I need help.

babes21

Sorry to hear that IA.

Make sure you get your benefits sorted out and what you're entitled to etc as at times there's quite a backlogue (i work in a similar sector), so the sooner you sort out then the quicker the claims can be made.

spud30

Oh love, I'm so sorry.

I'd agree with the others. Make sure you get every benefit you're entitled to.

Would the girls maybe enjoy 'camping' for a while, on air beds at Ste's? We currently need a new bed, but cant afford one so will be resorting to this too.

Oh, and dont give up CAB if at all possible !!

Snaggles

I'm so sorry IA

I know you have had issues with Freecycle in the past, but perhaps Ste could sign up (or probably more likely, you could sign up for him?).

Has he thought about where he is going to go yet? Once you know that, you can make a list of bare essentials and start working on getting those (for example, if he's going to rent, he might need more things than if he's moving in with friends/family etc).

I'm thinking about you and you know where I am if you need me xxx

Shineyhappy

I am very sorry to hear your bad news. Have you and him thought about a trial seperation for a week or two before you finalise the split? It can't be an easy decision to make when you have children and some time apart may make you both feel differently.

chevalier

_pale__pale_ Oh IA I am SO SORRY to hear about this. I would not have thought that this could happen with you. Are you both REALLY REALLY sure that this is the right thing to do? Could you get an emergency session with Relate to talk through with a neutral third party? I am sure you haven't given up without a fight, but please think of this too.

On a practical matter hell where to start. Like others have said you will both have to start the rejigging of your benefits now. What a mess. Agree with others about furniture for Ste, either freecycle, or ask the salvation army. They often have a warehouse of stuff too. Might not be the best but better than nothing.

Next I guess is deciding who is going to pay what debts. Ie just what is on a card in your name or whether you are still going to contribute to the debts as you have been doing. What a downer, when you are so close to being debt free. Is burn out on that front a factor in the split.

I am sure I will think of some more later, but at the moment my brain is still processing that you are splitting up. After your long journey up to this point, the slow realisation on Ste part about the debt and pulling together to solve it, well it is just so sad.

As far as the girls are concerned. Keep the message simple, mummy and daddy both love them still, but mummy and daddy need to live on without each other for just now. As long as your establish a new routine and stick to it, then they should be fine. Just don't be surprised, particularly with Ashley if she regresses in some way, eg starting to have pant accidents when she has been dry, or wanting a bottle. They are just reactions to the change in situation.

Really really sad to hear this news love, take care of all 4 of you.

chev

sammy115

IA - !!!!!! - I have just given away a bloody sofa on freecycle.....My sympathies are with you chicken...any help you need we will be here for you. You need to ring CTC up and tell them that you are making a claim in your own name, rather than joint names.Maybe if you make a list of what you need for Ste, I have no problem looking out for stuff on freecycle, or even posting a wanted ad.Big dodgy hug for you!

Toto

yikes sar sorry to hear your news. I can't really add much that the others haven't said. But take your time, nothing needs sorting this minute. There is time for all of the financial and housing stuff, I'd say give yourselves a little bit of space to make sure this really is the right thing for you all. Can ste go and stay with friends or family for a day or two to give you both a little space?

jinky67

chevalier wrote: »

As far as the girls are concerned. Keep the message simple, mummy and daddy both love them still, but mummy and daddy need to live on without each other for just now. As long as your establish a new routine and stick to it, then they should be fine. Just don't be surprised, particularly with Ashley if she regresses in some way, eg starting to have pant accidents when she has been dry, or wanting a bottle. They are just reactions to the change in situation.

i second this actually ....this is what i did with Stewart and although he was upset he seemed to understand..he was just over 2 at the time.

skylight

Same here. I couldn't read and run without sending some really big hugs.

On a practical side its:
Income Support - Call a Lone Parent Advisor at the Job Centre to claim Income Support for yourself. Or you can also do this online - fill out the forms, submit them, they call you to discuss briefly and make an appointment for you to see an advisor.
Child Tax Credit - Call them as you need to stop the joint claim and start a single one. Tell them you are employed and have put in a claim for IS.
Housing Association - Let them know he has moved out. Ste will need to call them himself to see if they can help him in anyway.
Bank Accounts - Joint ones? Close them ASAP. Open one for yourself. I can only reccommend basic accounts being BR, but the Co-Op Cashminder is FAB, online banking and visa debit electron card. If your account is already single, ensure that any direct debits or standing orders etc relating to Ste are cancelled. You cannot have any of his payments coming out now as it could leave you short of cash until IS and CTC is sorted out.
Council - Get forms for council tax and housing benefit (LHA). It may be worth ringing the council tax people anyway now and telling them you would like to claim the 25% single persons discount and that you have put in a claim for benefit. It may take a while to sort out, so keeping them upto date is key. As you know from CAB, these two are priortity debts and although they will eventually be sorted out, it can take months - my old, but simple case, took 4 months for them to work out my benefit. With a lot of letters and demands in between from the two departments.
Contact - Have you two decided yet when Ste is going to have the kids? Continuitey for them both is paramount. You also need to consider that when claiming income support they will pass your details to CSA. (Although I believe this is changing).


These are my first thoughts. I had to do this last year when OH moved out so things may have changed slightly (as they always do with government bodies).

And more BIG HUGS.
xx

Miss_Piggy_2

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. Sounds awful and is especially hard when kids are involved.

Not much practical I can say apart from why not try freecycle for beds etc?

((hugs)))


Miss P
x