The ultimate incentive to get debt free, can I do it by New Years?

Dinah93

I'm not qualified to work there now, and I would put everything I own on if I go there, he would never come here. There would always be a promotion he would 'have' to take as its such a great oppertunity. We've had this talk and he would put only a very small payrise over emotional wellbeing. I'm still 14 months off having a transferable qualification, but even then I added a subscription to a few Irish planning job sites when we first got together and there is just absolutely nothing, but then again it's a housing crash, a lot of planning firms are folding. If I went there I would have to take a bar job or something, and it seems such a waste of £28,000 of uni debt and £112,000 spent on private education to serve drinks! I worked damn hard to get where I am, got some of the highest grades in my year, got the highest paid starting salary of all my friends and have just been asked to take a second masters funded by my employer. I might not like my job, but it pays well and I'm good at it and surely that should count for something. If I went there I would have to live in some grotty flat on my stupid bar wage on my own. I can't go with a positive attitude, it'd be like saying my career and my life don't matter and I'd be some groupie just waiting around for the time I could spend with him as the only purpose of my week. I know that sounds really harsh, but the only thing Ireland has to offer me at this point is him. I've promised to move there when we retire, if it ever comes to that, but I won't need a career or anything then, all I will need is a nice house with some space to paint and read in.

Dinah93

clearmydebts wrote: »

But if you feel homesick after 3-4 days, why have you made him a promise (one that you say you will defo keep) to move over to Ireland. There is no point in making a promise like that if it is going to make you depressed and ill. You will have to tell him that you can't keep the promise, and that you certainly can't move to Ireland.

You only have one shot at life, there is no point in moving somewhere that makes you ill.

Because at the point I would have to go I don't think I would have much remaining value on my own happiness. And more to the point I am willing to try it for him, it's not fair to expect it of him if I can't do it, but he doesn't get how much harder it would be for me, I can't even think of going without crying.

clearmydebts

The only thing I can see is a continuation of the long distance relationship because neither of you seem to want to move to the other country, or there are factors holding you back from moving.

I would have to agree that it is a bad time in Ireland to look for jobs at the moment, however it is also hard in England. I think at the end of the day neither of you wants to give up your career (which is fair enough) but at some stage one of you will have to back down and put 'love' first.

What I would say is, you can't put a price on 'life experience' no matter what qualifications or education you have received.

Listen to your gut instinct and do what it tells you, that would be my advice

Dinah93

Cinny91 wrote: »

I know how you feel! When I was having problems my mum was the only one who could talk to me. It's a great thing how mothers can sooth any problem. My parents too used to drop me and my brother + sister off at my grandparents every now and then so they could have date nights. I loved spending that time with them, got some great memories from those nights!

I sure as hell would not want to leave my family, job and roots to live in a place where I wasn't too sure if people liked me just because I'm english. That wouldn't make for a happy life, or a place to bring up your kids. Now I've heard the rest of the story, stand your ground missy! You've done alot for him and if he can't do this one thing for you, over a 'rock', I'll give him what for okay, maybe not but you get what I mean!!

I really want this to work, I honestly believe he's The One, and if I can't be happy with him then I can't be happy with anyone so I should give up and invest in several more cats. If he's prepared to do this for me, then I owe him the same if he is genuinely unhappy here, I don't know I would be miserable there, but I know I've gotten depressed just on a two week holiday before, so it does honestly terrify me how I could get being away indefinitely. The more I talk about this on here the more certain I am there is no way round this. I don't think I've done anymore than he has for me, he's amazing sometimes, very kind and generous, used to be insanely romantic, sweet, funny, but when he's away it's like all the emotion he feels here vanishes and he becomes cold and logical and only money/business foccussed, which makes sense I suppose as those are certiainly the attributes his dad prioritises. I'm the other way, family is always going to come before any money or work for me, he seems to think more money = happier family. I think more time together = happier family.

Dinah93

clearmydebts wrote: »

The only thing I can see is a continuation of the long distance relationship because neither of you seem to want to move to the other country, or there are factors holding you back from moving.

I would have to agree that it is a bad time in Ireland to look for jobs at the moment, however it is also hard in England. I think at the end of the day neither of you wants to give up your career (which is fair enough) but at some stage one of you will have to back down and put 'love' first.

What I would say is, you can't put a price on 'life experience' no matter what qualifications or education you have received.

Listen to your gut instinct and do what it tells you, that would be my advice

And if my gut tells me he doesn't value me as much as him? I don't think it's a concious decision, he knows I don't feel as strongly for my career as he does for his and therefore thinks I should be more moveable, however I do actually have a well paid job in it already, he has an equal chance of getting one in a rubbish economy in either country. I can't move my family. At present he still say's he's coming to try, but we have this discussion once we've been apart 7-14 days every single time, trust me if I thought he was capable of just biting the bullet and finding out if it can work out then I would do anything to make it happen.

clearmydebts

He should really honour his promise then, and make the move. The worst that could happen is that is doesn't work out and he can go back home. Can he defer the Masters and work for a year?

Tete_en_l'Air

I agree, if you really can't go there then he should honour his promise that once you're debt-free he'll come over, otherwise what's all this for? Maybe he just needs to go in at the deep end and come over asap, no procrastination. Maybe once he's here he'll be so happy to be with you all the time he'll just get on with it. When do you see him again?

Dinah93

Can't get work, my feelings are personally that if he isnt doing the masters he should take a job, any job, here or there, until he starts the GDL in september, which is part-time so he could still work alongside it. Obviously a legal job would be ideal but he wrote to literally hundreds of firms and got lots of 'no thank you's' back. If it was a job here then hopefully he could continue the same job through alongside his GDL. Plus he's close to killing his dad or brother so needs to move out, to me it seems utter madness for him to take a flat over there. We'll see one another much less if he gets a job there too just because of the days they run flights during the winter. His dad gives him hell for 'doing nothing' but he doesn't want him to take a supermarket job or something, seems to think it's beneath him. Surely it's more respectable to work for a living at something simple than to sit at home because you are somehow too good for what is offered you?!

Hopefully he will stick to what he said (don't like to say promise, I don't want him to feel obligated here, if he is moving under duress he'll hate me for it) and come here in the next few months, the ammount he is bringing up the whole do i/don't i conversation I can't see this issue dragging on until september, it's putting far too much strain on the relationship having the same conversation over and over and over again so one way or another I think it needs to be resolved.

A large part of me thinks this is my fault, he had no doubts about coming here and everything until I stopped him proposing, now he's pulled so far back from me I need a map and compass to find him. Anyone have any romantic ideas to say 'i know I was an idiot and broke your heart, I thought I was acting in your best interest, please forvgive me and trust me again'?

Dinah93

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

I agree, if you really can't go there then he should honour his promise that once you're debt-free he'll come over, otherwise what's all this for? Maybe he just needs to go in at the deep end and come over asap, no procrastination. Maybe once he's here he'll be so happy to be with you all the time he'll just get on with it. When do you see him again?

Sunday morning. Thing is he is happy when he's here, I know he is. I also knows he feels relieved when he gets off the plane and sees the tricolour over Dublin, but I'm not demolishing Ireland or forbidding him from going back! Might be all rose tinted but why are we waiting to try to be happy all the time, not just every other weekend?!

elantan

ooohhhh i just noticed you have a diary nice one ...will need to start at the beginning now and read on ...did notice however you are doing this to get together with your bf ...fantastic