ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Try not to think too much about what might have beens. it will drive you crazy and could tempt you to "win" some back.

I've thought many times about what if... i'd have a mortgage free flat now and not have to work 40 hours a week just to cover my bills. I've learnt to look to the future. This took a long time though so dont be too hard on yourself.

short overview of me:
sold flat and made a massive profit, rented house, bought a laptop and put money into high interest accounts.
discovered online gambling. (within 14 months i had lost all of my money and racked up 20k of debt)
cracked in may 06, admitted to parents what i'd done, stopped gambling.

got complacent in oct 06 and blew 2k at work online. owned up and started the road to recovery again.

fast forward to today. i've been gamble free for over 2 years. I bought myself a small flat in April and other than my mortgage i am debt free.

It can be done, it's really hard work. but believe me its so worth it. There are many things along the way sent to test you. this year alone i've been made redundant twice, been diagnosed with a chronic illness and struglled to find decent work.

be strong and you will eventually see things clearer. Write a list of things you want to acheive by the end of this week and try to stick to it.
Try just not gambling one day at a time, it's easier to do it like that rather than think of never gambling again straight away.

if you are in debt, scour the house for things you can sell on ebay, do some bootsales. make sure you have a treat once a week. nothing flashy. a bubble bath and a face pack did wonders for me and gave me time to reflect on how well i was doing rather than how stupid i'd been.

one more thing. give yourself a big bear hug, wrap your arms around yourself and be proud you've faced up to it xxxx

copperjar

Thank you again. Got a bit emotional reading your last post. Its good to finally be able to talk about it and I hope one day I'll be able to say to someone else the same you've said to me. I have to stop dwelling on the past two days and move forward, because as you say, that's when the problems can start again trying to right the wrongs (and winning the losses back).

GeorgeUK

Hi CJ

Glad you are at least able to recognise that you have a problem and are not going to bury your head. It can be hard in the first few weeks, but it does get easier. It might be an idea to start another thread and just put up your finances so that others may be able to suggest any ways of saving money. I'm keeping a diary here so that i can see what i have been planning to do and how to go about it. It also helps to show what progress i've made as well.

If you have any debt on your credit cards, that may be the first thing you should be looking at as the interest rate if you used the card for gambling will be higher than the stadard rate for purchases. Also i could only meet my minimum payments by getting a Virgin creditcard - the minimum monthly payment is was £25 which meant i could just meet the minimum after i fell off the wagon and posted on here.

Feel free to rant, rave and throw a wobbly. There's lots of people here who know exactly how you feel. The knot in your stomach when you want the earth to just swallow you up or when you don't even want to think about what you've done. You need to draw aa line and move on from there - there's no going back or chasing losses. I thought i could gamble without risk if i didn't use my own money (freerolls), but i don't have the discipline to stop myself from gambling. I didn't - now i can as i don't allow myself to be put into a position where it may be a possibility.

copperjar

Thanks George. I feel terrible this evening, can't shake it off but will try to get to sleep and hopefully wake up feeling in a positive frame of mind. I think when I lost money before (and it has been a hell of a lot more than £250 in 2 days) I kind of kidded myself that it would be okay because I'd win it back some day. Now I know I'm never going to, I feel a bit desperate.

I've completely overhauled my finances in the last month - changing broadband provider, mobile phone contract, cutting my Sky to the basic package etc etc - all the things suggested on this site. Felt incredibly proud of myself for doing so - saved myself about £65 a month....just can't shake the feeling of doom that I've wasted 4 months savings in 2 days. God - what an idiot. I think I'm more annoyed at myself this time, after what is in comparison a small loss, because I thought I'd already had a lightbulb moment 3 weeks ago!

Anyway - time to move on and try and get some sleep.

Thanks to both of you for your support.

GeorgeUK

Try not to let it get to you CJ. It's those mistakes that are worth their weight in gold if you learn from them. My mistake the 2nd time cost over 9.5k

No need to beat yourself up about it, just work out how and why you did it and move on from there, making sure not to repeat the mistake and to take steps to do something else if you feel you are going down that path again.

It's an addiction that has taken a long time to get its hooks into you. You can't expect to just let it go without some kind of kickback. Hopefully now that the bulb is a little brighter you'll be able to see the way a little clearer and avoid those potholes.

TotallyBroke

Hi Copperjar.
Welcome.

Yesterday was yesterday, Today is today. Today is the start of the rest of your life. You beat yourself up but today you need to draw a line under it now.

The money has gone so forget about it. Do not keep dwelling on it, doing that will keep the gambling at the front of your mind. Gambling needs to be at the back of your mind.
Put gamblock on your pc so that the temptation is not there any longer.
Do a soa for the month, then do one for just this week. See where you can juggle money around to not get further into debt. Look in your cupboards and see how many dinners you can make from what you have.
I'm saying this to keep you occupied. It can take you nearly two days to check your online banking, work out a spreadsheet that you can play around with and adapt to your needs. Then your meal planning to work out your dinners etc and you will find it's Saturday again. It'll be 2009 and a completely new year.

Please feel free to rant or shout or even scream if you want. We will listen (if our ears will take it lol) and if we can help or advise then we will do.
Everyone has been fantastic to me, cantcope even sent me a Gambler's Anon bible that I read myself on a regular basis. I have adapted the prayers to suit myself. (I'm not a gambler I was a victim of gambling But no longer)
Have a look and see if there are any meetings in your area. They can be a great help to some.

Good luck and again welcome x

TotallyBroke

Hope everyone had a great Christmas. I did, lo is so excited about his new bed and is doing very well with sleeping in it.
OH is off work this week which does make me nervous. But I have to trust, don't I !!!!
There are lots of things that need to be done at home and from what he did yesterday it would seem he has been keeping himself busy. So my fingers and toes are crossed that it will continue.

Hope everyone has a fantastic New Years Eve and that the New Year starts on a positive note. Lots of love and best wishes for 2009 and beyond x

cantcope

hI TB, thats really good news, lets hope this is the start of a great year for you all.
Nice to see you read the book yourself. I agree it can be adapted. I am not a religious person but try to live by the serenity prayer on the back. Doesnt always happen though lol.

Good to hear your lo is getting his room done up. Probably just the boost he needs if he's been a bit unsettled the last few months.

onwards and upwards xx

copperjar

Well, I've had quite a good day today - instead of not daring to look at my bank balance and just kidding myself that it was okay, I've written a big spreadsheet of what goes out when and have my January wages allocated already!! Just need paying now! Have also banned myself from all the sites I used to use and have a full social calandar arranged for the weekend so I'm not tempted to nip onto the computer and have a bet.

Had been worrying about tomorrow as I have the day off and tend to gamble when I'm bored, but I've set myself a few tasks to do before the new yrs eve celebrations start - so should be able to keep myself very busy.

Had a shock when I checked my current account online today - 15 transactions to betfair all in a row! I'm very embarassed and can't wait for my statement next month where there will be no betting transactions at all. Its crazy, but I squirm with embarassment imagining what the people in the bank must be thinking!!

My new 0% credit card has arrived too, so the 2 other smallish CC balances are going to get transferred tomorrow - and I hope to get them completely paid off within 3 months.

Thanks once again to you all - can't believe how much better and more positive I'm feeling today.

GeorgeUK

Good news CJ. Wel done.

Just think of all the savings you will be making by not paying interest on the card. I would advise not to cancel the other cards though (unless you think the temptation may be too much). You may be able to get offers of 0% or a low APR life of balance transfer for when this 0% offer runs out from them.

Must admit i find the boredom problem a little difficult. My dad watches sport all the time and i'm just not interested so i end up o nthe computer. I play free games etc to fill the time and probably transferring part of the addiction if i'm being honest from gambling to another type of game, but it keeps that part of my brain occupied so i'll hopefully be able to wean myself off that too and find a better way to deal with myself later.

Glad you're feeling much more positive. Even just taking babysteps will bring you closer to where you want to be. Keep it up.