MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should you continue to send birthday presents?



  • ribbonbow
    ribbonbow Forumite Posts: 40 Forumite
    Even though i dont have kids, I am myself on a very limited (basically nill) income being disabled but still give to my goddaughter & her sister because i love them- i just think ahead and prioritise so that i can give them a pressie when its bday/ xmas. However I am very organised- some people are just not like that which is absolutely fine, it doesnt mean they love less, but saying that a card is not too much to ask? ;s
  • mountainofdebt
    mountainofdebt Forumite Posts: 7,795
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I'm facing a similar sort of thing with my 2 nephews and nieces.

    Due to our money situation, money has been really tight so for their birthdays earlier in the year, I only got them something little but I am yet to receive a thank you for them (like everyone a text or an email would suffice).

    Due to their ages I know this would come from my sister but it miffs me when I think about buying presents for them for Christmas, especially when you know anything bought will just go on the heap of toys that they already have.

    I guess things will become abit more clearer as which way the land is lying in 2 months when my son has his birthday.
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    NOSWAM Forumite Posts: 2 Newbie
    Yes because it's not the children's fault if their Mum or Dad don't return
    the compliment of presents or cards. And it is always remembered by
    the children themselves, that their Aunty or Uncle always remembered their
    birthday. Also if you can afford it, or not, it must give you pleasure to give
    to someone less fortunate than yourself. :j
  • Bayeba
    Bayeba Forumite Posts: 1 Newbie
    I was just thinking yesterday how nice it was for my Aunt to give me and my three brothers presents and cards at Christmas and on our birthdays even though my Mum could no way afford to reciprocate with her six children, unfortrunately. My Aunt still includes my daughter along with her grandkids ... and we all remember and appreciate it so much:A

    So my answer is definiately ....YES :T
  • shagpuss
    shagpuss Forumite Posts: 16 Forumite
    We always sent birthday/Christmas cards and gifts and wedding present to my nephew who now has 2 children of his own. We then carried on for our great nephew/niece but not only have we NEVER received any kind of thank you or acknowledgement and he has never sent even an email to our two sons (his only cousins). He can't even be bothered to let us know the address he moved to two years ago nor send a Christmas card. As our eldest son has just celebrated his 18th birthday, we've had enough - we've finally got the message. It's most certainly not a question of "giving to receive" - just basic common courtesy.
  • nancypearl
    nancypearl Forumite Posts: 67 Forumite
    I would continue to send cards and presents. It's exciting to receive a card through the post for my birthday (and watch the little pile of cards grow until I finally get to open them on the day itself) and everyone loves a parcel. I don't want to deny my relatives that simple pleasure, even if they don't feel the same about me.

    What was worse for me was when MIL phoned me on the Sunday when my birthday was the next day. She was just checking that I would be in on my birthday as she had sent some flowers. She then said that my card might be late because they were having some problems with the post. Hmmm! Well, if there is a problem with the post then send the card a few days earlier then to give it chance to get there on time!!
    My flowers arrived and the delivery note said they were ordered 10 minutes after she had phoned me.

    Why lie?
  • SusanC_2
    SusanC_2 Forumite Posts: 5,344
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    sarah*a wrote: »
    I don't expect anything back (although thank yous are always appreciated) as I do it because I love them.
    Well said!
    Any question, comment or opinion is not intended to be criticism of anyone else.
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  • My sister and I fell out over a 3 year period and I deliberately continued with gifts to her children at Christmas and birthdays. Now we are 'friends' again, I believe she regrets her decision to temporarily stop doing the same for my children. If we had been speaking and she had stopped I would have had to ask her why or if she had forgotten by mistake. Even though, I would hate myself for being mean enough to hurt the kids. I remember how much I loved receiving gifts as a child from Aunts & Uncles and how hurt I would have been if they had forgotten. With imagination, a small gift with a home-made card would be better than nothing. My answer then is definitely; YES, I would still send the gifts - life is too short, humbug, humbug!
  • Tuesday
    Tuesday Forumite Posts: 49
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I give birthday presents because I enjoy giving presents and like people to know I think about them. I certainly don't do it so my kids get presents back or even to be thanked so yes, I do it anyway.
    When I was a kid, my mums friend who we didn't see very often, used to send selection boxes to my brother and I. We loved getting these as we knew every Christmas we could rely on her to send us sweets and she never let us down. I met up with her when I went to Uni in the town where she lived and she apologised for sending me a boring Christmas present every year! Doing something nice for someone can never be a bad idea.
  • niki23
    niki23 Forumite Posts: 26 Forumite
    this is a very interesting thread because my mum resents her sister (my aunt) for often forgeting birthdays and christmas for us, whereas she always sends my cousins stuff.

    Personally I am not too bothered by my aunt's absent mind, when I see her she more than makes up for it, when I was a student she would send me away with bags full of food, and after forgetting birthdays for 2 years, on my 21st birthday she sent me some money with an note saying "do something frivalous, spontaneous and exciting" - a personal reference to me as my parents like to save and don't understand why I am not as frugle as they are. I went to a music festival with the money which was amazing. She promptly forgot christmas 4 months later!!

    My little sister on the other hand really resents my aunt when she forgets.
    I don't buy friends of mine presents every birthday/christmas. What is the point of buying something if you are only doing it to save face. However I often see little things that remind me of the people I care about so often do a random spontaneous present instead. Family I guess is different, but sometimes I buy presents just so they won't get upset. I much prefer to do it when something inspires me!
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