Depression Support Thread

Horasio

I do wonder how much depression can be triggered by the people in your life.

I can feel happy but if the people around you seem hell bent on bringing you down, then it can get you down, especially if you feel ill with a cold or flu.

I always feel much happier and healthier when I work and/or live with positive, co-operative people.

Lately I have had to deal with horrible people and had a cold on top. I can get quite low when it seems like everything is against me.

I didn't sleep well last night either so it all seems worse today

Horasio

feelinggood wrote: »

I think there is a difference between laypeople and medical professionals. I don't doubt the male midwives advice, and they've obviously never had babies! If you are professionally trained and have experience in treating something, then that is different. Has to be a 'real' qualification though, and we all have different ideas about them!

I don't think its best to listen to someone who isn't depressed. I think its best to listen to someone who has been depressed and has got out of it. I don't listen to 'normies' or active alcoholics, I listen to recovering alcoholics who've been where I've been, have felt what I've felt and have done what I have to do to recover.

Very good post.

beachbeth

feelinggood wrote: »

I think there is a difference between laypeople and medical professionals. I don't doubt the male midwives advice, and they've obviously never had babies! If you are professionally trained and have experience in treating something, then that is different. Has to be a 'real' qualification though, and we all have different ideas about them!

I agree totally, FG. I think professionals or people who have experience of depression are the only ones who can advise. Other people not in those categories can make suggestions such as: "perhaps you can.....?" or "would it work if you.....?" but they can't say "You should do this, that or the other."

I can always tell someone with no experience of depression when they take the "pull yourself together" attitude. I had a meeting with a psychiatrist once who said "Its no good people telling you to pull yourself together. Its impossible. You have depression. If you could pull yourself together you would. This is why you have come to see me". I had been so sick and tired of telling people that I couldn't just "cheer up" that it was a relief to hear a professional say this.

Its like telling someone with a spider phobia "Look, it wont hurt you. Its more afraid of you than you are of it." and then expecting them to say "Ok, I'll pick it up then" - This just wouldn't happen - you can't always help what goes on inside your head.

beachbeth

CCStar wrote: »

I do wonder how much depression can be triggered by the people in your life.

I don't think you quite meant this in this way but my OH has a theory that depression is caused by whoever brought you up, whether it was 2 parents or someone else. I can honestly say I agree. Although I love my mum to bits she is a very difficult person and hard to please. She was never a very huggy person and I think I needed the hugs and affection when I grew up. I have always hugged my daughters a lot and given positive encouragement as this is what I never had. My mum only seems to be able to point out the negative and not what I have done right.

When I was at my lowest with depression I used to shake and cry in a panic at just leaving the house to go to the local shop. If I managed to make it to the shop I used to pray that I didn't meet anyone I knew because I was in no fit state to make conversation. I also used to pray that the person serving me would be nice because I just couldn't take anyone being horrible, even unintentionally - this is the sort of thing depression does to you and you can't help it.

Horasio

beachbeth wrote: »

I don't think you quite meant this in this way but my OH has a theory that depression is caused by whoever brought you up, whether it was 2 parents or someone else. I can honestly say I agree. Although I love my mum to bits she is a very difficult person and hard to please. She was never a very huggy person and I think I needed the hugs and affection when I grew up. I have always hugged my daughters a lot and given positive encouragement as this is what I never had. My mum only seems to be able to point out the negative and not what I have done right.

When I was at my lowest with depression I used to shake and cry in a panic at just leaving the house to go to the local shop. If I managed to make it to the shop I used to pray that I didn't meet anyone I knew because I was in no fit state to make conversation. I also used to pray that the person serving me would be nice because I just couldn't take anyone being horrible, even unintentionally - this is the sort of thing depression does to you and you can't help it.

I get days like that and it is what I mean, be it parents, friends or partners.

My mother is very critical but has days where she is a real sweetie. Trouble is you can't predict, so visiting her is a minefield. My dad was and step dad is very constant.

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

I agree totally, FG. I think professionals or people who have experience of depression are the only ones who can advise.

Phew, good job I did my training isnt it

Other people not in those categories can make suggestions such as: "perhaps you can.....?" or "would it work if you.....?" but they can't say "You should do this, that or the other."

Other peoples suggestions can be useful if they are where you want to be

I can always tell someone with no experience of depression when they take the "pull yourself together" attitude. I had a meeting with a psychiatrist once who said "Its no good people telling you to pull yourself together. Its impossible. You have depression. If you could pull yourself together you would. This is why you have come to see me". I had been so sick and tired of telling people that I couldn't just "cheer up" that it was a relief to hear a professional say this.

Its like telling someone with a spider phobia "Look, it wont hurt you. Its more afraid of you than you are of it." and then expecting them to say "Ok, I'll pick it up then" - This just wouldn't happen - you can't always help what goes on inside your head.

Just telling someone with depression to pull them selves together would not work, Not because it was impossible but because the depression wont let you. Depression is actually a defense mechanism and until whatever it is defending you from goes away, it wont let you pull yourself together. In simple terms the pain of depression is not as bad as the pain of whatever you would be exposed to if you werent depressed. And yes CCstar is right in that people can be the cause of depression.
Phobias are not the best example as these can in many cases be got rid of in a few minutes but ~I understand what you are saying.
Back to experience of something, Alan Sugar or Richard Branson have not been trained in business but we can learn a hell of a lot from them. This is in effect what NLP does. It teaches you to copy the traits you want.

LadyMorticia

Afternoon. :wave:
I almost wrote evening....haha.

Just texting Sam.

Tidied up, put washing on, and sorted clothes out for charity. It's been a productive day so far.

xx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope all is well,I am fine,went for a walk with my parents this morning to clear my head after not getting my James Bond 21 dvd collection boxset for £9.99 after all.

I am going to have a nice evening tonight watching tv

*hugs* to those that need one


love and light,

Katie xxx

Jo_R_2

Just wanted to add, I have read a few times about the theory of depression being you 'mourning' things that have happened in your life. Almost like a grieving process. I think there may be certain elements of that theory that are true; whether it holds up as a complete explanation I'm not sure.

Just wanted to say thanks to all who commented on my musings (lol!:D) about my other half yesterday. Some of the comments I read yesterday, some today. He said to me on Sunday, if he went out Sunday evening then he'd stay in all week. Then yesterday his best mate texted him asking him if he was coing to watch the England match... To be fair, OH has been quite good humoured about it, keeps making jokes about it but has shown no intention of not keeping to his word.

To be honest, I'm not terribly bothered about if he'd like to go out tonight or not - in a perverse way I'm not saying anything more because I'm curious to see if he keeps to his word!

Got to type and run as got to go and pick up DD1 from school in a little while and DD2 has just ripped open loads of tea bags across the kitchen floor - this is in addition to both DDs spreading a massive box of frostie-type flakes across the living room rug whilst I was getting ready this morning :rolleyes: I surprised myself and was very zen about the whole thing:cool:

beachbeth

CCStar wrote: »

My mother is very critical but has days where she is a real sweetie. Trouble is you can't predict, so visiting her is a minefield. My dad was and step dad is very constant.

This is the same for me. My mum is unpredictable and my dad is always the same. You never knew from one day to the next whether she was going to be Jeckyll (SP?) or Hyde. So far everyone I have asked who suffers with depression has a similar experience with a parent or guardian and so it makes me wonder if this is the root cause.

AB, I know phobias are completely different but I was just using this as an example to illustrate that you can't just change someone's thinking just like that. People who don't understand depression will understand a phobia and this is why I used the comparison.

You said that just telling someone with depression to pull themselves together would not work (and it certainly doesn't!!!) and yet that is what you more or less implied in your post to CCStar. I don't want to get involved in an argument but I have to say that the particular post took me aback somewhat as being very unsympathetic and not very understanding of how she feels.

absolutebounder wrote:

You might find things a little better if you calmed down and gave people a little time and understanding.

Its very hard to "calm down" and to give people anything when you are suffering with depression. Its hard enough just keeping it together at all let alone try to see things from other people's point of view!