HELP : Mother-in-Law at Xmas!

NAR

First of all Lillibet congratulations.

I have read this thread with interest and sadness.What a pity it is when families fall out and bitterness sets in.
I have been divorced for 4 years and took up with a new partner this year. I continued to be friends with all my inlaws after the divorce, (I had known them over 20 years), and they have taken to my new partner famously. I would do anything for my m-i-l or any of "her " family as I consider them to be "my" family.

I have a wonderful family of my own and we are all fairly close and would do anything for each other.

I know I'm very lucky, but the way I look at it is, you are only here for a short time so make the most of it and go to your grave with the fewest regrets you can.

VickyA_2

Slightly different slant to the thread:

My friend and her husband spend Christmas Day at one set of parents, and Boxing Day at the other set, alternating each year. You get the picture. They can't have anyone round to their house because it's too small.

Anyway, this year all had been arranged that they would spend Christmas Day with her parents. He arranged that Boxing Day would be with his............ Only to be told by his mum that his parents would be going out on Boxing Day, they couldn't come round but they'd be expected for Christmas Day instead. The answer was a big resounding NO! Christmas lunch had already been arranged and there was no way that they would change their plans, just because his mum had changed hers! Made me chuckle.

As it is, I'm spending Christmas with my parents and boyfriend is spending it with his. We had the whole "I don't mind what you do..........." from both sets of parents, but I decided that with my brother travelling the world, I couldn't leave my mum on her own with my dad and grandparents. It would be far too cruel. ;D

Caterina

Hi dear all

Can I add my rant about m-i-l, actually mine is an a-i-l (aunt-in-law) but for long and complicated family reasons she plays the m-i-l part in full.

So for the purpose of this thread, let's call her the MIL from Hell (MILFH).

Luckily, LUCKILY (HALLELUYAH THANK YOU GOD) she is not doing Christmas here - I could tell of one horrendous Xmas a few years ago when we were meant to spend the whole of the hols in her home but were back in London by the afternoon of Boxing Day, but I digress...

I have had her here for 2 days, passing by on her way to the South Coast to see her son, and I am totally de-energised, angry, sad and just need to cry and scream and rant at how awful and ungrateful some people are (HER).

I always bend over backwards to make her feel at home, try to say nothing controversial but she always finds a way to turn all conversations around into insults and negative comments, and still I try and try and try...

Not a minute passes that she does not say something that is snide or outright insulting to myself, my nationality, my family, my housekeeping skills, my cats, my everything....

She is always ranting about how foreigners are taking over this country - hey, just in case she hasn't noticed, I am Italian....Yesterday we went with her to visit some friends of ours from Poland for a pre-Xmas drink, and lo-and-behold something started her off again on her foreign-hating rant and how they are invading us and blah blah blah, how rude! I asked my friend 'How long have you lived here in the UK' and she replied '17 years' and I said 'When did you stop feeling as a 'they'?' but MILFH didn't miss a beat and went on ranting.

MILFH always refers to some mystery 'They' who are apparently not only foreigner, but always younger (the young these days... BLAH BLAH...) and for the most part single mums.

Yeh, she HATES single mums, in her book 'THEY' are the damnation of the world. Now, as it happens, my sister is a single mother, and also my dearest auntie, who is like a mum to me, is one, for no fault of their own!

To add insult to injury, when MILFH lost her husband, to console her and distract her a bit, I invited her to come to Rome for a few days with me and she was the HONOURED GUEST of my dear auntie, who treated her like visiting royalty.

This evening after she left I told my husband (who knows full well how she is but still cynically dropped her on my lap to babysit for 48 hours) that if she comes back here to stay EVER, to please let me know with enough advance that I can make arrangements to find somewhere else for myself to go (a nice spa? ).

I am not going to say she cannot come into my home (I did, for YEARS, and then relented because I did not want to create discord in my family) because my husband loves her and also my kids do, but I shall be damned if I am going to spend any more time with her.

I feel awful, I feel like I have been run over by a steamroller (which she is, emotionally).

I just needed to put this in writing, sorry if I am being so negative, the people who know me on this board know that I am usually really upbeat but today I can hardly stand on my feet, for lack of energy after this last couple of days.

Love to all and good luck to all who are having their own private MILFH to deal with during the Xmas season (and at other times too).

Caterina

tru

Caterina, go and have some mulled wine and a mince pie to celebrate the fact that she's gone ;D

Caterina

Thanks, I think that's just what I shall do - ginger wine, or organic cider, actually, with some gorgeous homemade mince pies that a friend brought me today

Love & peace & freedom & lack of nagging!

Caterina

Js_Other_Half

Hugs for everyone who needs them.

I wish my Mum was still alive so I could be irritated with her ::)

I have a couple of relatives I avoid - my brother gave one of them my email address a few months ago >:( A cousin of mine texted me with her new landline no on the agreement I wasn't to pass it on to the same aunt! :P

I send Christmas cards, and every relative has my landline no - if they want to talk to me, then they can, but I am not being sucked into chasing after them.

Dad decided not to come for Christmas Day, so we are going to visit him next week, then stay in a hotel near my brother for a couple of days.

Hope everyone has a good enough Christmas and a peaceful new year.

chardonnay_2

don't tell her about your favourite sites, give her ones you rarely visit ;D

caterina, i sympathise i too have a terror aunty. she is on her own and thinks everything revolves around her ::)

gets my mum really stressed. mum invites her for dinner at x time she replies i'll be there at x+1

i get on okay with her in small doses but dp can't stand her.

nearlyrich

Hope all you people with challenging relatives have a good time this Christmas.

Just a thought, if you know they will moan however much you bend over backwards to please them why not just do what you really want and let them fit in ( or not) ?

I know I am really lucky I have a large extended family and they all get along, inlaws, step kids etc all chat away to each other at Christmas so I am really looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow.

My only downside is a couple of people I would love to be there won't be due to illness and fitness to travel, but we can speak on the phone and they will be having a good day elsewhere.

All best wishes to everyone for a really happy Christmas and a prosperous new year.

jellyhead

*HUGS* to everyone who will be having a stressful xmas day, and to caterina :-) i can't believe the rudeness of that aunt of yours, i wonder how your polish friends managed not to be incredibly rude back to her!

our xmas with MIL was last week but we all get on well so no problems there. i'll be at my mums house on xmas day and i must admit hubby doesn't like one person there but luckily he's got mumps so he'll be staying at home lol!

elona

Big HUG from me too !

Caterina - after reading of your supposed many shortcomings I could not beleive one of them was supposed to be housekeeping and cooking deficiency - just from the threads that you have posted you knock delia into a cocked hat and make Kim and Aggie look like amateurs.

Auntie is not only unpleasant tactless with the sensitivity of a charging rhino but has the observational skills of a mole and a shortsighted demented one at that.

Oscar Wilde said "Guests delight us twice - once in their arrival and even more in their departure.

It sounds like Auntie will be the cause of tremendous joy in her lifetime - every time someone sees the back of her!!!

Thank your lucky stars she has gone and that it was only for two days and that she cannot spread her poison over the rest of Christmas.

HAVE A GREAT TIME

You have all been an inspiration and a joy and deserve better.