ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Great news copperjar. Glad you are feeling more positive today.
well done on the spreadsheet i find it really helps each month. i also made a graph when i was paying off my debt and was satisfying seeing the mountain go down each month.

make sure you keep busy tomorrow. how about a full spring clean ready for the new year? clear out the dregs from your wardrobe and take a trip to the charity shop?

took me a while to find things to do but rediscovered my love of baking cakes, seeing friends, writing letters to faraway friends rather than email. a letter means so much more to someone.

have a great time tomorrow night, i feel a bubble bath, face pack and painted toes coming on for me before i hit the town to paint it red

copperjar

Yes, I'm really pleased that I'm facing up to it all. Have a long way to go obviously, but just felt a sense of calm (rather than panic!) today that I'm going to be in control of my finances for once and not hoping for a lucky break through gambling. I read through the whole thread again last night and realised that you're right - even if I won £1000 tomorrow, I'd still want more and would lose it chasing after the extra. Even if I won enough to clear my debts I'd inevitably decide to keep going so I could buy something nice...and would lose it again. Thanks to everyone sharing their experiences on here I've relised that my feelings aren't any different to anyone else, I'm not in control and I do have a problem. I realise its early days (well, day one to be precise!) and I will go through very difficult times - but tody I feel happy and finally in control.

Have decided I'll have a big spring clean tomorrow and see if there's anything lurking in the back of my cupboards to sell on ebay and also declutter the house. I ate my tea downstairs tonight instead of by the computer and have caught up with some friends on the phone rather than pretend I'm out when they call (because I'm so fixated on being on the PC).

I know I keep saying it, but I really can't thank you enough.

copperjar

My second no bet day - feeling optimistic and hopeful for what's round the corner in 2009

cantcope

well done copperjar 2 days is great. think of it as "saving" £250 !!!

Happy new year to you and everyone else on the boards xxx

softngentle

Hi, I wrote a really long post the other day and when I came to submit it lost it completely, just my luck I guess ::mad:


I am female, 30 and been addicted to gambling for a couple of years, during that time I have lost approx £45k which has resulted in me now being on a DMP, with debts of around £18k. During this time I have truly recognised that I have a problem, been to the docs and was prescribed antidepressants and have received some counselling. I did try GA but found it wasn’t for me. What’s clear tho is that I’m just not trying hard enough to overcome this addiction as every month at best I pay my bills and then gamble whats left, or like this month I have gambled money set aside for bills and now am in a position where I don’t have enough to pay my DMP this month.

I just can’t seem to find the strength to put gamblock on my pc, and am still trying to chase the money I lost. But yet again I’ve blown a huge amount of money this month, leaving me stressed about how I can survive the month and look at ways I can scrape some money together for the DMP. I’m worried if I carry on gambling much longer that I’ll do something stupid. I know it sounds absolutely crazy but I get so frustrated when I’m gambling that I pinch myself really hard which has left some quite big bruises, and clench my teeth so hard that I think they’ll shatter.

I have read all posts in this thread and know that it is only MY actions that will combat this disease. I just can’t imagine a life without gambling, even tho it is destroying mine.

Thanks for listening, just needed to put it into words.

TotallyBroke

Oh softngentle what a horrible position to be in.
I'm not sure I can advise really. But felt I needed to post.
If it was someone else harming you would you accept it.
How many times did you go to GA? Did you try another one in your area. Because they are run by volunteers sometimes a different meeting can make you feel more at ease.

cantcope

Hi Softngentle. TB is right. all meeting are quite different. I've attended 3 different ones in my area, I have my regular meeting but go to the other 2 now again just to hear different people speak.

Slef harming can be quite common among female gamblers. I struggled tokeep food down as i felt so guilty about eating that i started forcing myself to be sick everytime i ate. It was the one thing i felt i could control in my life. I'm happy to say i dont do this anymore and it quickly disappeared once i'd stopped gambling.

If GA isnt for you try an online chat group such as gamcare. x
good luck

GeorgeUK

SNG, it may be that you are reying to look at the big scary picture of never gambling again and not seeing how you can achieve that. You don't need to tackle the whole thing. Just go one day at a time, then if something happens that gives you the urge or you see something that makes you want to gamble, force yourself to take control of that urge and put it aside for a while. With me it was lots of little triggers that set me off. If you can see them coming it is easier to cope with. Just one day at a time rather than for the rest of your life.

PS - Hope that DMP is with one of the free debt charities rather than a fee paying company.

copperjar

Hi softngentle. Thanks for sharing your story - I'm sorry you find yourself in such a horrible position. Your story is very much like mine...I actually looked back on all the loans, remortgages and spending I've had over the past 5 years and my gambling debt is much worse than I first thought and posted at the top of this page. Like you, I was putting aside any "spare" cash to gamble with - mainly in the futile hope that I would be able to win back the debts I'd created. But if I could do that (I've realised), then I wouldn't have been in debt to start with.

No doubt you'll have had some big wins and you're now chasing to get another - becuase of course last time you didn't withdraw your winnings, you re-bet them, lost and had to deposit more. This time you'll be more sensible right? Will win and withdraw, and rather than looking at 10+ years to repay your debt will be able to do it in months. But this won't happen. If you win, you'll increase your stake and lose again. I know because that's what I do.

I understand you feeling like you can't imagine life without gambling. I'm having a little wobble again today - am short this month and if I could just make £300 then I'll be okay. But I'm telling myself to win that £300, I'll probably deposit at least £100 - and on past experience, the odds aren't good - so chances are I'll lose the £100 then need £400 to get through the month.

I know you know this and what I'm saying isn't anything you haven't already told yourself. I just don't know what advice I can give. What scares you about not gambling again in the future? Is it the hope will be gone that you can have a win? Boredom? Stress and wanting to make good past mistakes? The only way you can control how to put right mistakes is by taking charge yourself and not relying on luck and good fortune. I've only just realised this myself - I wish you all the very best in beating this thing, however you decide to do it. Please come back and talk to us - there's some amazing people on this thread that have really helped me this past week. Read through all the posts again and you'll see that we all thought we could make things right by continuing gambling - and the consistent message is that nobody did. We all just got into more trouble.

There are GA support boards on the web if you don't want to physically attend a meeting.

cantcope

Hi Copperjar. Try to keep busy today. we all have wobbles now and again, its how we deal with them. Glad to see you came on here and posted.
Just for today we will not gamble xx