The ultimate incentive to get debt free, can I do it by New Years?

Birdie85

We're thinking 2011. I'd like it to be earlier but we need to save up for it as I don't think either set of parents will be able to contribute a lot and I don't expect them to.

Thinking about it I'd rather we get married next year, I've always said I wanted to get married at 25 which I will be next May. We're still keeping the engagement quiet as OH still hasn't had a chance to talk to my Dad! Every time we've seen my parents my Mum's been hovering around or my Dad's been tired or grumpy or in a hurry! I think that if he can't ask Dad soon we're going to have to throw tradition out of the window and just announce it to them!

Dinah93

I think it's very important he asks your dad first, I know my dad would feel put out and consider my potential husband quite poorly mannered if he didn't ask.

I always thought I would be married at 25, no chance of that now. Still a glimmer of hope for 26, but not likely if NIM has anything to do with it!

Tete_en_l'Air

Oh I'm such an old maid, I probably won't even be married by 30!

I can't decide whether I'd like OH to ask Dad or not, I think I would but when my friend (another one) got engaged she said she was glad her hubby hadn't asked her Dad because she didn't want him to know about it before she did, she wanted the excitement of telling her parents about the engagement. Which I can sort of understand as well.

Dinah93

I'm old fashioned, I'd want a man who would have the balls to ask my dad, would kind of prove he could take care of me. Plus my dads blessing would be very important to me. My ex talked about getting married but was 'too scared' to ask him (to be fair, he hated him). But then I was always the one who had to talk to a manager if there was a problem in a shop, or take responsibility for the bills, I want a guy who takes care of me now!

Birdie85

I know it's important but I'm not hiding it for months because OH and my Dad never get to see each other! OH doesn't drive so it's not like he can just pop round to see him.

Good point Tete too about surprising parents with it. If my Dad knew he'd definitely tell my Mum as he can't keep a secret, she's even worse at keeping secrets so she'd tell my brother and there'd be no surprising them with the news!

Dinah93

Oh and I don't think 30 is old maid territory! 70 and still waiting, now yeah you might have cause to think you may be left on the shelf....

Birdie85

Dinah93 wrote: »

I'm old fashioned, I'd want a man who would have the balls to ask my dad, would kind of prove he could take care of me. Plus my dads blessing would be very important to me. My ex talked about getting married but was 'too scared' to ask him (to be fair, he hated him). But then I was always the one who had to talk to a manager if there was a problem in a shop, or take responsibility for the bills, I want a guy who takes care of me now!

I know my OH has the balls to ask my Dad, if only he could get the chance to be alone with him! He's a strong man both physically and mentally and he doesn't have to prove himself to me or my family, if any of us asked that of him surely we'd have to prove ourselves worthy of him too, it's not like we have an initiation into our 'club'!

I don't know how bothered my Dad is about being asked. He'd appreciate the gesture, but would be just as happy with a quiet word over a pint and a promise to look after me after telling him we're getting married. Dad knows that OH wants to be with me forever and will look after me, he would not have wanted me to buy the flat with OH if he had any doubts about him.

Dinah93

I'm not getting at your OH in any way Birdie, just saying for me, it would be very important, and having heard my dad comment before, I know it would be to him too. But then I'm extremely traditional, and to me that is the 'proper' way around. My boyfriends have all tended to be a bit scared of my dad, he's a true protector type, despite being very well spoken and polite, I think NIM is only put off by the fact that he keeps raising the bar romantically and NIM can't keep up!

Tete_en_l'Air

Hmm, funny how you say that about taking charge in shops and with bills and stuff. I always have to do that with OH because 'I'm good at that kind of thing' (does he mean complaining/being bolshy?), but at the same time I really feel as though he looks after me loads. If we're walking towards a dodgy-looking character in the street, a common occurrence round here, he'll move so that he's between me and that person and that kind of thing. And he can fix cars and stuff, very 'manly' in that way, I love it

Dinah93

I used to be a lot more independant, but I seem to have mellowed and become much happier letting my OH take the lead as I get older. I'm really not good at confrontation, it gets me upset and worked up, and I hated that I always had to sort out the bills ex hadn't paid, or speak to the landlord if he still hadn't fixed something, I like being with someone who doesn't expect me to always do that since it scares me a lot, and it doesn't really phase NIM.