Depression Support Thread

goodlife

Hello to all

I haven't posted in ages. I'm very good at lurking but very bad at posting - sorry.

Well just when I thought things were getting better and I was improving things have taken an interesting turn. My husband has just left me.

I don't think he can cope with my illness (to be honest he always acted as though I was on holiday not off sick). Well this afternoon he lost his rag with me (again) and started screaming and swearing and shouting at me. He then said I was the most miserable !!!!! he had ever met. Then he took an unopened 2 litre bottle of diet coke and threw it across the kitchen at me. It missed, bounced off the door, split down the side and richoched into the lounge where it landed on the dining table and performed a most spectacular firework/explosion type display. I know have damaged door, carpet, curtains, table, chairs and ceiling. Hurrah!

Happy days!!!

goodlife xx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

welcome Goodlife to the thread,post as little or as much as you like My name is Katie I have a cold and virus today and not feeling 100%.

I have been sleeping in bed all day,strange that I managed to go out to a restaurant and have a latte,then come back in flat and feel ill,it just hit me just like that without warning.My parents came over to see me but didnt stay long because all I wanted to do was sleep,sleep,sleep.Mum got me some milk so that I dont run out.

Have a nice evening

*hugs* to those that need one


love and light,

Katie xxx

geminilady

goodlife wrote: »

Hello to all

I haven't posted in ages. I'm very good at lurking but very bad at posting - sorry.

Well just when I thought things were getting better and I was improving things have taken an interesting turn. My husband has just left me.

I don't think he can cope with my illness (to be honest he always acted as though I was on holiday not off sick). Well this afternoon he lost his rag with me (again) and started screaming and swearing and shouting at me. He then said I was the most miserable !!!!! he had ever met. Then he took an unopened 2 litre bottle of diet coke and threw it across the kitchen at me. It missed, bounced off the door, split down the side and richoched into the lounge where it landed on the dining table and performed a most spectacular firework/explosion type display. I know have damaged door, carpet, curtains, table, chairs and ceiling. Hurrah!

Happy days!!!

goodlife xx

Hi goodlife:hello: Has your husband definitely left or just gone off in a temper? maybe to cool off.There is no excuse for losing his temper,he may find depression hard to understand but the answer is not to behave like a toddler and throw things about.

goodlife

Hi,

I'm not really sure if he thinks he's gone for good (IYKWIM). He maybe thinks that he can crawl back but to be honest this isn't the first time something like this has happened (last time was only Monday) so I feel in my head like he has to be gone for good.

Also I told my daughter when I picked her up from dancing (I had to tell her because of the coke explosion state of the house) and she said that she was quite glad he had gone as he had been driving her mad. She said she thought she would have been upset but she wasn't (which is how I feel TBH).

Determined to stay extra strong and brave but think I am in for a rough ride. I am probably still a bit in shock.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
I hope we's all well? Sorry I haven't even glanced at the site today, peeps.

Much Love,
Tiff xxx

alba37

Evening everyone,

Just waiting on x factor starting!

Welcome Goodlife. I'm so sorry to read what's been happening to you today. Please try to stay strong, and think about what's best for you. An unsupportive OH who walks out when things don't suit him may not be very helpful for you. You need to weigh up the good against the bad. Atleast your daughter isn't upset with him walking out, which is a blessing, and makes it slightly easier for you.

Take care and feel free to post if and when you want.

A x

goodlife

Thanks to everyone who's responded so far. I am trying really hard to stay strong. I'm watching X factor and dd is happy upstairs 'MSN'ing her friends! so I have decided that I am going to enjoy the weekend and start unravelling the mess on monday morning. Although it is half term hols so I won't push myself too much!

alba37

goodlife wrote: »

Thanks to everyone who's responded so far. I am trying really hard to stay strong. I'm watching X factor and dd is happy upstairs 'MSN'ing her friends! so I have decided that I am going to enjoy the weekend and start unravelling the mess on monday morning. Although it is half term hols so I won't push myself too much!

Sounds like a great idea! You stick in there, stay strong, and enjoy X factor.

A x

Tiff_2

Hi diamond!
Tiffy Mega-Post Warning!!!
Apologies to you and everyone else in advance for the length of my post.

I was very sad to read your posts angel, and I hope that you'll get to read this and the posts from your other friends here and reconsider your decision to leave. Please don't let anything ever stop you from posting here, hunnie. You've been here a long time and you would be muchly missed.

Firstly hunnie, I apologise if I've neglected you. There was a time when the Tiffster would reply to nearly everyone's post but due to personal reasons, I've had to slow down for a while. I do feel like I've let you - and others - down recently by posting minimal replies that haven't been at my usual level of tiffing. I really do care about what you're all going through and I promise to try harder for you all.
I had actually had your last posts marked for a reply hun and I must say that I noticed the change in your font size and ink colours when posting - and I thought maybe that was a clue that you were shouting out for support? Maybe I read too much into that.
Please believe that I, and everyone else here, do care about you and want to help sweetheart. I hope none of this sounds patronising to you, or anyone else, diamond - that's not my intention. And so to your recent posts, hun ...

diamond wrote:

Hi Guys,Hope all is well and good with everyone. Ive wanted to post for ages but i dont feel comfortable anymore on here. Before I could post when I was having a bad day, I could let out how I was feeling, I would also post on good days, and try and help other ppl when they were having a bad time. Ive not been the same since I got back off my holiday. Maybe I got it wrong with this thread. I thought it was ok to come and post what your feeling. It has done me wonders in the past when Ive been low. Now Im at my lowest and cant even post any more. maybe another thread should be started where ppl can post positive thoughts like someone had said on here. I took that comment personally. Am I the only one that suffers with this S@@@ illness? I feel Im the only person in the world and no one understands me when I have tried to explain how im feeling and why Im feeling like that. I have tried sooo dam hard to help myself but what ppl dont understand is when things happen in your life that is not good, it makes you worse. I feel im cracking under pressure and I cant hold things together. The docor cant help coz the events in my life are currently ongoing. The stuff going on is impossible to change or do anything about it. Despair is a horrible thing,

The first thing I'm going to say is that you didn't get it
wrong about this thread, diamond. It still does what it always did.;)

We have to allow for people who suddenly stop posting by bearing in mind that the people might be feeling better, or might not feel they can post because they're going through a crisis themselves, or because Life has sent them on various missions. It does seem harder at times to post sometimes I think, because we've had a lot of new thread homes in a short space of time and maybe the continuity is important to how this thread works.

Also, as you probably know, the thread tends to get quiet through the summer months every year and starting about now, people come flooding back - and they are more than welcome to do so!

You should feel comfortable to post here on good days and bad days. Believe me, I know that the worst feeling in the world is to feel completely isolated with a mental health issue. But hunnie, in my humble opinion, that's exactly why you should be posting! I'm sure there is nothing personal against you angel, and I've replied to you before to try and help and I will continue to do so. I don't doubt for a minute that you've tried hard to work towards recovery, angel. I know you have.

For every time you feel someone might be judging you angel, I want you to remember that there's a hundred here who don't! We're here whenever you want to post hun. And if I were you, I'd try and feel sorry for those who seem to judge others, because they are often in a sadder state than those they criticize by using their own personal little miracle books of philosophy.

What I hear in this first post, is that you are really struggling and not getting enough support. I feel that at times like this, it's similar to when an animal, (not that you're an animal in any way!), is in great pain - they yelp and howl and feel scared, angry and helpless and can lash out. They don't know where to turn, or how to stop the pain. Did I explain that properly?

The feelings you describe angel seem, imho, a combination of being under extreme stress with whatever's going on for you and your anguish with your mental health issues. You seem to be feeling so vulnerable and scared, angel. No matter what you believe hun, you can't know what new plans might be there to help you, until you return to the drs. Your dr is there to listen to you hun - whatever the problem might be! They would want you to go and see them.
From your post, you seem to want to go the dr, but feel they'll be negative about it. That's probably a part of what you're going through, sweetie. If you can, see if you can book a double appointment with the gp so you won't feel so rushed and under pressure? Would a friend/family member go with you, even if it was just to be there for you when you came out? You've described how you're feeling so well, diamond - why not try one of my old favourite tips and print off your last few posts for the dr to read?
It's so important that you do talk to the professionals, angel. Many of us have relapses/problems which can affect us to varying degrees, so you're not alone there, hun. There's nothing wrong with needing help again. You have to keep giving the professionals a chance to help you hunnie, you keep going back until something works for you - you deserve it!

I know you probably won't agree with me diamond hun, but there are very few things in this world that are impossible to change or to resolve. Sometimes we need the help of someone from the outside to help us look at things objectively and to help us make a plan to access help to change things. Everything feels hopeless and impossible and overwhelming when it's all hitting you at once, especially if you're feeling poorly.
Having even a simple plan and routine will make you feel safer and can give you back the feeling of being in control, hun. The most important thing now is going back to basics and looking after yourself (baths, meals, sleep, etc.) - having that routine as a constant in a crisis helps you and you can build on it from there, one step at a time. Not looking after yourself in these ways will make you feel much worse, sweetheart and lack of food, drink and sleep can play havoc with your body chemistry.

If you break it all down into separate pieces hunnie, it will feel a bit easier to manage and your professionals can help you to do that and to find some options for you and support you.

You most certainly echo feelings and emotions that many of us here have felt hunnie. Please believe that you aren't alone and that you're not the only one feeling the way you do. I hope it will comfort you to know that most of us, if not all of us, have felt this way and we can understand how you feel.

diamond wrote:

Thanks hun....I understand what you mean. It wouldnt be so bad if ppl wouldnt judge others like that. I use to come on here with trust knowing no one would judge or critisize me, I know most my posts are depressing but I have tried. Honestly so much has been happening, like you as well but ive tried to pretend and make things look like they are ok when in fact they are not. Wjat gets me angry is when ppl say its our fault. Its impossible for my life to be good at the moment with what is going on. Im not saying on here where as before I would of and my friends on here would of been able to help me and give me advise coz from each and every person we have gone thorugh one thing that is the same or similar so each and everyone of you understands at least one of the probelms we go through. Its just so horrible to be judged like that, not knowing ones cirumstances and to come on here when they have never contributed to make such judgements like that. There are many regulars that dont post anymore, maybe they are going thorugh a bad time, maybe a good time but it makes you wonder why ppl dont feel comfortable anymore. I am very very grateful for this thread and would of been lost without it but i dont feel the same anymore about posting on here, i know anyone can read our posts and many ppl do but im not going to change my mind. I will pop in now and then and try catch up and see how everyones doing but thats it. Anni, i will catch up with you on msn hun, soon I promise.Hugs xx

Trust is an important part of this thread hunnie. I don't care how many of your posts are depressing - that's what this thread is for! You've been posting in pain about how you're feeling but you're not saying what situations are, (completely your right not to do so here.), that are causing you such stress. Pretending you're okay when you're not, makes things worse for you angel. I don't doubt that your circumstances are really worrying you, whatever they are, but it is not impossible for your life to regain its value, hunnie.
I think you know deep down that, sooner or later, you will have to go back to the dr, hun. I'm no professional sweetheart but I think sooner is the better option. Once you make that decision, you will no longer feel quite so alone and lost. You've done a lot of giving on our thread, diamond, helping others and sending love and hugs to many. Maybe it's time to accept some support in return.

I don't have all the answers for you, hunnie but we can support you while they're being found. But only you can take that first step and make that call to your dr, angel - and we'll be right behind you.
Be kind to yourself sweetheart.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

beachbeth

For every time you feel someone might be judging you angel, I want you to remember that there's a hundred here who don't! We're here whenever you want to post hun. And if I were you, I'd try and feel sorry for those who seem to judge others, because they are often in a sadder state than those they criticize

I agree with you, Tiff. You have written some wise words here and I really, really wish the internet and this website and this thread had been around in 1994 when I first came crashing down with this awful affliction/illness. At the time I had a complete breakdown, thought I was going mad and also thought I was the only person in the world suffering in that way. Absolutely nobody that I knew understood one little bit and some were sympathetic and some were scornful that I didn't just cheer up or pull myself together - after all, I had a husband and 2 lovely daughters. What on earth did I have to be depressed about?:rolleyes:

I wish I knew what the answer was but I don't. One thing I do know is that places like this where you can come when you're feeling low make a lot of difference. I personally will ignore people who seem judgemental or will disagree with them without starting any sort of argument. Ive said before that its usually easy to tell people who haven't suffered with depression themselves and have only observed it in other people because every now and then they will make a remark that really shows that they have no idea what its like.

Carry on posting here and just take note of the people you know have your best interests at heart and listen to them. Judgemental or unsympathetic people don't matter. If they don't understand then thats not your problem. I hate this s**t illness and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Im just glad Im not alone in this and if Im having a bad day I can come here and share in the hope that someone understands. Equally, if Im having a good day I can come on here and hopefully help someone else and make them feel as though they aren't alone in this. I think that is what this thread is about - everybody helping each other, not in a critical or judgemental way.