ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

feetforward2013

Hi all

Checking back in as it's been a while.

I have been to Gamcare and had some very helpful counselling face to face. (I am a counselling veteran but never focused on gambling before.). It was a huge relief, and to sit in the presence of a totally non-judging person and talk about what I have been doing in secret all these years was amazing.

I also told my best friend everything and gave her access to my bank accounts. She was 100% accepting, non-judging; I still am not at the place where I can tell my other half but - if anyone is willing to take advice from someone who is too cowardly to tell their other half - I would hugely recommend telling *someone* close to you, if you're still at the stage where no-one knows.

It helped me to realise/remember that for all my faults I am not a monster, and gambling is not the only thing about me. That in itself has been a strong step forward in stopping for good - why? Because I've started to feel better about myself and slowly, very slowly, very very slowly(!) am realising that I deserve a better life than a gambling "life".

So why was the last time I gambled only 11 days ago? Because I forgot (again) why it is so important that I steer clear entirely; because I was feeling complacent, had a bit of money that for those few hours I "didn't mind losing" (which of course turned into a lot more money that I DID mind losing); because I had a knock in life that made me feel down; because I was alone and ill and unable to get out and do my usual distracting things... all those reasons/excuses.

I'm disappointed in myself of course. But when I look at this year as a whole so far I think there are about 20 days on which I've gambled, and about 200 on which I haven't, and I call that progress compared with any of the last six years.

It is a long way from perfect and I sincerely hope I will "do better" and not have another day gambling (ever). At the moment though I'm making use of a really great mobile phone app called "Clean Time Counter" (it's free), which not only keeps track of your drug/alcohol/gamble-free days but shows you an hour, minute and second counter as well. It feels a lot more rewarding having got to 250 hours this morning than it "just" being day 11!

I have a secret goal of achieving 10,000 consecutive hours not gambling - then I will become an "expert non-gambler" according to the "10000 hours rule"! That will take me to next September. All my other goals in life are so dependent on other people, luck, and/or on just "life" not throwing me a curve ball - and I am really not good at dealing with things throwing me off track. This is the only goal I have that is 100% dependent on me, and which WILL happen if only I simply abstain minute after minute.

Anyway I've rambled on there. I do think of you all and every time I read a new story on here my heart goes out to you.

Best wishes to all
FF

1DayAAT

Hi everyone,

I started reading this thread at the weekend and have just completed it. It has been so helpful, inspirational and hopeful that I've decided to post... it's my first time on this forum and I'm hoping it's one of the steps to help me build a better future and a better me...

My Gambling

I have lost well over £40,000 :eek: in the past 3 years including every penny I have earned in my job for 2.5 years, and the savings I had been worked very hard to get together prior to that. Addiction went from 0-60 without me noticing, taking its form in the 'crack cocaine' of gambling = online slots...but all started with a simple freebie £5 on Bingo back in 2009.

All of my gambling has taken place online using my debit card and multiple credit cards. For the first 3 years I haven't seen anything other than reels spinning, even when I close my eyes. I have forgotten how it feels to live. I have wanted to take my life numerous times, including last week. I have promised to stop, again, again and again.. and never stopped. I have pressed the deposit button when I know I'm going to lose it all within minutes. I've had highs... £3,000 won in a £1 spin... £10,000 won on a £2 spin... £6,500 won on a 50p spin.. and more than those highs (which are just loans, to fuel the addiction) I've had lows. £20,000 blown in 3 days at one point...I have watched my finances and my soul drain and I have NOTHING left to give. Today - 07 October 2013 - is my first day clean and this is the first day of the rest of my life...

I somehow still have my job... despite having been off for sickness reasons this year (depression, anxiety and another neurological disorder that I have) and my workplace are supportive. I work full time hours and I bring home about £1400 a month.

Tried GA.. didn't like it.
Tried Gamcare... didn't like it.
Currently have closed all my casino accounts (in the past this just meant I'd open up new ones as soon as I saw one advertised).
Have Gamblock on my 2 computers... so started playing on my phone.

This addiction is strong and it is a killer. I don't want to be a victim of it any longer, I want to breathe, I want to be able to feel pleasure again - pleasure that doesn't rely on a stupid symbol on a slot machine.

I will keep you updated.:o

- Levi

cantcope

Hi Levi

first sorry its taken so long for anyone to respond and secondly welcome to the thread.

You say you went to GA and didnt like it. Did you dislike it more than your dislike for losing all of your hardearned money and wanting to take your own life?

i say this because i have been attending GA meetings for 7.5 years. in fact o was off a bet 7 years yesterday. However, that is only because i attend the meetings and do what im advised to do by people who have been off a longer than me.
i dont always like it. ltos of gamblers dont like to 'lose control' of anything. Yet thats exactly what happens when we gamble. we lose control over when we should stop. we cant. not when we win, not when we lose.

if you havent managed to quit successfully by yourself i'd advise another trip to GA. Maybe a different location?

if you REALLY want to stop you will get a phone with no internet access. Although if you REALLY wanted to stop having one with internet access wouldnt matter.

here is the advice i was given all those years ago.
hand all money/cards over to someone you trust. just have a few pound and i mean less than 10 to get through the day IF you need cash.
put blocks on all computers
tell your friends and family so they can support you while you try to recover
dont watch gambling shows on tv (this can give you the high you get from gambling
dont gamble in ANY form. that means no bingo/dogs/horses/lottery/raffles even though they werent what caused the damage.

dont look back at what youve lost. its gone. move forward on what you can do now. the money isnt really the issue as money can be replaced.
its the time you've lost, you are depressed and anxious (i wonder why?!)

you mention the amounts a lot. they arent important. i lost 5 times that amount in less than two years of gambling online.
doesnt make me better or worse. just means i had means of getting more.
if you gamble £1 more than you can afford you have the same problem as someone whos lost millions.

this addiction IS a killer. ive known people that have stopped coming to GA meetings to then kill themselves when the addiction took hold again.
Dont let it win.

GA gives me a choice whether i gamble or not. without it i lose that freedom of choice as it takes over.

i messed about with the meetings for the first six months as i didnt like them and didnt like being the only woman either. the result? i gambled.
i went straight back. resolved to do it properly and i havent gambled since.

i sleep at night. i have money in the bank, i dont have any worries anymore about how i will pay the mortgage or bills, i have a new life and a new appreciation of how hard i work for my money.

you too can have all this. if you REALLY want to.

i hope the next time you post it is of positive things x

alfred64

That's a valuable lesson for everyone.

cantcope

Happy new year everyone. I hope it is bet free and amazing for everyone on here in recovery from compulsive gambling.
Remember. Just for today I will not gamble xx

kezza`4

Hi there

not sure if this is still active, but if not I will just use it as my, hopefully, gamble free diary. I have never, ever posted in a forum before - so please forgive me if I do anything wrong.

I'm a single mom with 3 young kids and my gambling started when my now ex used to work nights and I was at home with the kids, with nothing to do, and saw an advert in a magazine for online bingo! That was back in 2009 and I so wish I would not have joined. Back then, I'd deposit £10 and have the free bonus money and that was it. A bit of fun.

Fast forward 5 years and not only do I not have any of the £25k savings I had, I also maxed out credit cards and loans and owe nearly £20k. I am so disgusted with myself and if it wasn't for my kids I would not be here, but there is no way I could leave them without a mom (albeit a sh*t mom at times!)

I cannot believe how stupid I have been. Beginning of the year I did a self managed DMP with the plan of giving up gambling, and managing my debts. My DMP was fine, but I just couldn't shake the gambling. I could still, and did get credit - I don't know how I was accepted and blew it all on online bingo sites playing the slots.

What started out as a little 'hobby', has ruined the last at least 4 years of my life (the first year was only casual 'controlled' fun gambling) I think I'm an awful mom, and there are days where I am exhausted I have been up til say 3am playing slots, chasing losses, or for some reason playing winnings that I could have just banked.

I want to be totally gamble free. If I stick to quite a tight budget all my debts will be gone by Jan 2016. I need to never gamble again. I don't want to let myself or my kids down. I've tried to give up before, but always give in - then end up in such a mess. I'm hoping that as it's all written down now that this will keep me motivated if I feel weak. I hate the secrecy, lies and self loathing. I just want my life back and to be able to enjoy my kids. Sorry, if you are reading this and I've gone on sooo much x

DollyDreamer

Please do not feel alone or like this can't be turned around read my diary I am at the begining of a similar journey

It is hard and I do struggle but I am trying and slowly I am seeing results

Private message me if you need extra support I would love a friend on this trail xx

cantcope

Hi all
Apologies for no contact. i've been moving house. Finally a house!
through sheer determination and NO gambling i have got a mortgage and a garden for my son!

I can only recommend total abstinence. No lottery, raffles, bingo, online etc....jsut the thought of a "win" is enough to spiral out of control for me so its easier to not gamble on anything.
Tell your friends and family so they can support you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are addicted and you want help. Thats a good thing!

Life can be better. I'm 8 years off a bet now and i can honestly say i dont miss it anymore. It took a while though!

I will try to check this thread again over the weekend.
Keep strong everyone xxx

riquelme

anyone out there , ???

Jimby509

Still here. Still gambling. Still trying to quit.

Had a bad year as many ups and downs with online casinos. Lost everything and ran up 3 credit cards and payday loans, i have paid them all off a few times this year with winnings just to run up the debts again.

Now i am pay off the credit cards and destroy them straight after.

Currently one credit card with £1000 and £350 payday loan. Casino owes me £1400 but refusing to pay out. Fun times

A fool and his money easily parted. How is everyone else?