ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

citizenkitten

how is everyone? GN coming up, i wonder if this is an event that starts the addiction?

other than that, i have a brownie recipe I am dying to make, which i shall tonight as my youngest sister is coming up to visit tomorrow.

i just love brownies, cant get enough! always order one if i see it on the menu.

cantcope

Hiya. All good here. Didn't know about GN as my brain just blocks stuff like that out now.
I don't think it can be blamed for starting addictions though. Certainly not mine. Otherwise I would have been addicted last a young age. As it were my addiction kicked in when I was 30.
Too much money and too much time on my hands with 24 hour amusement available online.

cantcope

Enjoy the baking. I used some easter eggs to make chic chip cookies this week

GeorgeUK

Hello folks - it's been a while since i've been here. I used to post quite a bit but once finances got sorted, tailed off. I'm glad to say i'm still not gambling (did go overboard once on some lottery tickets for a Euromillions rollover, but that was a once off).

Congratulations Cantcope on the bambino. Glad to see you were able to avoid temptation too. It seems like every time the tv is on, there's constantly advert for gambling or sporting events sponsored and advertising it.

Hope everyone else is able to stay on the path. It's a long process, but every day it gets a little easier. Just focus on one day at a time - gambling has never made you 'happy' - just try to bear that in mind if temptation strikes. It always costs more than just money.

Right now i'm suffering from stress and anxiety attacks - not had any full blown panic attacks for a few months now. When i was gambling and getting out of debt i was okay. Work stuff...

Anyhoos, going to go to bed now. I really need my beauty sleep. Hope any oldtimers that come across this are still doing well and are healthy - and i wish the current members every success in staying strong. It was a huge relief the first time i put up my diary - the first step was hard and i've come off the path a few times. The important thing is that you keep going forward though - looking back won't help you and the anger/resentment can hurt you.

G'night all.

feetforward2013

Hi,

I am a long-time lurker on this excellent thread.

Have been a gambling addict (online) for 6 years. I was going to say 6 years on and off, but to be honest the addiction has been "on" that whole time - it's just the actual gambling that's been on and off...

And at the moment I'm mostly "off" thank god.

Am learning more and more ways to block myself form online gambling - have Gamblock on main PC (great program), TXNogam (also v good) on laptop, but often have access to other PCs so do have lapses from time to time and need to keep vigilant.

So I'm wondering if anyone knows if there are any banks which don't allow gambling transactions from their debit or credit cards? I love my bank (Smile) and their ethical policy is important to me but for some unknown reason they allow gambling transactions, even though I've asked them if they can block me from doing them.

They say it's impossible and my only option would be to go to a cash-only account, but I'm not willing to do this and I need to be able to do normal online shopping. (I don't understand why it's impossible to block them when they know what gambling transactions are - they charge different interest on them - not as if they can't distinguish them from other transactions.)

Anyway, I am self-excluded from most online casinos, have blocking software etc, but I do think if I can find a bank I can live with who doesn't allow gambling I would be much safer.
Any ideas?

Thanks all for your posts and the support that you never knew you were giving this lurker!

FF

BTW I am a MSE regular, but posting under an alias

cantcope

Hi and welcome.

I think the reason they cant block gambling transactions is because most transactions on a debit/credit card are actioned by a middle man. Now unless someone sits and manually watches what you are doing then theres no way of blocking as by the timme its picked up you would have already spent the money. They are put through as a cash transaction. So i am guessing by blocking them they would also block and cash you withdrew using the card and this is not in their interest. They are a money making business afterall.

Have some self discipline. Get rid of an overdraft facility if you have one then you cant go overdrawn. If you spend all your money needed for online shopping on betting then perhaps that will be a lesson for the next time?

Why do you NEED to do online shopping? Is there a valid reason? or just not wanting to go to an actual shop?

With all the blocks you have in place you have taken the right steps but there comes a time when you have to be able to choose not to gamble when the blocks arent there otherwise you will never learn.
A bit like taking a radiator cover off. Would we all automatically go and touch it and burn ourselves? Probably not

Good luck. Try the old fashioned, I will not gamble today route

feetforward2013

Thanks for your response Cantcope.

As you know though, "have some self-discipline" only goes so far with this situation. I have a lot of self-discipline and it's just for the occasions when it cracks against the all-consuming compulsion to play the game I am addicted to, that I'm looking for that last barrier.

I have kidded myself that I can rely on self-discipline before, and I actually think it's part of admitting to the size of the problem I have that I'm saying I *can't* rely on "self-discipline". If I could, I wouldn't need Gamblock. Sorry if that seems weak to you, but I think it's honest.

Believe me, I have tried and wrestled with every form of "just don't gamble today" type behaviour. For months at a time it has worked. Then my thinking changes and I "forget" why it matters that I don't. The usual "a little bit can't do any harm" evil. I have closed all but my essential cards/accounts, all e-wallets, etc etc. Took tons of self-discipline.

Glad that you are able to do it with pure self-discipline alone.

I said "online shopping" because I don't want to reveal too much personal information, but I'm not talking about buying shoes here - I actually need to be able to make online transactions for my career; I am self-employed and there is a completely valid reason why I need to be able to use cards online, most often through Paypal.

I see what you mean about gambling transactions looking like cash transactions. And yeah, of course, they're all money-making businesses. I'm just surprised at an "ethical" bank not being able to respond to my request.

I'm not blaming the bank for any of my actions and I hope I didn't come across as if I was.

GeorgeUK

Hello feetforward.

As Cantcope says - this would not be something to rely on. You need to rely on yourself first and foremost. If you keep having relapses then this is not going to save you.

That said, way back in the black days, i 'think' there was something mentioned about one of the banks not allowing gambling transactions on moral grounds. This was a few years ago and was just a thread i read in a forum somewhere, but it might be worth calling up Citibank to see if anything like this is available. It might only have been credit card transactions that were affected by this, but i'm sure that it was Citibank - possibly because of US poker player when online gambling wasn't permitted in America.

Hopefully this is still correct and is of some use to you. Just don't think of this as a safety net - there are always ways to work around something if you want to badly enough.

Good luck

feetforward2013

Thanks, George. I will check out Citibank.

I have to say, although I might have sounded sarky and defensive in my reply to Cantcope, she actually gave me a useful kick up the **** with her wording...! And I've been feeling sort of like "actually yeah, maybe there is something worthwhile in me that CAN help me" (call it self-discipline or whatever).

I am going to continue with all the barriers I can find, but I was forgetting that it's down to me in the end, and that since I DO use self-discipline every day (e.g. by not going into bookies, or using internet cafes, or all the other ways I could access gambling) maybe I'm underestimating how important that aspect is and how much I'm doing it already. And therefore how much self-discipline is in me that I can't keep claiming doesn't exist...

... Well it makes sense to me!

I have had counselling where I've talked about my compulsive gambling and the more I understand the reasons behind it, the less powerful it is - or actually it's more like: the less often I get a really powerful urge. So the urges now are more sort of "oh for old times' sake" and I know I'm being lazy and doing the wrong thing if I give in. Feels like progress, because the "good" feeling I used to get at the beginning of "giving in" isn't really there any more. So it's more of a rotten old habit now, just the weak end of the addiction, that maybe a bit of self-discipline can beat. Not the all-consuming life (or death-life) it used to be, which self-discipline didn't stand a chance against.

Thanks again
FF

cantcope

Hi FF. Sorry its taken me so long to respond. Definitely nothing to do with reply (only just read it). I'm made of stronger stuff

We are all strong people and committed to what we do. I was told a few things in GA early on. I'm happy to share and these things helped me so maybe they will help you too.

If i put as much effort into not gambling as i did into getting the money to gamble then i wont gamble.
If it wouldnt have stopped me gambling then it shouldnt stop me giving in now.
Visualise the bet as having 2 doors. One is open if you gamble and inside the room is misery, so much noise you cant sleep, calls from the bank and loan companies, dirty clothes, no friends and someone permanently kicking you in the stomach.
The other door if you DONT bet is full of restful sleep, self respect, healing relationships etc
Up to you which door to choose in a split second

With a four month old son to look after who relies on me completely, a bet has never been farther from my mind. Even though i have less money than i ever had when i wasnt gambling. In my mind everything i do now is for him.
I need nothing. This was apparent a few weeks back when everyone was asking what i would like for my birthday...Absolutely nothing that money could buy
I am in a good place right now no reason to go back to gambling.

Have a great bet free week everyone and if you relapse come back and let us know. Writing these things down can really help x