I need help.

immoral_angeluk

Mods. please don't move this as DFWs are like my 2nd family and I value their input and advice more than anyone.

A few people have noticed I've not been around for a couple of days. I'm not going to go into the emtotional nitty gritty because we've both done a lot of that over the past couple of days and are emtotionall drained, but basically Ste and I have decided to split up. I'm not expecting sympathy, I'm more here because I need help with the practical side of things.
The situation.
Housing association house
2 children, 3 and nearly 2
Ste works full time
I'm a stay at home mum, works saturdays at a shop and training with the CAB on a volunteer basis.

I'm not really sure what else to put... I just need help really. Ste's obviously going to move out.. but we've not spare money to get the stuff he needs like a bed and cots for the girls' etc... just need help to get it all worked out in my head.
thank you in advance

Dumyat

I know you don't want sympathy, but I can't pass this by without saying how sorry I am to read this.
I don't have any practical advice, but I hope/know plenty here will do....take care.

(Land_of)_Maz

oh my god IA......!

This is terrible.... are we allowed to ask what happenned? or would you rather not say....

on a practical level, if he is moving out then you should be able to cope with housing benefit, WFTC, single persons council tax etc + maintainence....

Whatever you do, do not give up the CAB, this is the one thing that you can do for you and your girls future and you must maintain that, even if other things have to go........(like band and Argos)

Ferking hell, talk about a bolt from the blue.....

jinky67

Hi Hun
((((((hugs))))))
sorry I cant offer any pratical advice,cos when I split with Ex I left everything and moved back to mums.

But i am sure those in the know will be able to help.
Just remember we will ALL be there for you
xxx

fermi

Awww! IA. I'm really sad to hear that.

I'm not the best with practical advice on things like that, but I thought I would reply and wish you the best in sorting something out.

fermi

*Dee*

Im sorry to hear that.

Could the girls top and tail in a bed for a while until there is enough money to buy a bed each?

Also make sure you sort out your single person discount on your council tax and check you are getting all the benefits your entitled to.

Also ste might be entitled to a housing grant thats if he is going for a council/housing association house? (some areas dont give you the money but they invite you to look around there wrehouse of second hand furniture)

If i think of anything else i will post again.

Dee
xx

Penny2myName

If your staying in the house, the first thing you need to do is get down to the council and fill in rent/tax rebate forms. Also you will need to make an appointment with lone parent advisor at your local job centre if you are working less then 16 hours paid work.
Free cycle will help Ste to get some of the basics he is going to require. Don't know if you would be willing to go to this extreme but depending on the kind of suite you have you could halve it so to speak, allow him the sofa so he has somewhere he can both sit and sleep to start with.
If you have a microwave/slowcooker, allow him to take that with him so he can atleast make some basic meals.
Anyhow that would be my initial thoughts on the practical side of things.

MargB

Like the previous poster, I can't help but offer my sympathy. I've been through something similar myself some years ago, but there was only me to worry about, whereas you have two little ones.

Since you're training with the CAB, use them to get all the free advice about claiming benefits that you are entitled to, get the forms and fill them in.

Join Freecycle. Its amazing what people are willing to give away. You can also post a 'Wanted' list there a well as quite often people will have stuff stashed away that they do not need, that they had forgotten about. So a 'Wanted' listing can give them a nudge.

Don't refuse any reasonable offer of help from frends, family etc. Even if its just a cup of tea and a gossip.

Thats all I can think of off the top of my head for now

Marg

Pooky

Sorry to hear that IA.

Don't rush ahead getting anything until you know what sort of place Ste is going to be moving into - there's no point having extra beds/sofas if all he can afford is a furnished room.

Speak to the powers that be at the council/housing authority/income support etc and get their advice on where to go next.

Lucifa73

I_A,

Must be really tough times for you. Maybe time apart will help in the long run(look at Bunny). In fact Bunny might be a good person to talk to having gone thorugh it herself?

Here if you need anything, even just a wee rant...

On a practical side:

Call the housing association to explain the situation and see what help they can offer.

Contact benefits people and see what help they can offer.

Likewise for child tax credits. I think you have to declare who is going to be the main carer and your credit will be assessed on you as a single parent but you'd need to check on this.

Do you have family nearby that can help in the transitional period?

Make a list of what needs to be done e.g. find Ste somewhere to live, agree who pays for what (esp debts).

That's all I can offer on a practical front. When I split with ex-OH I basically we had to sell the house so the practicality of that dictated our moves and of course there were no kids to consider...

Penny2myName

Just thought the other thing is to sort kids toys out, keep their main favs at the house where they are residing but allow a certain amount of other enjoyed toys to go to the other property. This will make it easier for the girls when visiting, as they will be something which is familiar to them.