MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should you continue to send birthday presents?

Garden_Girl

I would keep sending them to the children whilst I could still afford it. It is not the children's fault that their parents don't reciprocate, and if the parents are that hard up it is a treat for them.

To get over the thank you business, if they are not the best at saying thank you - why not put a chatty little letter or a card in with the pressie and ask if they would acknowledge receipt so that you know they have received it? You could encourage them to make a thank you card, either by hand or an ecard, explaining that they are the best kind.

SusanC_2

I would carry on the same as I had been. Why take it out on the child when it is the parent's actions? If the child doesn't thank for the present then that is different as it is the child's actions (assuming the child is a reasonable age) but to stop giving presents because of the parent is not fair.

draughty

I had a similar problem and suggested my sister-in-law bought her children's presents herself and wrapped them as though from us, and I did the same thing - it then occured to me that perhaps she wouldn't bother and the children would miss out.

It is not the children's fault, therefore I would suggest presents continue to be sent - personally, however low ones income is, it doesn't cost much to send a card and these can be obtained quite cheaply from local markets etc.
remember you are not dealing with your sister as such, purely her children who are probably unaware of the situation.

alnorris

Fully agree with many of the points here. But think it's important to remember that it's the parents' who are setting these rules, not the kids. We have a similar problem with DH's sister who barely acknowledges our two children. However, that doesn't stop us sending cards & gifts for her 13yr old son (our nephew). Our issue is with her, not with our nephew and he hasn't done anything to upset us, so why shouldn't we still send him cards and gifts? Our kids don't do too badly when it comes to birthdays and Christmas and have never mentioned the fact that they don't receive anything from their aunty - and we don't mention it in front of them either. She may not want to be a "good aunty" to them, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be a good aunt/uncle to our nephew.

The problem is usually between the parents and not the kids. So why should the kids suffer as a result of that?

As for not being very well off, you can get cheap cards that don't look cheap if you know what I mean. Or handmade ones always go down well. A friend of mine sells cards and I usually buy a bulk supply every now and then so I've always got a card available when I need one - this also saves me money in the long run as well!

Finally, I fully agree that kids should make sure they say "thank you" for their gifts as well. We always make our kids write out "thank you" notes to everyone who gets them a gift. I do think it's rude when you don't get a thank you after you've gone to the trouble of sending a card and gift and remembering their special day.

brassick_2

I would send a card only. it seems a bit mean not to receive a card after all you can pick up a really cheap but nice card these days.

cw18

I would continue to send. Even if slightly miffed with sister for not sending cards (don't have to be expensive, and if not close enough to hand deliver a couple of second class stamps a year don't add up to that much), that's no reason to take it out on her children.

BeatrixKiddo

This topic is close to home and makes me v. angry. It is so selfish of someone not to reciprocate when you make the effort (even if it's just a card). As people have said, yes, it is the children who suffer but also if your children suffer why should you make the effort? Maybe I am a meanie but my DH's Brother & Family have 4 kids and we always used to send a card & pressie (even though we had to post it so p+p on top of cost of pressie, and couldn't really afford it). We had 1 Daughter then & they never sent her anything, not even a card. Then when our DD2 was born, not even a card again to acknowledge her (even when we sent Birth Announcements). Tried to make amends & be a bigger person when their eldest DD had a baby & no money so I posted up a big box of our DD2's clothes that she had grown out of (cost £7 to post) and still don't know to this day if they ever received it!

Some people are just selfish, full stop! Rant over!

Jo

Feel much better now LOL

Mrs_Jones22

I'd be pretty upset if it was my kids who were not even receiving a card for their birthdays, after all can get them cheap for 20p so max 55p with a stamp.

But I'd keep sending them as they are my family and you don't give to receive.

Shytalker

Yes, you should continue to send presents but they don't have to be expensive. It's the thought that counts.

It could be that your sister has always been embarrassed that she could not afford to reciprocate with such good presents and might have just given up trying.

I know of a similar problem; my neice was very put out last Christmas when her wealthy brother gave expensive presents to her parents. She said that she simply could not compete. I said that it wasn't a competition and that they would appreciate her present as much as his. She came around to my point of view and agreed that it was not a matter of the actual cost but what was reasonable to spend.

Either way, it is always better to give some token present than not at all. Even a box of chocs would go down well.

JayD

What a strange dilemma to give us!
Are there any parents out there really so peevish as to stop sending cards and gifts to their neices/nephews just becaus it isn't reciprocated?

If I felt upset that there was a lack of recognition concerning my own children's birthdays, I would discuss it with the people concerned but, it is ultimately their decision what they do. Similarly it is my decision what I do and I would not choose to ignore my own family's birthdays.

I would send my neice her 13th birthday card and present as usual.
Where is the dilemma???????????