ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

I'm still here. Still not gambling. Over 8 years now

I'm looking forward to a fantastic Christmas with my little boy. So far away from the year when i was waiting for my "winning lovetoshopvouchers" from jackpotjoy for being the highest playing (spending) customer on one of their games...(oh dear god i was so deluded that i actually believed that i'd won!)
that arrived on christmas eve enabling me to buy gifts so i could keep the lie going (nobody knew i gambled)

Those £250 vouchers had cost me over £10k to "win" on that one game...

this year there are gifts a plenty, enough food to feed the 10 people coming for dinner, an extra large decorated tree in the lounge

its my sons 2nd birthday on the 21st though so we have that celebration first. Life is good..(with a little bit of !!!! every now and again)

Jimby are you getting any support? family? gamblers anonymous? gamcare?
you cant do this on your own xxxx

Sillygirl17

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone has managed to stop gambling without getting support from anyone else? My parents do know I gamble but they think I've stopped and I think they'd probably kick me out if they find out I'm still doing it. I just don't feel like Gamblers Anonymous would work for me. (I know it's maybe worth a try but for now would rather not). Does anyone have any advice for getting through this without help? Thanks in advance.

cantcope

Hi

personally i couldnt do it without GA but the fact you WANT to stop is a good start. I'd recommend putting blocks on your computers etc. K9 is free but you would need someone to put a password on for you.
maybe tell your parents that you are getting tempted so could they please help make sure it doesnt happen?

this will take immediate temptation away for online gambling.

If you have access to money you could ask them to look after it for you? These are all things that while a bit embarassing will help you massively. And will also show your parents that you are being mature in wanting them to support you.

You CAN stop gambling but its not easy and you have to put the work in. My life (apart from a rubbish husband) is amazing compared to where it was 8 years ago. I was a mess. No money, few friends, no sleep, no pride, nothing. skin and bone where my foodm oney went on gambling....

now i have a house, a husband, a 2 year old, savings, a holiday booked and paid for for next year. But mmore important than all of that i have some self respect back and the light feeling of not having to remember any lies i've told x

i think honestly is the best policy but it is incredibly difficult. Your parents love you and im sure they wouldnt kick you out if you are asking for help. more likely if they found out themselves and you had been hiding it.

Fee free to post often. i will check back as often as i can xxx

cantcope

everyone ok?

Superted85

I have been following this thread despite the fact its from a long time ago, and it's strange how I feel like I know you all so well. I too have severe issues with online gambling and have racked up debts of tens of thousands of pounds. THIS IS STOPPING NOW! I have closed my online accounts, I'm going to hold my head high and keep looking forward because feeling so ashamed and keep looking back certainly wasnt helping. I have a wonderful supportive family, its taken me a long time to realise I do have a problem and even longer to do something about it but that time is now. I will be glad when I can finally put all this behind me.

Superted85

I know exactly how you feel Kezza. I could have written down exactly the same as you.

Superted85

Sorry, last night I was in a rush. I really hope this thread is still active as I am finding it really useful and helpful.
Here goes.....It has taken me a long time to admit it but I too have a gambling problem. It came out of nowhere and I managed to rack up sky high debts on credit cards. What has got me the most is the emotional impact this has had. I always enjoyed a bit of online bingo and never spent more than I could afford, maybe £20 a week. However one day about 18 months ago I signed up to a well known site and in a very short space of time became hooked on slots, despite having never played them before. At my worst I ran up in excess of 30k worth of debts. I couldn't believe what I had done, I consider myself a bright person, with a good job, a young family and responsibilities but over the last 18 months I became a person I didn't even recognise or like. I felt so ashamed for risking everything I have worked so hard to achieve. I felt that I let everyone down and placed my family under huge financial pressure, for what? for nothing. I started suffering from huge levels of anxiety, as I was carrying around this massive burden and worry and I was too afraid to tell anyone for fear of judgement and fear of the consequences - scared my husband would leave me for betraying and breaking his trust so much. In the end it go so much I had to tell him and I must say he has been wonderfully supportive and forgiving, now he says its not about him forgiving me because he has, it's about me learning to forgive myself and be the person I once was.
I have now closed the online account. I wish I had done it sooner. I am also very fortunate that a member of my family has helped me out and loaned me a large sum. Obviously, I have to pay it back but it takes the pressure off thats for sure. I never want to get in this position again
Although there appears to be some solutions to the financial element of this problem what I can't seem to overcome is the emotional impact. When reflecting on the last year, I don't know why I carried on doing it because the whole year I just hated myself. Hated myself for the stupidity, for not stopping, for letting my family down, hated myself for keeping secrets and generally for being such a failure. I had no self worth, online gambling eroded all of that. On top of that I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't sleeping (because the worry was always on my mind) or eating and that made me feel pretty rubbish.
Although my husband has been great, part of me does wonder if he is truly disgusted with me and love me the same as before. Although I have to keep reminding myself that is my own feelings.
After reading all your stories I'm relieved to see I'm not the only one. It certainly did feel like it before. Having a gambling problem is a very isolating thing and I can't bring myself to tell friends out of the shame I feel. My OH understands this, but I felt bad for him because when I did tell him the truth it also became his burden, and he indeed may feel like he needs someone to talk to.
Sitting here with a clear head, I really can' believe I did what I did (and kept doing it). It's like the whole past year has been some kind of foggy bad dream. I'm so disappointed with myself 2 years ago I was debt free, but getting sucked into online gambling saw me max out credit cards and take loans stretching me and the OH to our credit limits.
I really don't know how long it will take me to pay everything back or how long it will be that i'm not surrounded by negative thoughts and feelings about myself but I do feel I can get there one day, and feeling hopeful is certainly so much better than feeling like the biggest failure on the planet.

Best wishes to you all x

sanpablo78

My first post on here and my first admission that I've got a major gambling problem that has left me on the brink.


I came across this thread by Googling gambling problems and I've spent a bit of time reading through other peoples accounts and can relate to many of the tales.


Looking back I've probably had a gambling problem for over 15 years. I mainly bet online on horses and football but as time as gone on I've found myself at times betting on things such as tennis and golf. I got myself into a major financial problem because of gambling about 8 or 9 years ago which left me with a credit card debt of over £15000. Due to my personal circumstances at the time, I was able to pay this off over a number of years.


Having got myself straight, I did continue to gamble but not really regularly. I met my now wife amount 7 years ago and we bought a house together but my bad credit rating mean we couldn't get a joint mortgage. We married 2 and a half years ago and, although unrelated, my current problem has really got out of hand over the past 3 years. With my credit rating repaired, I've been able to obtain credit fairly easily and managed to amass around £68000 worth of debt through gambling made up of 3 loans and 3 credit cards. I have already defaulted one of the loans and made enquires online to StepChange but not yet called them.


As yet I've not even told my wife of my debt issues and to make matters worse we are expecting our first child in December.


I really don't know where to go from here and I'm so scared of what the future holds.


Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

MrCrimeFiction

Hello,

First post on this thread.

Someone posted the link on my diary and it's been a very interesting read.

In the past 5 years, I've probably blown over £50k. This finally stopped 4 days ago when I committed myself to being on MSE and GA everyday. I have finally realized that the money I save from not gambling can go towards an awesome holiday for me and OH.

I already put OH through hell last year when I told her about my £20k worth of debts. I cant and wont put her through it again.

This has stopped and with the help of this thread and my diary, im an ex gambler.

Good luck everyone.

MrCF

cantcope

Hi all,

i rarely check this post now as i jsut dont see gambling as part of my life anymore. its been a very long road and i am by no means "recovered" but i am at a point where it does not cross my mind or have any place in my day to day life. I have a choice now whether to gamble and i choose not to. Very different to the life i lead before where i didnt have a choice. i HAD to gamble!

I would not have got to where i am now without GA meetings though. as a man this is daunting, as a woman (which i am) this was just not a possibility i wanted to consider. However, once there i looked around and realised these other people were talking about how I felt and talking about how my life was even though they were talking about themselves. Although i was one of the younger ones at 31.... (i'm now 40 )
i made a brave decision to tell my parents, friends and workmates wanting the ground to open up and swallow me as i was so embrassed and ashamed.
thankfully, these people loved me unconditionally and having them know i had a problem meant that i then had another reason not to blow it. how could i tell them i'd done it again?! well i had to 6 months later but i haven't gambled now in over 8 years.

the first few years were incredibly tough. skint, paying off debt, realising i couldn't gamble EVER again on ANYTHING. but i worked hard and went to a meeting at least once a week and built up a really strong support network of people that knew exactly how i was feeling and had done things just as shameful as me. Not because they were terrible people, but because they had an addiction....

when i first stopped i had no money, no self respect, no confidence, no future.
now i have a husband, a son, a lovely house to live in, a flat that i now rent out and a really good job earning more than the hubby!
This is after helping my husband pay off HIS debt racked from an ex gf...so i feel like i went through the torture of no money twice!!

Life can be amazing. it just depends how much you really really want it.
having people know helps loads. swallow your pride, accept the consequences and make the first step to a better life!

well done for posting. That's a massive step x

will check in more often x