MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should you continue to send birthday presents?

bob4jane

Yeah, being a tad on the poor side is no excuse.
If this contuniued I would be tempted to send a card to THEM (the aunty)... with something in the envelope... something nasty... uruugghhh...
That'll teach 'em.

Or, how about sending them a load of black cards in a parcel, one for each year so they have no excuses?!! -Heck! even write them out to your son/daughter, with "Love From Auntie Cheapskate and Uncle Scrooge xxx"

liz545

I think the best solution would be to talk to my sister; explain that you were wondering if the presents you'd been sending were actually arriving (mention something about postal theft if you're embarrassed), and ask how she feels about continuing to send gifts. This gives her the opportunity to say if she feels that she can't keep up with the cost, and you could maybe discuss setting a price limit on gifts. You might want to explain that you don't begrudge sending gifts to her kids, but you'd like to feel that they appreciated them, and your kids really love receiving cards from their cousins on their birthdays. I wouldn't necessarily stop sending gifts, but I'd try and find out exactly why she'd stopped sending them before jumping to conclusions.

JimmyTheWig

I would keep the moral highground and carry on sending stuff.
Doesn't need to be expensive.

The 99p shop is selling perfume at the moment. Some of it is quite nice. We've just got some for Christmas presents for extended family. I think this would be perfect for a 13 year old niece.
This plus a card from a pack and you're talking £1.19 + postage. The money doesn't come into it. No-one is that hard up that they can't spare a couple of quid a couple of times a year.

Aggie_3

JayD wrote: »

What a strange dilemma to give us!
If I felt upset that there was a lack of recognition concerning my own children's birthdays,


I agree! Do people not talk to their families?! If my sister's suddenly stopped sending gifts to my son, I'd ask why! If it was a genuine money problem, I'd say well just send a card. It could be that like me they have a memory like a sieve and just forget!

My siblings and I all earn different rates of income, and our gifts to each other reflect that. I don't think any more or less of them for that. I just know if their is something a little pricier that my son needs, I'll ask the wealthier if she might consider it for his birthday!

baileysbattlebus

I've got to be honest here, I'm the one who doesn't send birthday cards and presents to my great nephews, there are three of them - and I have three young grandchildren.

My sister sends my grandchildren a birthday card plus £10 for their birthdays, to my address, we live at opposite ends of the country. She also sends them a present or £10 each for Christams.

Now I have a terrible memory for birthdays and anniversaries (my family all know this) if I lived near them it would probably be different.

We are not particularly short of money so what I do is send each of the great nephews £50 each at Christmas (they are aged 1, 18 months and 8 years) There are 2 sets of parents between the 3 children and neither set has very much money.

In some ways it's probably better for them to get a decent amount of money once a year (at the time when you normally spend the most) than it is to get a couple of smaller amounts. I don't think I'm trying to make excuses here.

When they were born the first one aged 8 got £100 and newest 2 got £200 each.

So it's not because I don't care, it's really because I am absolutely hopeless at dates etc. I even forgot our 25th wedding anniversary -- it was on the 2nd day of a holiday to Las Vegas - OH remembered, but with sorting everything out before the holiday for kids and animals, packing and the like, it went clean out of my head.
I forgot my own birthday this year, earlier this month we were on holiday in Florida and my birthday was on our 3rd day - it was a pleasant surprise.

So, it's not always deliberate and luckily for me the kid's parents are happy to receive a cheque just at Christmas.

So my sister still sends birthdays cards & presents.

Luvmyfreebies

I would try to be the bigger person here and not take out any feelings of resentment towards the parents on the kids.

I would continue to send a small gift and a card until they reach 18 and then just a card, regardless of what my kids get in return, just as I have done for my nephews & nieces through the years. I would (and do) appreciate and expect a thank you of some sort in return, and so long as they keep coming then I would have no problem at all. When we were kids we always had to write thank you letters and I encourage (/nag!) my children to do the same.

I do have a niece & nephew who barely acknowledge thier gifts (sometimes even when I have given it to them personally!) let alone say thank you, but that would not stop me giving them. I put their lack of respect or appreciation squarely at the door of their parents.

Clueless969

How about a slightly different view, bearing in mind that the details for this maze are a bit scanty.

Look at your Christmas card list and count up the number you send against the number you receive. Do you send more than you get? If so, ask yourself why are you still sending cards to the people who do not reciprocate? The answer to this question is likely to shine a light on your attitude to children and their presents.

As to the whole subject of birthday/Christmas presents, they should be banned for all ages. There is so much peer group pressure that presents either need to fit in with today's fad or they are largely ignored. Not only that but in well regulated groups, all that happens is that the money spent moves around in a circle and folks largely end up with stuff they don't want or need.

Cards almost make sense but not presents, particularly in this materialistic age.

If one needs to send presents, the agreement should be that there is a fixed maximum to be spent, say £5 and plain wrapping, and the item purchased should either be edible or a giggle and that everyone expects any non-edible item to end up in the charity shop when it stops being a giggle.

Most cards are a rip off and wrapping paper is a bigger rip off and, generally, both are a total waste of money. By the time you've added it all up, you will have likely spent more money on the card, wrapping paper and postage than you did on the present.

I also feel that if a child, having reached teen years, has to be coerced into writing a thank you note then you should stop sending presents.

My own philosophy regarding this sort of thing is that if I like someone enough to give them a present, they will get a present when I discover something that "has their name all over it", rather than waiting for a certain date on the calendar. That way, they never know when they are going to get a (hopefully pleasant) surprise.

A_Star

I always send cards and presents to my niece and nephew and all my friends. Some of my friends never get me birthday presents. Some of my friends didn't even give me a card for my wedding, which I admit hurt me but i'd never hold it against them.

For me I would go without lunch for a week so I could afford a decent present for a friend or relative.

HopeElizzy

MSE_Wendy wrote: »

Both you and your sister have 2 children each

I would speak with my sister and ask her......... if she's not sending because they don't have alot of money spare then I'd be ok with that. Also if she felt uncomfortable because she thought I was spending too much on her littlies I would stop or cut down.

It would depend on the outcome of the discussion with my sister as to whether I carried on giving gifts.

sarah*a

I send all my 11 neices and nephews xmas and birthday cards and presents - and the latest 6 each got birth packages (even the one I haven't seen yet as her mother refuses to speak to the rest of the family!!) - as will the next one due in January.

I don't expect anything back (although thank yous are always appreciated) as I do it because I love them. Gifts will stop at 16 - haven't decided about 'big' birthdays yet as we've a way to go until then.

But it does niggle me that on my side of the family - with the exception of one brother - none of them acknowledge my step-daughters birthday. They do remember her at xmas so thats something - but her birthday passes each year without even a card.

oh - and in my case I'm the one on the low income - so money shouldn't be an issue it's the thought that counts.

As for stopping sending - I haven't because it's not the kids fault and they shouldn't miss out because of their unthoughtful parents.
Be the bigger person.