ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Staying put sounds like a wise idea. Is the mortgage in your name only? I do hope so. Make sure you get onto the council and let them know you rnew situation. You may be eligible for discount on council tax etc. best to get all the benefits you can at the moment. This might come in handy if OH tries to come back too, you can tell him you would lose your benefits if he moves back in.

If he sees that you are more than capable of coping without him he might realise that you mean business this time. He probably thinks that once you've calmed down and he plays the part for a month you'll let him back again. Make sure you dont. This is a new year and one that will bring big changes for you. Be strong and keep to your plan. Things might get worse before they get better but they will get better.

I'm not saying he wont change, I hope he does, but you need to think about you for now. Dont imagine what it would be like if he changes because its not a certainty.
If you are borrowing from your sister can you offer to do some jobs for her until you can pay her back? If she's not seeing any repayments as yet it might be a nice gesture.. babysitting, ironing etc.

I really feel for you TB. Reading your story makes me grateful in some sick way that i only ever really hurt myself. It sickens me to think that had i had a partner and child i might have done this to them. I'm glad that i have it under control and hope that if i do ever meet "the one" i can be honest and open enough to tell them my problem and make sure all blocks are still kept in place for me.

I guess in a way you are helping me to stay off even if you dont realise it. Thank you.

TMoose

Hi All

I don't have time just now to post my (no doubt familiar) story... but I just want to express my support and say that I've been clean since Xmas Eve... 16 days!

Moose

cantcope

Well done Moose and welcome to the boards.
I hope you get some strength from the stories on here of those who have been off for a bit of time.

Verbatim

Hi TB,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now.

On the banking front if you have a joint account(which I guess you have as money is leaving it which you haven't taken) it can be quite hard to close unless both parties agree. I'm concerned that your OH could continue to take out money, perhaps run up a large overdraft which you would then be asked tp repay by the bank. They would be within their rights as both parties are "jointly and severally liable" and they will go after whoever will give them their money back most reliably,quickly and easily. I' m guessing that won't be him.

To close a joint account without the other party's consent I think (not sure) you may have to "disassociate" yourself from him by putting a note to this effect on your credit files at Experian etc. Might be an idea to check this out though, and at least check with your bank.

TotallyBroke

No Verbatim it's not a joint account. It's my bank account in my name. He knows my card number and security code. So I have to change the card again. But that's hassle because I have to draw out cash to cover myself until the new card arrives. But leave enough in the account to cover bills etc.

Why do gambling sites make it so easy to gamble with other people's money? All you need is their name, dob, mother's maiden name, and debit card details and you're away. Happy f***ing gambling (I'm sorry I'm so angry this morning)
And how many OH's do not know that information.

If I want to order online with Tesco I have to create an account, then do my shopping and then pay using my card details. But then I have to enter my "verified by visa" account and password. This is probably the only password he doesn't know!!!!! And gambling sites don't ask for it.

I'm at work at the moment trying to earn as much money as I can. EX OH is at my house with lo and he has told me he can only give me £100 this month. So that's my maintenance for lo. Not forgetting he has already gambled £179 from the account. It costs £125 per week for the childminder so basically this month I am well and truly shafted.

I can't afford to put gamblock on the computer. But last night I did go into control panel and password protect the log in. So now you have to log in with a password. I also disabled the guest account so you can only log in as me.

cantcope I hate asking my sister and unfortuately she doesn't have kids or anything so it's hard to do odd jobs for her. As you can see from my signature I owe family £2800 well that is all my sister and it's almost all down to his gambling. She's been really good and said she's not bothered about it. But I am and I feel like the little boy that cried wolf. I've been borrowing so often due to EX OH gambling that I'm scared if I had a real emergency she'd say No.

My credit rating is shot to pieces I have the lowest possible score of about 300-400 so I'm not even sure I'll get that bank account with £100 bonus. But I suppose there is no harm in trying.

Well I better actually calm myself down and get on with some work.

Thanks to you all.

cantcope

There's nothing wrong with feeling angry TB. You have every right to be.
I think i'd seriously be considering going to the police now as your EX OH is stealing from you. Let him realise you will NOT tolerate this and that he is in fact stealing. Whether he pays you back or not is not relevant. He has taken your money without your consent.

Glad you've put some passwords on your pC, especially as he is there while you aren't.

Thinking of you xx

TotallyBroke

Well I can't get the A&L bank account as I have a CCJ so no bonus for me.
Still I can't complain it's my own fault I have the CCJ. Roll on the day it falls of my record almost halfway there.

I don't want the police involved it would just cause me no end of hassle. His family would never talk to me again. He would probably try and take DS away from me again. I also do not want Social Services involved. They seem to get involved everytime the police are called.
The only thing I can do is go into Barclays and ask them to give me another card.
Atleast with EX OH not living with me it can be safe from him.

For today I will not dwell or worry about things I cannot control.
For today I will smile every hour on the hour.

Thanks to you all

Ames

TB I agree about the gambling sites. OH set up an account with my bank details, and when I emailed them to report it as fraud they said they couldn't do anything as I wasn't emailing with the email address used to set up the account. Obviously he'd been clever enough to use his email address...

As for the police, they'd probably say the same to you as they did to me, that there's been no crime committed. Apparently because I'd been housebound and trusted him with my pin to buy food for me that was giving him carte blanche to use my account, he emptied it the week my student loan went in.

I know it's a pain, but get your card charged asap.

cantcope

Hi TB & Ames, this sucks that the police think its ok?!!!!

TB, does his family know what he's putting you both through? maybe its time to tell them if they dont already know and tell them how much he has stolen from you. Surely they can't think this is ok?

riquelme

TB - there is apparantly free software you can download to block gambling sites, its called new life, havent tried it myself or read anything about it,
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it may be worth checking out,

best wishes
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