Am I over reacting???

LGDNUFC

Hi,

Im after abit of advice....

Ive just recently had a baby girl and a friend came to visit to see our new baby. She gave me a gift for the baby and when I opened it, I was shocked to see the gift she gave to our baby was a gift that she had received from when she had her baby last year, I only know this as I was with her when she received it.the gift was an item of clothing, I didnt say anything at the time, as I didnt know what to say.
I think my O/H thinks I am over reacting but I classed her to be a good friend , I know people say its the thought that counts, but to me there wasnt any thought gone into that gift.
I got quite upset when she left, Im not sure if its hormones or I have a good point..
I really want to say something to her, but not sure if its a good idea. This where I would like you to give me some advice... What would you do? Do I go on as if nothing happened or do I let her know I know? Or am I over reacting?

mr218

your OH is right. dont be too upset. would you be happy with the gift if you had not known that she had received it last year. is it new or has it been used.

lot of people regift things which are not suitable for them. there is nothing wrong with it as long as it is done with consideration. obviously being a busy mum it has skipped her mind.

if you really want to let her know, maybe you can call her up to thank her for it. ask her lightly if she got this for you because her daughter liked her gift so much.

is she a good friend in every other way? if so, dont be hung up on this one episode and forgive her omission. enjoy being with your baby and the other gifts.

lynzpower

maybe she is totally skint! and its better to have a freind give you a present than nothing at all!

5dogs

IMO if she is a good friend, she should have made more of an effort for you and yours.

I know we all like to save money, but that is just plain tight, imho, and I would do the same to her for crimbo/her birthday etc. Actually, save the present she gives you this crimbo and give it to her for her birthday

Oh god, just read the replies posted before mine! Not that I ever hold a grudge (much) lol!

LGDNUFC

5dogs wrote: »

IMO if she is a good friend, she should have made more of an effort for you and yours.

I know we all like to save money, but that is just plain tight, imho, and I would do the same to her for crimbo/her birthday etc. Actually, save the present she gives you this crimbo and give it to her for her birthday

I think Im more upset because when her baby was born I spent a small fortune, and I know you dont give to receive, but like you say I think she made no effort,so I would say I have learnt a very important lesson

VfM4meplse

LGDNUFC wrote: »

I think Im more upset because when her baby was born I spent a small fortune, and I know you dont give to receive, but like you say I think she made no effort,so I would say I have learnt a very important lesson

I agreed that you may be over-reacting until you shared this extra information. It reminds me of a friend who has always been well paid, still lives at the parental home (friend is nearly 50), has no financial committments and is pleasant in every way apart from total tight-fistedness. Even when times have been tough I have always made the effort with gifts, handmade cards etc ...and have received e-cards in rtn...believe me this is not for environmental reasons! Again I have no need for gifts etc, it does irk though when we go out and friend won't join the group for a meal because they have bought a reduced-price sandwich from the supermarket in anticipation...

I think the lesson here is that you friend receives no joy in receiving so don't torment her with gifts in future. This doesn't stop you from continuing to extend your generosity to her child though.

quietheart

I'd be upset if it were a very close friend but otherwise I'd just re-adjust the presents I got for them in the future!
Hormones are terrible things, it probably feels like a huge deal right now but won't in the future.
Don't sweat it. Enjoy your lovely new baby - much more fun!

Bitsy_Beans

In the grand scheme of things it's not worth getting too upset about it. However I do think it smacks of laziness on her part. I too recently had a baby girl. A friend of ours came round to see her and apologised for not buying a gift but she was skint. I'd rather people were honest than doing what your friend did. I would definately ajust your spending habits with her in future since she sees no value in it. We spent a small fortune at christmas and birthdays on a friends lad when he was younger. I know you are not supposed to give to receive but she's hardly bothered to spend anything on my children now that they have come along. It does nark me and as such we dont buy anything for him now.

3plus1

Do you know if your friend has financial worries at the moment? It could be that she couldn't afford to buy you anything expensive and she thought it might be a better idea giving you something she already owned that looked better than anything she could buy within her budget.

Alternatively, she could be a stingy cow.

Both possibilities are equally likely. To be honest, I would move on. She came to see you and your new baby and I think that's the important thing. Also, she has a young baby herself, so the two of you should be able to lean on each other for support as your little ones are growing up! Don't throw that away.

Even if she is stingy, I'm sure she has some good traits which is what made you want to be friends with her in the first place.

ailuro2

Regifting is a good way to make use of gifts you were given for your baby but never fitted, we got as few presents that were too small for DD by the time they were given, and I had no idea where they had been bought from, but of course I didn't like to say to an elderly relative they had bought the wrong size.

I passed these on to other people, not as gifts,more as a way of passing the gift on and not letting it go to waste, that would have been an awful waste.Regifting is a lot more populat and acceptable now than 10 years ago, though!

If you friend had a baby last year, money could well be tight, (as you will now know, the little darlings cost a fortune! )and I see no harm in giving a gift as long as it is still new.Maybe she didn't have time to get to the shops and forgot you were there when she opened it.

Of course, it might be something she liked so much for her baby she bought the same thing for yours...did you think of that?;)

Either way, good friends are hard to come by, and imho it would be best to sweep this one under the rug.

enjoy your new baby, and be glad you have a friend who found time to come visit.;)

candygirl

I too would find it insulting, especially as you made so much effort when her baby was born.IMO it's about the lack of effort not the money, she could have bought a simple gift, which would reflect thought, and effort.
You could always say, "Gosh this reminds me of the outfit that so and so got for your baby last year, you must have the same taste."
Top tip , don't buy her anything else, but remain friends:D