feeling for me! she says that there is no one else involved. She has been under a lot of stress, due to starting a new job and looking after her mother who is ill. We have a 6 year old son who i love more than any thing, i am so afraid that i will lose him!!!. If we do part what will happen, i bought the house and lived by myself for a year before she moved in. i pay all the bills and do most of the child care.Please don't think that i am only interest in money, i do love her but i want to look after myself as well. thanks.

MrsTinks

First of all it depends greatly on you two talking together and if you can reach a solution between you. Does she want custody of your child? I ask because when my parents split my father took custody of me by mutual consent as he was best placed to care for me - later I moved back and forth as circumstances changed and when I made the choice of where to live - as a result I lived with both at different times greatly dictated by who they were with at the time...
Are you married to her? Is her name on the mortgage deeds? Does she contribute ANYTHING financial to the household? Are you on the birth certificate?

mat2113

Yes my name is on the birth certificate. we are not married. Her name is not on the mortgage and all my saving are in my name only. If my son wants to live with my ex, it would break my heart but i would always support him but not her, because she has hurt me so much.

mrcow

Do you think that perhaps she's feeling a little unloved?

When there is lots of stress about, it's easy to feel like this. If you mean what you say and really love this woman, then fight for her. You need to be spending time together and taking each other into consideration. Go out, make a fuss of each other. A relationship will only work as hard as the work that is put into it. You've been through a lot together. At least try fixing things first.

mrcow

mat2113 wrote: »

Yes my name is on the birth certificate. we are not married. Her name is not on the mortgage and all my saving are in my name only. If my son wants to live with my ex, it would break my heart but i would always support him but not her, because she has hurt me so much.

She is the mother of your son!
You've been together for 11 years.

Give her some repect man! Sheesh! :mad:

mat2113

she is the one who wants to end it not me. i have done all i can to support her, but i do understand that there are always to sides to a story. it is just that a man always loses everything.

mat2113

thanks, i have tried but it is had because she cant leave her mother for very long. The thing is that she has hurt me so much. i never wanted to be a part time father

MrsTinks

Ok from a purely practical point of view and to answer your questions: your house is in your name only and you are not married - thus you retain ownership of the property and any savings in YOUR name. Any in joint names should be split and the accounts closed - how you decide this is a different matter.
Your son: Your name is on the birth certificate - this gives you some rights and also financial responcibility should he live with his mother. CSA can get involved if you prefer or you can work out a fair amount between you. If you cannot agree on who the child should live with you can go through the courts. This is likely to get VERY unpleasant.

That out of the way - She's under a lot of stress as are you right now - some time apart might be a very good idea and then some relationship counselling to see if things can be worked out. Even if only to be able to be amicable in future for the sake of your son.

mat2113

i cannot bear the thought of being without her, she is the only person that i have ever wanted, but i cant go on living like this

Debt_Free_Chick

mat2113 wrote: »

i cannot bear the thought of being without her, she is the only person that i have ever wanted

Have you told her this?

Women have a tendency to bottle things up and "just get on" with what can seem like the drudgery of ordinary life. In relationships, we settle into a routine and all too often lose the romance. We have kids, lose a bit of our figures, stop dressing to impress, work full time ...... and nagging away at the back of our minds is a concern that our partners no longer find us attractive. And they stop wooing us, which feeds our insecurity.

Take a long hard look at yourself - and talk to your partner. Then talk some more. And talk again. Most relationships break down due to a lack of communication with one side not knowing what it is that the other side wants & needs. Be prepared for her to "criticise" your behaviour but - before you get all defensive - stop and consider whether she might "have a point".

If she loves you, then wooing her all over again may well be all she needs. And if it works, don't stop doing it!

How old is she? Depression is relatively common in menopausal and peri-menopausal women - I firmly believe it's the root cause of many a mid-life crisis. She may not yet be "of that age" but who knows what the hell is going on with her hormones!

Criticise yourself - hard - and talk to her.

(I accept that these comments are sweeping generalisations and many women will feel that they "are not like this". I don't pretend that all women are like this, but we do tend to suffer from low self-esteem and an almost constant need to be valued, appreciated and attractive to one we love).

mags1962

mrcow wrote: »

Do you think that perhaps she's feeling a little unloved?

When there is lots of stress about, it's easy to feel like this. If you mean what you say and really love this woman, then fight for her. You need to be spending time together and taking each other into consideration. Go out, make a fuss of each other. A relationship will only work as hard as the work that is put into it. You've been through a lot together. At least try fixing things first.

hi....i would advise you to follow this post from mrcow thats good advice try and get some time just the two off you
In the past when my relationship was in a bad place i felt that if he had made more effort and tried to understand me i would have apreciated that very much , spoil her do everything possible

m x