The Quest

Shoe_Gal

Well done Lula, you've done a brave thing but I think it was the right decision:grouphug:

mum2one

Hi Lula
Thats brilliant that u reported xbf to the police, it just may be the kick up the rear that he needs, and by informing his mother, she certainly wont want the police on her doorstep. As they say the hardest step is the 1st, but youve got the police on your side, and remember that, if you get any more hassle just ring them and report it, also ask for a reference no, if they didnt give u one, as if it happens again rather then the saga of haveing to explain it all they will just be able to being up the info.
We had to do down that route with dd dad, our telephone number was flagged up, so to say so that if we rang they knew it meant trouble.

Shouldnt laugh, but about this time, dd she must of been 1 - 1/2 yrs, she was in her walker, didnt realise she had been playing with the phone, next minute the phone rings, you can imagine the conversation

me - hello
caller - its the police here if everything ok
me - yes its fine, thanks for ringing
police - r u sure theres nobody there, you dont have to be so polite
me - honestly everythings ok
police - r u sure, are u alone
me - no got daughter here, parents upstairs
police - we have a patrol car on way (bear in mind we are 1 mins drive from police station)
me - we dont need one, were ok
police - weve just had a 999 call and some gurgling - dd is smiling
me - I could of died of embarresment.

On a pratical side, keep a diary of the events, even if u dont answer the phone and u see his number, once he gets a word from the police I think ir will be what he needs.

Thats brilliant about ur friend and clothes for dd, its lovely when people do that, one of the ladies on another thread sent me a package of clothes for dd, thet her dd had grown out of, I was never so touched, its like family, but dont know we were all live.

If u need anything shout or pm and if I can help I will.

I went through the mess with ex but eventaully came through the other side, so know what ur haveing to go through xx

Hollyberry

Lula - I am so glad that you have involved the police. Phew! :T

I am also noting that you will now be very fit for Borneo (and DD very well dressed)... Back when I was younger and fitter, I used to do six weeks on an archaeological dig each summer; after the first day, a strange hunched beast would make its way to my bath :eek: and emerge wrinkled but human a couple of hours later. If the human body could remember pain, I'd be feeling yours.

moo2moo

Mouth tightly zippered shut. I ain't saying nofink Gov, besides nobody likes a smart !!!!!

Glad you've done something, no one should ever be made to hide within their own home. I did that enough as a child. Funny how everyone thats made suggestions has been there, done that and has the t-shirt. Theres far too much of this sort of thing going on.

Fortunately my experiences of this were from a nice stalker rather than a nasty one, but a stalker none the less. Regardless of whether or not she was invited or even expected my Dad had a wanna be girlfriend that used to time her "ooh I was just passing" spiel to coincide with his arrival home from work. Mum was barely cold at that stage and Dad was doing everything he could to hold it together so when a mutual friend of my parents appeared once in a while to babysit so he could go out (we'd been latch key kids from 7) or to cook dinner because he'd been working late he thought nothing of it. For years we'd come home from school to caserole dishes left on the doorstep by one of mums friends and another used to pop in and collect a basket full of ironing so this wasn't anything unusual at first. But then it got to the stage where she'd sit in her car outside the house waiting for us to arrive home. The funniest occassion ever was dad on a rare day off hearing her engine. Nipping downstairs and locking the front door then the two of us hiding in his bedroom. We played draughts, chess, monopoly and a few other very long games never braving the downstairs of the house whilst she sat in her car. Then my little brother arrived home and let her in. She spent an hour or so pottering in the kitchen, vacuuming and doing other domesticated things before rent-a-gob (my brother) came upstairs, heard the giggles, burst into my dads room and demanded to know what the hell was going on and why he had to put up with Attilla the Girlfriend when the rest of us were pretending to be out. She apparently thought we'd gone for a walk as dads car was in the garage. The woman should have had a job in a crime scene reconstruction. Needless to say she left in a huff and the next we heard she was married to a widower with two children. Freaky!

Totally changing the subject. Today is World Book Day and children are invited to attend school dressed as their favourite book character. Notice on the staff room board informed all staff that they are not exempt from this and that ugly sisters dresses are available from the school attic. Bizarely they were too. All male staff have now been issued with pantomime dame costumes and hideous wigs. The poor newbie has been given a teeny tennis skirt, a vest top and some pom poms and told he can go as a cheerleader from High School Musical. The girlies are being vaguely more normal. Head of English is the Very Hungry Caterpillar and I'm Mrs Bear from Peace At Last (purely because I get to go to school in my PJs). DD2 is going in cow pjs (the little girl from Counting Cows) - spotting the common trend yet? - DD1 is letting the side down and going as Roald Dahls Matilda because she doesn't want to look stupid all day. I have 30 minutes to persuade her that PJs will be way more fun.

Mel2500

Great that you've got the xbf situation hopefully sorted and the counselling underway. I definitely think it's easier to deal with all things financial if the other things in your life seem under control (even down to tidying my desk in my case, although sadly this compulsion rarely extends to the rest of the house).

Lula, I meant to ask, do you use money off grocery coupons? I'm a recent convert (Codes 'n vouchers board - Updated Printable Money off Coupons & Policies Thread 3 ) so probably a bit evangelical on the subject and you probably know all this, but it's quite easy to save about £5/week off the grocery bill if your local Tesco/Waitrose is coupon friendly. I think you said you didn't currently have a printer but there are often tips and links to get them posted to you. (Re. the printer our local Freecycle seems to have lots of these on offer as people upgrade - it might be worth checking out if you have one.)

Right better go and face the day - I wonder if work would notice if I turned up in my PJ's?

Wol2

Hi Lula

Quick pop on before I dash out to see a client...

Well done on reporting to the police...:T ....at least now they have the evidence and means to act should the need arise......and hopefully it now means "it" will desist and you can feel free to go about your daily life without feeling under seige!

Counselling takes a while before you see where it's going and can focus on particular issues......so do persist ... it's been great for me but then I'm very lucky to have such a good counsellor..:D

....I guess a wheelbarrow load of guinea pigs would be a poor substitute for orang- utans?? Weeek weeek Auntie Lula

Onwards and upwards my dear........
xxx
:beer:

Lula-Hula

Ohhhh i'm a bit overwhelmed by all these lovely messages

- you are a truly fabby bunch of lovelies & I think this calls for a big :grouphug: & :kisses3: for you all. Thank you all again :A.

Moo- well done for :silenced: - must be torture but I have already made a mental not that should I ever decide i like the look of a male again ... then I will desptach him to you for a thorough [STRIKE]interrogation[/STRIKE] vetting . :eek: to your friendly stalker - love the thought of you hiding upstairs while she got busy with the chores downstairs :rotfl:DD's school having an arabian nights them so she's gone in swathed in various scarves & baggy trousers - wanted to use her silky primark pj's but we used those last year for the chinese or japanese week :rolleyes:

Makeup - thanks, it was pretty grim having to show lewd texts to the officer, but fortuantely she was very nice & quite young so on seeing the one about him offering me eggs she just said " cor, he knows how to win a girl over :rolleyes: "

SarahNeedle - freebies are fab & I really must get a digitial camera 7 learn how to do ebay so I can sell on stuff too

Shoe Gal - thankyou & hugs much less fattening than hobnobs

Mum2one - thank you & so glad your dramas with the ex are over, know just what you mean about 999 calls, I came out of a parents meeting once & as soon as I turned the phone on I had an operator asking my location I'd not locked the keypad on my mobile & somehow dialled 999 I got a good ticking off & have never left keypad unlocked since :rolleyes:

Mel2500 - we do have printer now as I had splurge just after chirstmas & though I'd got a bargain only to get home & realise it didnt have a scanner :mad: I couldnt get it to work yesterday but then realised that it had run out of ink - well, they dont give you much in the free one - tight gits :rolleyes: Thanks for the vousher linky - will get new cartridge & check it out :T

Wol - this consellor is great but I think I bombarded her with 'issues' as was very confused & also xbf stuff playing on my mind, with that now dealt with I'm hoping I can find my way a bit more next time. It's only a 6 week freebie course but if she thinks more sessions would be helpful then I will certainly continue. Quite tempted by a barrowful of piggies ... particularly as i remembered this moring that it's not Borneo where the orphanage is, it's Burma :doh: , not much closeer though .

Right, down to business :

I'm really really enjoying the leafletting - I felt very self conscious at first but now that I've done my local area & am no longer likely to bump into peole I know, it's great. I enjoy the walking & have now discovered the benefits of 'athletic socks' with cushiony bits feet. I love being nosy at peoples houses, cars & am getting loads of gardening inspiration too . no one has thrown the leaflets back at me & everyone who I've encountered before getting to the door has said thank you. I have been to some really grim areas & it's true that the more downwardly mobile an area, the bigger & more barky the dogs :rolleyes: . I will save my favourite moments in these 'zones' for another day.

I did a tatco shop this morning having been shamed by Mel2500's article & the realisation that I just cant afford to keep going there... so have done myself a list of products that i think are truly worthwhile getting from Waitrose ie cheese, pasta, fruit & veg - if not going to co op - & interestingly their own dried fruit & nut mix in big bags is way cheaper than tatco.

I ended up spending £ 34 of which £10 was on presents, toiletries & household stuff so only £24 on groceries... but will need top ops during the week as I was rudely interrupted mid-shop by lady from the domestic abuse unit :eek: . She forgot to ask if I was free to talk & launched into her reasons as to why I should forge ahead with the harassment order as she's seen this sort of thing before & men dont usually take any notice blah feminist rant blah & didnt pause for breath until I ( cowering in the 'feminine' section) said "well, I am in tatco at the moment so it's not really the best time for me to discuss this so said I'd call her back. She really made me feel very pressured at the time & I couldnt wait to get out of there.

Having had a coffee, put my shopping away & calmed down a bit we spoke again & I calmly explained my reasons for not going ahead with at the moment & having bothered to listen to me she did agree & said that they are used to dealing with women who make the charges & then 3 weeks later go back to partner I reassured her that wasnt going to hapen & that I did not believe I was under any threat at all.

I think the work these women do is wonderful & I am so glad that the whole domestic abuse issue is now taken seriously, I do however, have concerns that someone less capable of articulating their situation could end up being encouraged to make charges that arent necessarily appropriate. But then again, better that than another woman getting beats by some brute.

Oh I do go on , must go collect DD from school now & then plant out my pansies & off out for a drink & supper with friends tonight so

bye for now
lula
xx