Depression Support Thread

Stephb1986_2

Hi CB2 i really appreciate you listening to me you dont know what it means. I just feel like no one wants me like i have two heads or a smell or something.

I've been having problems down stairs and been to the doctors for tests just waiting for the results.

I still have this car crash over me too its driving me mad


ha ha thanks that joke made me laugh


Steph xx

absolutebounder

Stephb1986 wrote: »

ha ha thanks that joke made me laugh


Steph xx

I meant to dedicate it to you as a way of showing that long relationships are not always what they appear.

Horasio

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I have nothing left anymore my fella just dumped me no one wants me i have nothing to live for

(((Big hugs)))

Did this just come out of the blue or have things been wrong for a while?

In my humble opinion, no relationship is better than a bad one. Today is the first day for YOU - to move forward. He doesn't need to figure in your day again, you don't have to put up with his faults. YOU can please YOU!!

It isn't nice suddenly being without a person but go with the feeling - pamper yourself, cry if you need to, then one day, you will be able to move forward.

I had a bad relationship when I was younger and put off finishing it for months. I still had feelings for him but the relationship wasn't good for me. So we mutually agreed to finish and I had a really bad month, then I met someone else and had a happy feeling with the new guy I have never had with the one before.

We are all here to listen and if you want to hear a human, then ring the Samaritans or see your doctor, simply to express how you feel and these feelings are perfectly normal.

Horasio

Our son had his op yesterday and he is home recovering. My OH is staying with him. I have managed to catch up on a few chores and rest at home and enjoying the peace tbh.

My mother is now starting to throw her weight around. My thoughts have been on my son and not my mother. I have had plans for the time off this week and my mother expects me to be ready in 5 minutes at 5 minutes notice when she is in one of her moods.

Most of the time she is lovely but she has this horrible side and is really mean to us. No matter what I say, it doesn't register.

I feel sensitive today due to a horrible dream I had which woke me up in a sweat, not connected with son or family, and don't need her being this way on top. My OH seems distant as well, so I feel alone in a bad way. Why do people have to pss me off?:mad:

beachbeth

CCStar wrote: »

My mother is now starting to throw her weight around. My thoughts have been on my son and not my mother. I have had plans for the time off this week and my mother expects me to be ready in 5 minutes at 5 minutes notice when she is in one of her moods.

Most of the time she is lovely but she has this horrible side and is really mean to us. No matter what I say, it doesn't register.

This sounds just like my mum. Lovely most of the time but she is a jeckyll and hyde character. I hate it when I walk in her house and she has that certain look on her face which means she is in a bad mood. I used to have huge rows with her thinking she would take on board how horrible she was being but she never registered this either. She will quite often act as though she thinks I just sit by the phone all day waiting for her to ring to give me something to do! I have a family to look after and have enough on my plate but she can't see this!

Hope you are feeling a bit better later and not so pi***ed off!

Horasio

beachbeth wrote: »

This sounds just like my mum. Lovely most of the time but she is a jeckyll and hyde character. I hate it when I walk in her house and she has that certain look on her face which means she is in a bad mood. I used to have huge rows with her thinking she would take on board how horrible she was being but she never registered this either. She will quite often act as though she thinks I just sit by the phone all day waiting for her to ring to give me something to do! I have a family to look after and have enough on my plate but she can't see this!

Hope you are feeling a bit better later and not so pi***ed off!

She sounds just like my mum and you have my sympathy. They are not relaxing are they? They seem to know when you are not up to coping with it as well:mad:

I escaped this living 450 miles away but it is coming back to me why I went so far away!

I am supposed to be enjoying the break and she is spoiling it. I am so angry at her for this:mad:

Horasio

absolutebounder wrote: »

Totally confuses me as to what use therapy is if all they do is make you cry everytime. we hypnotherapists are used to clients crying with an abreaction but that is usually just the once and problem solved, not every visit.

Yes crying EVERY time is draining. Sometimes tears are needed to discharge some negative energy and is cathartic. Counselling should be a mixture of helping you move forward with encouraging words and support but also there will be times of discomfort but a good therapist will give the support you need to get thro it and certainly not belittle you for feeling what is real to you at that time.

A 'tough love' approach can be counter productive as it can be seen as not supportive, even if the words and intentions are accurate. If someone feels lost, unsupported and a further feeling of failure because they are not following the advice and feel stupid for feeling that way. Rationally, they know the counsellor is right but they are not in a state to be able to do it. They probably thought about the same solutions before the counsellor but it doesn't mean they can carry it out.

I found this with cognitive therapy. It is based on rational thinking and logic which most people can work out for themselves but are unable to carry out. I felt it made me feel silly for thinking what I thought but I had evidence of my beliefs and my other counselling didn't make me feel silly.

It does help to challenge the times when you expect bad things to happen but it does take a lot of time and for more things to go right than wrong. If a certain horrible bad situation happens every three times and one time is OK, then you are still going to expect the worst.

I had counselling that allowed you to express your 'stupidist' feelings and discharge anger and tears (again, not encouraging a person to do it every time) about it but also felt supportive, so after the 'outburst' I found it easier to be more rational.

Stephb1986_2

CCStar wrote: »

(((Big hugs)))

Did this just come out of the blue or have things been wrong for a while?

In my humble opinion, no relationship is better than a bad one. Today is the first day for YOU - to move forward. He doesn't need to figure in your day again, you don't have to put up with his faults. YOU can please YOU!!

It isn't nice suddenly being without a person but go with the feeling - pamper yourself, cry if you need to, then one day, you will be able to move forward.

I had a bad relationship when I was younger and put off finishing it for months. I still had feelings for him but the relationship wasn't good for me. So we mutually agreed to finish and I had a really bad month, then I met someone else and had a happy feeling with the new guy I have never had with the one before.

We are all here to listen and if you want to hear a human, then ring the Samaritans or see your doctor, simply to express how you feel and these feelings are perfectly normal.

Things have been brilliant for ages. Then on friday things just changed he said something not nice and i said i didnt think i was IN love with him anymore and thats what this is all about. I hate myself so much I didn't mean it.

This was the longest relationship i've been in and was pretty sure he was the one.

Steph xx

Sazbo

CCStar wrote: »

Yes crying EVERY time is draining. Sometimes tears are needed to discharge some negative energy and is cathartic. Counselling should be a mixture of helping you move forward with encouraging words and support but also there will be times of discomfort but a good therapist will give the support you need to get thro it and certainly not belittle you for feeling what is real to you at that time.

A 'tough love' approach can be counter productive as it can be seen as not supportive, even if the words and intentions are accurate. If someone feels lost, unsupported and a further feeling of failure because they are not following the advice and feel stupid for feeling that way. Rationally, they know the counsellor is right but they are not in a state to be able to do it. They probably thought about the same solutions before the counsellor but it doesn't mean they can carry it out.

I found this with cognitive therapy. It is based on rational thinking and logic which most people can work out for themselves but are unable to carry out. I felt it made me feel silly for thinking what I thought but I had evidence of my beliefs and my other counselling didn't make me feel silly.

It does help to challenge the times when you expect bad things to happen but it does take a lot of time and for more things to go right than wrong. If a certain horrible bad situation happens every three times and one time is OK, then you are still going to expect the worst.

I had counselling that allowed you to express your 'stupidist' feelings and discharge anger and tears (again, not encouraging a person to do it every time) about it but also felt supportive, so after the 'outburst' I found it easier to be more rational.

I totally agree with you, CC. My mind is so woolley at the mo, you've articulated that far better than I ever could have xx

I think some schools of therapy like to adopt the 'input/output' computer analogy when it comes to explaining the workings of the human mind - "change the input and you'll change the output". It just strikes me as a bit glib. It is simplistic to an almost dangerous extent. But that's just my opinion.

Good therapy is not a quick fix like fixing a bug in software. Again that's just my opinion. It's been the hardest thing i've ever had to do, tbh. But then again, it's about revisiting things that are painful to us. I guess I tend to feel that because I still get upset during sessions that this must mean I've not progressed. But when I look back to a year ago, I can see with retrospect that I have in fact come a very long way.

As AB says, therapy works at the subconscious level, so the effects may not always be visible to us, or accessible to our conscious mind - but that doesn't necessairly mean it isn't working. Or that it has no "use". I was really dismayed and upset by the attitude of Shaz's counsellor :mad: Shaz is a wonderful person who deserves far, far better. As you say CC, counselling should be a supportive space - somewhere you can revisit painful feelings in a safe way; in a way that allows you to feel grief, anger, etc and then, with time, move on from it. It is not about lip-service or glib solutions.

Lol CC - I should have just left it at your excellent explanation and not subjected the lovely people here to my waffling and muddled reply!:rolleyes:

Maybe different things suit different people. What's wrong with a pluralist approach? We are well used here to people appearing on this thread with well-meant, one-size-fits-all 'cures' for depression. "If only you all do 'X' or 'Y', you'll beat depression." etc. If only! I wouldn't dare presume that what's worked for me would work for everyone. I want everyone to beat this terrible condition, but by whatever method works - by fair means, or foul! :T

Anyway I'll shut up now! Sorry for the ramble everyone.:o

Much love to you all,
Sazzy xxxxxxxx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope all is well,I am fine today went to mums for lunch today instead of Thursdays and I had a nice lunch.Sorry to hear your news Steph *hugs* We all love and support you on here If you are in despair though ring the Samaritans or e-mail them and what you say is confidential,dont feel alone,they were a great help to me once when I felt bad in my life but they made me see life is worth living as I used to say my life isnt worth living anymore but it is and for the better


love and light,

Katie xxx