The ultimate incentive to get debt free, can I do it by New Years?

Lara44

It's an interesting one. A while back I thought I would definitely want OH to ask my Dad, but I think I am changing my mind as I get older.

Now I have lived in a different country from my parents for 9 years, and OH and I have lived together for a good while, it doesn't seem so important. I don't know if Dad would be offended. The husband of one of my sisters asked, and the husband of my other sister didn't. Still, guess who is more liked .... !

My Mum was really full on with my sister's wedding, and was really demanding, but then she chilled out with the other sister's wedding. Hopefully I'll be off the hook by the time my turn comes around (if ever!). As I would want to have something really low-key with no drama.

Birdie85

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Hmm, funny how you say that about taking charge in shops and woth bills and stuff. I always have to do that with OH because 'I'm good at that kind of thing' (does he mean complaining/being bolshy?), but at the same time I really feel as though he looks after me loads. If we're walking towards a dodgy-looking character in the street, a common occurrence round here, he'll move so that he's between me and that person and that kind of thing. And he can fix cars and stuff, very 'manly' in that way, I love it

That's like my OH! We look after each other in different ways, as it should be really, all give and take. OH is too darn polite to complain about things so he sets the rottweiler (i.e. Me!) on people if things need sorting out, but if someone said one bad word to me he'd come charging in to take care of things. I do wish he could do more DIY though, he's useless!

I see where you're coming from Dinah but a lot of people don't do traditional any more, I don't see how many people can really claim to be traditional when they're living with partners before getting married but making a big deal about asking father's permission to marry and wearing white when they've been sleeping together since the second date! It all seems messed up nowadays, not like when my parents got married- actually I'm fairly sure they'd done the dirty well before getting married- OK, OH's parents got married (good christians who managed to abstain until their wedding night!).

Lara44

Also I forgot, my sister is having her baby tomorrow! A new nephew! She has had diabetes and high blood pressure and this is her third caesarean so we will be relieved when everything is over and everyone is well.

Birdie85

LaraHoust wrote: »

Also I forgot, my sister is having her baby tomorrow! A new nephew! She has had diabetes and high blood pressure and this is her third caesarean so we will be relieved when everything is over and everyone is well.

Congrats to you and your sister, hope everything goes well! I wish my brother's fiancee would get pregnant soon, I can't wait to be an auntie!

Tete_en_l'Air

Birdie85 wrote: »

That's like my OH! We look after each other in different ways, as it should be really, all give and take. OH is too darn polite to complain about things so he sets the rottweiler (i.e. Me!) on people if things need sorting out, but if someone said one bad word to me he'd come charging in to take care of things.

Yep, that's us exactly! I was fiercly independent when we met, because I'd been alone for a long time, took a while to get used to him doing things for me, buying treats, giving lifts and stuff. I'm still always really appreciative and I think he takes offence a little bit, as though he thinks I'm surprised he'd be nice to me.

Birdie85 wrote: »

... wearing white when they've been sleeping together since the second date! It all seems messed up nowadays, not like when my parents got married- actually I'm fairly sure they'd done the dirty well before getting married- OK, OH's parents got married (good christians who managed to abstain until their wedding night!).

This reminds me of a conversation I had with Mam and Granny a while back (I forget who we were talking about):
Gran: "Well she thinks she's so great, always trying to convince everyone she was a virgin on her wedding night"
Mam: "Oh, weren't we all?"
Gran: "Well I was, all four times!" :rotfl:

Grandma's like the black widow or something, when I was growing up I thought it was normal to have had four husbands by the time you're in your 50s! :rolleyes:

Hope all goes well with your Sis Lara!

Dinah93

Hope the caesarian goes well Lara, exciting day for your family.

I wouldn't live with NIM before marriage though, I think we should be married to set up on our own. I don't think less for anyone making this choice, but for me I felt forced to live with my ex, and I hated it, not just because of his behaviour, but simply that it felt intransigent and made me very unhappy. I am looking forward to being married as I will be able to set up my own family home, and it will be the defining start of a new stage of my life. Living with my parents is a long way from the responsibility of running my own house, and feeling like NIMs missus, I would be uncomfortable if he described me as anything more than his girlfriend as I don't think we are. My church has always taught the party line that a sin is not sex outside of marriage, but that man should not spill his seed outside of woman, ie no barrier contraception, no same sex relationships, and no erm, special time to himself (blushing). But then marriage when the Bible was written wasn't very similar at all, and while most wealthy women remained pure till their wedding, it was not the case for women of the lower castes. The society-wide obsession with 'purity' was well before the introduction of Christianity, and made a modern resurgence in the last few hundred years. It's hard to follow the biblical line when some of the most central values in the Bible such as plural marriage, are not just frowned on but illegal in our society. Yet Jacob and Abraham, both respected and holy men by all accounts, as well as most men in the Bible, had several wives apiece (top of my head I believe Jacob had 4, I know of at least 2 of Abrahams but unsure if there were more). As you might have just realised (and regretted setting me off on), theology is sometihng I am facinated by.

Tete_en_l'Air

Damn, I've just realised I've botched my NSD by buying those Beamish tickets! If the money goes out tomorrow, I guess today can be a NSD technically?

Dinah93

Could you not just have tomorrow as a NSD instead Tete?

Tete_en_l'Air

Dinah93 wrote: »

My church has always taught the party line that a sin is not sex outside of marriage, but that man should not spill his seed outside of woman, ie no barrier contraception, no same sex relationships, and no erm, special time to himself (blushing).

:eek: Sounds like a recipe for an unmanted pregnancy and an STI to me! Whatever happened to advising kids to 'explore each others bodies'?? Or I guess that's not what they're telling the teenage contingent?

Tomorrow is a spend day as I'm off to the cinema, and have already put off buying a couple of things today

Dinah93

I think the idea is more that sex becomes less of a casual thing, if there is a condom there then thats the physical side taken care of and they tend not to think about the emotional. However it becomes a much more commited, intimate act when there is nothing between the two people, and requires a lot more forethought. Of course this approach can only really work in context, and isn't for casual encounters. I wouldn't advise it as a method taught in school, as most kids there just aren't emotionally mature enough to think of other options. However from a church, those kids are more receptive and prepared to think in a slightly different way, and are less likely to be at it behind the bikesheds in exchange for penny chews during school lunch break (okay extreme non-example I know!). I've never heard the advice from any quarter to explore one another's bodies!

I've never gotten pregnant, or had an STI, and NIM and I have never used condoms for which I am very grateful as I think they take away from the closeness of what sex is supposed to be. A loving act between two commited people. Obviously I would never actually say any of this to young teens, their hormones are everywhere, they need themselves condoms, pills, everything they can get since they're never about to not have sex. But once the newness wares off and they gain a bit more emotional stability, I think a lot of people, religious or not, start to value sex for it's loving value rather than as a novelty.