MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should you continue to send birthday presents?

Lizbetty

We're on a tight budget but I get my kids to make cards or we do them on the PC or just do homemade ones with a bit of card and glue and cut outs from magazines if we're skint. In fact, the people who know us best prefer the home made ones!

It shows you care! There's no excuse for no card at all. Presents are another story if your skint. Although we make buns or fudge instead. So maybe there's no excuse for no presents either.

It's the gesture and thought rather than what's been spent.

If they're not bothering it's possibly nothing to do with money and more because they can't be bothered. In which case it's probably worth having a chat about not bothering with presents any more for them. I know it's not the kids faults but the parents should be encouraging kids to be nice to folk, even if it is making them things as gifts. Otherwise the one who's giving all the pressies can look a bit of a fool.

jonven

Yes I'd still send a card and present, I can understand them not sending a present if they haven't a lot of money but I think they could afford a cheap card at least but I wouldn't take it out of their kids I would still carry on sending something to them

victoriajj

Even on a low income they could afford to send a card, so if they don't even do this then I would stop sending presents.

bigpat

Your gift (if you give it) is to your neice, not to your sister. This sort of retaliation will only lead to bad blood and family is much too important for that. I would defintely keep giving the presents as long as I could afford to.

Primrose

How I agree with those posters who talk about good manners and saying "thank you". We've stopped sending presents to various nephews and nieces who've received generous gifts in the past and never bothered to acknowledge them. After all, how much does a postage stamp, a phone call or an e-mail cost. I think it's very much a symptom of this materialist age where kids expect so much and take it all for granted.

LoveLifeAgain

I would still send a card and a modest present. They could and should send a card to mine, but their children cannot be blamed for their parents shabbiness, so I would carry on.

bigpat

Katyag wrote: »

He also didnt acknowledge him being born or his christening so we have said enough is enough we arent being taken for mugs anymore so his daughter wont be getting anything for her birthday from now on.

We dont give to recieve

It sounds very much like you DO give to receive, even if you wont admit that to yourself. Why else would you take it out on the child for what the parent fails to do?

cotsvale

My children have 3 aunts and uncles.
1 Very poor, 1 middle income, 1 on £600,000+ per year
Not only do they all forget my 2 children they forget me too. I'd be happy with an email - just to be remembered.

I decided I wanted to send because I love my nieces and nephews all 5 of them, but I do have a limit. I send until they are 18 and then again at 21 for birthdays and up to age 18 at Christmas. I only send a tenner as that is all I can afford and £20 at 18 and 21.

LittleEarner_2

I'm 26, but as a kid, I only got presents from a few of my aunts/uncles. I usually thanked them (at least I hope I did). When I reached 18, the family agreement was to stop gifts, which I definitely agree with. Regardless of the financial position of my family, my parents still bought gifts until my cousins reached 18. However, this was not reciprocated by all of the aunts/uncles.

There are card shops where you can buy a card for 69 pence, or you can make something or even do something with the child in question. So a poor financial situation is no excuse, particularly when the thought counts.

One of my aunts was usually tight for cash, and she made one of my favourite dinners for me or a jar full of penny sweets as a present. I loved it! Another aunt completed ignored my brother and I.

Dorrie wrote: »

Birthdays, however, which are more personal, have continued, but only when the child in question actually acknowledges the gifts and says thank you!

This is an excellent rule, encouraging good manners. I like the idea!


Dan

carla40

we have so many nephews and nieces that we all decided a few years ago that we wouldnt buy each others kids xmas pressies, but on their birthdays we would just send a fiver, which dosen't break the bank, as we are all in the same situation, they only get it until they reach 16, but we do treat them for 18 & 21st birthdays, and we also get them all easter eggs as well. even if we or any of the others couldnt afford to do it then we don't mind


edit:- i forgot to say, we always get a thank you phone call from all nephews and nieces