ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

feetforward2013

Lovely reply, thank you.

That image will be something in my armoury I can call on when tempted (as I know more temptation will come. It's up to me how I deal with it).

Thanks again and wishing everyone the best.

FF

cantcope

Just a little update. I had a dream on Saturday night that I won £76k on a fruit machine. Then had to go back because I'd left 20p in the tray at the bottom.
Just confirmation I can't stop even when I win. I told hubby as soon as I woke that I needed to get to a meeting this week and made a couple of calks to ga members.
Got my first meeting since November (Unable to get there as was heavily pregnant then obv have a newborn. Was also very poorly for first 3 months) in on Monday night and two members came over yesterday afternoon.

After 7 years I feel so glad noticed the warning and did the right thing rather than push it aside. This horrible addiction never goes away. Its how we all deal with it

citizenkitten

hey feetforward, welcome

i hope you are okay and still managed to keep your trnsactions non gambling related.

do you have a family? i see you are self employed and i always think I wish i was as brave and strong as people who are self employed, i am a bit wimpy and want a guarranteed income but one day, i hope to take that step.

cc - glad to see you are doing well and nipped in the bud. take care and use your Lewis as your 76k winnings dream every day coming true

feetforward2013

Hi Citizenkitten,

Thanks for the welcome and for your support.

I don't have a family so that's why I can sort-of afford to take the risk of being self employed with a very variable income. (This also feeds into my money insecurities which don't help my urges to gamble, but it's all a messed up connected thing.)

I would 100% recommend being self-employed as long as you have some kind of safety net, be it a good chunk of savings, or someone who can and will support you as you get going. Otherwise it's extremely scary. Actually it's pretty scary anyway! But there are loads of benefits, especially if you don't take kindly to being told what to do in a normal job, like me...

If it's something you want for your life, then definitely start planning it now. You don't have to give up employment until you're ready. For me, I was made redundant from my salaried job so I was sort of pushed into it. (And yes I gambled away all my redundancy money ) But if you have the chance to start something going in your spare time, while you still have an income from a job, you should go for it.

Anyway sorry - off-topic for the thread - though at least on-topic for the site

Best wishes to all and thanks again for contributing to this helpful thread.

FF

Finally_admitted_defeat

Hi all

After reading the majority of this thread I finally don't feel so alone! I have amassed what to me seems a huge amount of debt through online gambling sites! For me it started about 12 months ago and I win a jp of 1250! I was good and withdrew straightaway and enjoyed treating me and the kids with it! Obviously after a big win I felt I could win more, that's when I discovered the instant games, starting off with £20 bets I was walking away with a couple of hundred each month! Easy money right? Then one bad night saw me chasing losses and ended up in taking out a small loan if £2500 to cover what I had spent! Since I work in a bank this was a staff loan so was cheap and simple! Still didn't learn and carried on, by this point I was betting 50 to 100 a time and occasionally walking away with a couple of grand! Then the worst happened and I started to lose again and chased my losses, after finally winning enough to cover the now 2000 overdraft and 2000 cc I got cocky and thought I could maybe get a bit more, the site I was using allowed you to reverse withdrawal for up to 48 hours and this became my biggest downfall, I kept reversing until it worked that I had nothing left! In the end I had 2000 overdraft, 500 overdraft, 1200 overdraft, 2k loan, 2k cc I knew I couldn't go on and finally came clean and told my partner and mum, they forgave me and my partner bailed me out with a loan to make it affordable for us. This was last October, the January I slipped and went back, at first I win 300 and immediately withdrew, then I thought once more and within a night I was back up to the limit of my 2k overdraft, panicked I borrowed from pay day loans to try and recoup my losses so partner wouldn't find out, had 1800 in payday loans through 6 lenders! Again I had to come clean I couldn't do it! Mum bailed me out with the payday loans and needless to say now I live alone, ex couldn't take on anymore as now I still have cc totalling 3.5k my staff loan and a loan used for the car plus my 2k overdraft! So what do I do? Do it again, started well, won a jackpot and was 500 in profit! This was last Monday, I am now writing this with 1.5k in pd loans and no hope of paying them! Can't tell my mum, not a 3rd time, I have to do this myself, contacted step change today to sort out a dmp as I am slowly drowning in debt, although I have never defaulted I will be doing in August when they try and take payment!

Thank you all for this thread, feel so much better being able to get it t all out, been feeling so alone this last week, haven't eaten in 3 days, just feel ill thinking about what I have done AGAIN!

I do think being let off easily is the worst thing, I have never had to sort my financial mess myself and now I am owning upto my problems! Today is the first day of the rest of my life

cantcope

welcome to the thread. i dont have time today for a long response (will write again in the week) but didnt want to read and run

Give Gamblers Anonymous a call and get to your nearest meeting next week. You are most definitely not alone and everyone there will have been where you are now at some point so will understand without judging.

I found my meeting over 7 years ago now and have a wonderful life now (albeit as up and down as everyone elses)

keep strong x

gambledandlost

It has been nearly a year since I last came onto this forum, and almost 1.5 years since I last gambled.
I spent 6 months cold turkey, living my normal life, relying on willpower. One night I almost gave in and I realised the reason I gambled was 1. habit and 2. the desire to make money to change my life which I hated. I decided to tackle both of these head on; I sold my home, car and most of my contents and paid off my debts before putting most of the money into an account for which I cut up the cards and chequebook. In the meantime I moved into a cheap bedsit with no internet access (therefore no online temptations), I then quit my job and used the rest of the money I had left to travel to a few countries visiting family.

When I came back I moved to the opposite side of the country, got a job I love wayyyyyy below my paygrade and qualifications working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day and used the money I had stashed away to buy a house and completely renovate it. I have also joined a sports group and choir, giving me new wonderful friends. Between the job, renovation and social scene, I had no time to check my facebook, let alone play bingo.
This has been my life for a year, last night I went onto one of the online casinos (my new, amazing boyfriend on the other end of the phone) and was relieved to realise I honestly had no desire to gamble; I don't even want the money anymore.
I feel I initially began to gamble online to earn money to make my life better, but in fact the gamble I was screaming out for was a gamble with my lifestyle; I honeslty feel for once in my life, I gambled and won.

david01010

Wow. That shows incredible will power there gambled.

I just had the letter from the OR saying I need to go and see them again.. And thier intent on applying for a BRO...

And it's been 9 months!!!

Oh well, I did expect it to start with.. But after this long and at least lining up the wheels to get my life back on track, can't say I even know what I'm gonna do. I guess it won't make a lot of difference..

Sought help for depression. Was going out and not sitting in a darkened room afraid of what would happen if I ever showed my face to the world. Don't think this will make me relapse.

I only really lose my head on 1 site, dedicated to roulette. So I banned myself from it.

Sorry not been on for a while... I tried to put all this sh*t behind me.. I don't think I will ever regret the decision to go bankrupt..
Panic attacks, anxiety attacks, paranoina, sleepless nights, no money, letters, phone calls, stress, worry, guilt, no self esteem, self hate, human race hate, world hate, not eating, no motivation, losing my home, relying on others to live, social anxiety, self abuse, substance abuse, robbing one money source to pay another, gambling abuse, not taking care of my appearance, frustration, relationship breakdown, anger, envy, and I think I may have missed a few things.........

Compared to a guy in a suit telling me I can't go and ask lloyds for a loan for a while....

No contest really.

Best Wishes to all. ( good luck seems the wrong thing to say )

bounce08

Was given a link to this thread in another thread I started.

I started gambling 6 years ago on £1 football accumulators. This has culminated in betting £1500+ of my wages each month. I've sold all my assets now to fund it, including my computer and tv. I have no money left for food now, just a packet of rice and some porridge. I estimate I've gambled over £80,000.

I have severe personal debt which controls my life which is why I gamble. I live alone, no friends, no family close. My family are under intense pressure as a relative suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. The last thing I want is to put my issues upon them.

I hate my job even though it pays okay. I told my work how down I felt a few months ago but it put me at a disadvantage slightly (in their words I was "unstable") so I lied and pretend I feel fine. I smile and put a brave face on, they know nothing.

Gambling is the only thing I have but need to stop as need to sort my life out. I drink a lot, I spend any spare money I have on gambling and alcohol. Ive now run out of money so cant gamble or buy food or alcohol. Ive sold everything, I lied to my brother telling him I had urgent car repairs (I dont even have a car but he doesnt know that) so I could borrow £700. That went in 2 hours. I am not close to any of my family at all, I rarely speak to them and it was an awkward conversation with him hadnt spoken to him for a year.

I am going to call my GP and my works counsellor tommorow.

I attended a GA meeting a month ago but hated it as it had religious undertones in the "12 steps" and didnt learn anything I havent been advised before.

cantcope

Hi Bounce.

GA in my experience is never religious. The "power" is whatever you want it to be. I dont believe in God but I do believe in GA as its the only thing that has stopped me gambling.
Did you hate it as much as you hate having no money and no food?
You didnt learn anything you havent been advised before. You didnt learn then either then did you? Or you didnt want to learn

You have to really want to stop for anything to work. Did you actually try e anything you were advised? Or did you think you were better than the people that dont gamble anymore?

Once you open your mind life will be better.
Put as much effort into NOT gambling as you did into gambling. Do things you dont like.
Until you admit that you cant ever win (as it just makes you bet more and more) then you arent ready. It will only work once you accept that you cannot bet ever again.

Chances are you didnt do anything they advised you at GA. Ive never met anyone who did the programme correctly who is still gambling.
As a gambler you are also a liar. youve lied to work, your brother.....

I hope you manage to quit one day. For me, i dont think you are ready yet
When you are if you come to the right places your life will be wonderful as you will get loads of support and advice.