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victory

I am sitting here very annoyed and close to tears, just from a slip of the tongue have found out that my nephew has organized for all the family to go on a 'family reunion' to see my mum in Spain next June, not me, knew nothing about it, have not been asked, how can they do that and not tell me/ask me/invite me? Why not me, I am family the only thing I can think of is that I have kids and no one else does they are all grown up and maybe it is adults only but why do I not know? Tried asking my sister but she was very cadgy, didn't want to fall out with her over it not worth it and emailed my brother and he says how much he is looking forward to it but nothing about me coming, emailed my mum and she says it is fab that she will have so much company next June but no one gives me answers as to how could I not know and not be invited?

bails

Vic, is it possible that you have been invited and have missed the email or whatever? The way your brother etc replied suggests they possibly think you're going too?

victory

No, we were at the family wedding sep 27th and no one was talking about see you next June in Spain with mum to me at all, my brothers email just says how he is looking forward to it as well as going to prague that June also how he has two flights to go on, chitter chatter that is all does not say anything about me and am I going and seen as I did not know until the slip of the tongue had no plans to, my borther and sister did this to me last time 2 years ago for my mums surprise 80th went to gibraltar for a weekend, as they boarded the flight my sister text messaged me to say what they were doing, can't believe this is happening again, why? because I don't drink? because I am diabetic? Because I have kids why/

jay11_2

That sounds hard Victory, but if you're the only one with kids, I'd assume that's it. Or maybe someone once said they thought you couldn't go somewhere because of money issues, and it's just grown like chinese whispers? .

Brighton_belle

Vic, whatever the reason, even if 'for the best of intentions', this is not decent behaviour. You have the right to be treated as an adult , to make your own decision whether you are able to afford to go or not. Sadly, over the last year+ it has been fairly apparent that your family do not communicate clearly or openly or partcularly lovingly. I suspect this is not going to change. We already know your mother is vindictive and deeply unpleasnt and doesn't like you. Very sadly, that is not likely to change either. This is awful for you and I feel for you. The only other thing you can do is drop all expectation for any extended family life and then the disappointment may diminish with time. Very much easier said than done. The only thing I think you can do is ask clear, unambiguos questions, without accusation as to if their is any reason you have not been invited. Tell your brother you have not been invited, as he seems unclear on this. Even if it's because you have kids, it is not 'normal' to do it all behind your back. Even if they just don't like you, it is not healthy adult behaviour within a family to get together behind your back. They clearly have a problem with communication. Hang on to the fact your DH loves you and wants to be with you ,as do your lovely boys. We just don't get to choose the family we are born into. All we can hope to do is change how we relate to them and hope from them.
I hope you get to the bottom of this.xx

grannynise

Victory I think BB has given very wise advice, even though it may be difficult to put into action.

Mr Granny and I don't have any parents living but we do have between us a massive number of aunts, uncles, cousins, step-sisters and -brothers, step-mother and so on and so on and so .... All they get is the odd phone call (and that's only to a very few) and the odd Christmas card. I would never expect to be invited to a family event and I wouldn't invite them either. There's no particular reason except that we have nothing in common and my time is too precious. I guess they feel the same so that makes it easy.

I see my DD and DGD several times a week and my son in law about once a month.

I don't think I'm particualry unfriendly (and nor are my extended and extensive family) I just have people I prefer to see.

I don't know if that's given you a different perspective? If not just ignore me. Hugs to you

katiepoppycat

how did the soup go marion? it sounded yummy. I had a great start today but then got ambushed by a lindt creme brulee bar. oops. I have estimated 20 syns for the whole bar so i'd better stay on track tomorrow! I have just realised that I have only 3 christmas presents left to get - how cool is that?

retiredlady

katiepoppycat wrote: »

how did the soup go marion? it sounded yummy. I have just realised that I have only 3 christmas presents left to get - how cool is that?

Actually the soup tasted better than I thought it would. I added a bit of curry powder while heating it up and made a nice addition. Quite enjoyed it and it was nice and filling too!
Well done on your Chistrmas present shopping, I have been buying Chistmas presents for the last few months, one or two a week when I go shopping. That helps spread the cost and I can avoid the shops when they are all packed and horrible!

Love
Marion

tagz

Hi Vic

Wise words from both BB and Granny. I suppose the saying about treating others the way you would like to be treated is very true. I'm sure your siblings would be really peed off if they weren't invited to a family do! I'd be tempted to just come out straight with it and ask them why you haven't been included. Could they possibly think that the other one had told you about it? No excuse really but maybe a reason for their thoughtlessness?

fitorbust

Hi Vic - the others have given sage advice but I really feel your pain. They sound very inconsiderate, and if it is because of the kids/diabetes/drinking issues they need to really look inwards at themselves.
You are their sister after all.
It really sums up the old adage about choosing friends but you can't choose your family.
I think what BB said about all the upset your Mum caused last year is very true, and if they did this 2 years ago, they obviously don't think there is anything wrong in all of this. It's a shame, but they don't sound like very thoughtful people, and you don't even seem like you have come out of the same gene pool - I know there isn't any advice here (!) but just know that we can all see how unfair this is and the fault is all theirs!
Lesley x