MSE Parent Club - Part 2

lwcus78

You are not a failure!! You are soooo naughty to even think that!!!
Have you tried kangaroo hugs with LO. I used to love it-strip LO down to nappy and tuck him under your top. LO loved it too.
Maybe the scan was a few weeks out so he may still get the hang of sucking.
xx

keelykat

You're not a failure! (here's me saying that when i feel like one myself but seriously you're not). xx

ladybirdintheuk

Feelie - I know it's easier said than done, but you mustn't blame yourself because it's not working out. Keep trying for as long as you feel able to, but don't beat yourself up about it.

Caz, that's a lovely picture.

I had to go fetch the cot matress in the end - parcel force forgot to put it in the van this morning, so it was a good thing I called them to check in time to go fetch it myself. We got home, then discovered we don't have any sheets that fit - cue shopping trip tomorrow morning! We're making do with a familiar blanket for now, which is probably no bad thing. Got her down fine. She woke up again about half an hour ago, but a few mins of shhhing and soft talking and she was off again. ~cross fingers~ we all get enough sleep tonight!

Curious_George_2

feelie - my DS was born bang on his dates (and im 100% sure of that) but his feeding and other problems in his first few weeks made several professionals ask how early he was,
i dont think his stomach was ready for the onslaught of milk, i know his liver wasnt fully functional, because of all the jaundice, so its possible his other organs were not quite right...

he was an early baby in a full term body! he wouldnt feed properly no matter what i did, when we were in hospital for the heat lamp treatment we were minutes away from having a feeding tube put in his nose but i practically forcefed the kid so it wouldnt happen,
i had to express so they could see exactly what he was taking, and he was as keen on a bottle as he was on my breast... no interest at all,
but once we were out of the hospital he seemed much more interested on the bottle than me, so i decided to express bottle feed, i have to be honest it took a lot out of me, i only had a little manual pump and the constant sterilising, pumping, feeding troubles etc wore me out... it was a constant stress and ruining all our time together, so i talked it over at great length with my OH and we decided to switch to formula,
it broke my heart as i love the closeness but in another way it was such a relief, after a year (including awful pregnancy and then newborn problems) my body was finally all mine again, no more sore nipples (my god! is there another pain quite like that??!) but at no point did i feel a failure,
he was much happier, started to sleep better, daddy could feed him and it felt like a giant weight had been lifted.

Ive heard many stories of mums needing a few weeks to really get used to BFing, think of it this way, its a new skill for both of you... you dont expect to sit in a car for the first time and just drive it, it all takes practice and patience and the determined willpower that only a mother can understand to carry on,
if you want to stick with it then you need to believe you can do it, get as much support as possible be it from us, your family, friends, OH, your midwives etc
but if you want to switch to formula then please please dont feel like you have failed in any way, remember a healthy baby is not a failure
that horrible knotted feeling in your stomach is guilt and we all have it, but you cant let it ruin you and force you into descisions that make you unhappy.

cazscoob

thanks!! at last i have a smiling pic lol!!!

feelie dont feel like a failure, your doing great. if you can express then keep going as long as your happy enough to do it and a less stressed.

ladybird im sure it was boots i saw the different sized sheets and they were 3 4 2??

Becles

feeli - you're doing a fab job so far, so don't think otherwise.

Charlotte was born at 36 weeks and it took her a few days to get going with the BF'ing.

I know guidelines say blah blah, but the method I found easiest with all three was:
hold the baby like normal so his head is cradled in your elbow (you might find it easier if he's on a pillow or cushion)
then I'd put my index and the next finger either side of my nipple and aereola and squeeze so my nipple was really sticking out
when baby opens his mouth, push the nipple in as far as you can and then cuddle him in

It's not just the nipple that they suck on. The milk comes out by the baby mouthing on the aereola as the milk ducts are underneath this.

Just something to try but I'll not be offended if it doesn't work for you. It's very much trial and error until you find something that you are both comfortable with.

Chin up and take care xx

tsstss7

Feelie

I pumped for 3 mths so it is possible to keep your milk up for a while at least.

Archie also would not latch at first (he was in scbu and tube fed for three days)...but I found the best thing was to always put him to the breast for a feed before a top up (I used formula mostly as I never made much expressed milk), that way I was still getting some stimulation at each feed...iy didn't matter too much if he actually got any milk at first. Archie was nearly 3 weeks old before he had any kind of latch.

To be honest though it sounds like you are doing really well...lo is getting the fluids needed - you just need to be easier on yourself. Dont forget plenty of snacks and big glasses of water to keep you fed and hydrated - will keep your spirits up.

purplepatch

Feelie, reading your posts takes me back to how I felt when I had Olivia 6 years ago. My DH had been married before and already had a son who had been BF'd and he was full of the 'breast is best' mantra prior to her arrival, so I felt I really had to succeed. Of course things didn't go to plan and I persevered for over a week with bleeding and pus covered boobs. I was so hormonal, absolutely dreaded her waking up, I tried all sorts of positions, had advice from umpteen BF experts, who all said she was latching on ok. Nipple shields didn't help either and I didn't try expressing. I think I spent most of that first week crying and feeling such a failure. In the end my mum and lovely MW between them pretty much ordered me to call it a day and FF. Even DH got over his breast is best thing after he'd had to peel me off the ceiling after every feed, seeing me howling with the pain of it.

And that's basically my story, I gave up BFing and guess what, my DD is an extremely healthy, bright, happy 6 year old and I don't regret it at all. When DD2 was born a couple of years ago, I promised myself during the pregnancy that I would try the BF again, but that if it didn't work I would stop immediately without beating myself up. I gave her one BF after delivery and immediately my nipple came up in a massive blood blister, so I buzzed my buzzer and asked them to bring me the Formula. And that was that.

Obviously BF is the best option, but if you can't do it and you've given it a fair crack of the whip, then don't feel a failure if you choose to give it up as a bad job. The most important thing is a healthy baby and just because you're giving them formula doesn't mean they won't thrive and it certainly doesn't make you in any way an inferior mum.

Good luck whatever you choose to do. Hugs.

ladybirdintheuk

Operation own-bedroom was a resounding sucess. We were up only once in the night and woke up about 6am. Woohoo Izzy has her 2nd lot of injections today. She wasn't too bad after the first ones (slightly grumpy, but that was all), so hopefully we will be ok with these too ~crosses fingers~

anyway, best get dressed - got to take DH to work (have to remind him to get out of bed first. He hasn'tb been up since 6 :rotfl:) then off to do battle with the weeds at the allotment, and pkant some lettuce. I'm too impatient to be a gardener - I want to eat it all NOW!

keelykat

Hi ladies, well we've had our third night of putting Elliot to bed at 7pm.... and it seems to be working so far. Instead of fighting with him later on in the evening, he's dropping off to sleep within ten minutes without me having to wrap him up and cuddle him etc. It's early days, but i'm proud of him so far.

It seems that its his teething thats causing more trouble then loosing his dummy at the moment, he was crying in his sleep-he didnt open his eyes or nothing just crying....so i managed to get some teething gel onto his gums and he stopped so i think (please please please) we may get a tooth sometime soon!

He got up at half 6, and seems happy enough so i do think the earlier nights are helping.

keely.x