ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

BeNiceToMySelf

I think I go between stages 5 and 3 at the moment, I tend to have a little relapse every few months . If I'm unhappy, bored or feel life has been unfair to me I'll use it as an excuse. sometimes it's about the thrill of it as well. fingers crossed that I won't ever do it again.

brittone05

Well, I never dreamed I would find myself in this situation but here goes....

When we moved from the city to the little country village we live in now, I dreamed of having chickens and making my own jam and bread and stuff. Little did i know then that I would feel so lonely, so isolated and so depressed that I got to the point that I wanted to take my own life.

By chance one day, I clicked a banner for an online bingo site. That very first night I should have known and realised i was doomed. I won £1500 on a mini slot side game and throughout the course of the evening, lost every single penny.

For the last 2 years, I have begged, stolen and hidden my gambling from my husband. He did find out about 12 months ago and threatened to divorce me but even that hasn't stopped me. I just cannot stop - it is all i think about every time I power the computer up, every time I know there is money in the bank every single cell in my body wants to gamble. Earlier this week I won on 2 sites - £500 on one, £350 on the other and I blew the lot which has really made me see that while we cannot afford to put electric in or to feed ourselves properly, my selfishness and stupidity is making our struggle 100000 times worse I feel so guilty, so ashamed and so full of hatred for myself right now - mush worse than the way i did when we first moved here.

Today, I made the choice that enough is enough though. I HAVE to try to get help - I cannot tell my husband as he would never forgive me so this is a battle I must face alone, hopefully with the support of people who have gone through and are still going through the same.

I have contacted my bank to request an account with a cash card only - no debit cards. They couldn't help so I have applied with another bank and intend on closing my account with Natwest completely.

I have to face this and cope with this and realise that I can see the other side of it before i completely destroy any shred of self worth i have left.

The need and the urge to gample is all consuming and the shame is even more so - for now, I can cope with being a faceless gambler on the internet who can share her worries. Maybe in the future I can admit openly to others that I have gotten to a point where i am hiding bills, lying to those closest to me and, essentially, stealing from my children and husband to feed a habit that could rival any drug problem

BeNiceToMySelf

brittone congratulations on taking this step. please consider contacting gamcare - you can chat to a counseller online

I truly believe that you can only go cold turkey. Even a little dabble at this stage can be disastrous. If you can't bear to install blocking software for fear of being found it you can take action. You can e-mail all the sites and ask to be self-excluded. At this moment you have the strength, conviction and clarity to self-exclude. Try and make the most of this willpower.

brittone05

Thanks BeNice

I have today emailed the sites i play on and requested that my account be closed as I feel my gambling is out of control. They were very good and said that my account will be closed indefinitely - have even done this with sites I have not deposited on so that temptation is removed.

I know that for every site I block, another 5 will email offering wins of wonder and pots of gold but it HAS to stop for me now.

I will also contact Gamcare on Monday and continue to do everything I can to prevent this.

I did previously install anti gam ware - free trial. At the time, I couldn't bare to pay for it when I could use the money spent to gamble, ironically stupid or what!

With gambling available on laptops, phones, tablets, TV it seems senseless putting a block on one source only so will power, support and some common sense being brought into my life will be the way forward I feel xxxxx

Indebted.Dunce

Brittone,

Usually the first step, which also happens to be the most difficult step, to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. You have successfully taken that step, well done!

You have also taken the second most difficult step of doing something about your problem - cutting yourself off from gambling establishments, well done!

I will not lie to you, your battle against gambling will be a long, drawn out battle. I am a living proof, I have been fighting the battle for years. The key is to keep persevering and the battle gets easier.

If you truly want to stop, which you sound like you do, then you can. You are at the right place. This thread, and the posters on it, will give you all the support you need and great advice without judging you.

Well done on taking the most difficult steps.

Stay strong!

ID

BeNiceToMySelf

brittone05 wrote: »

I have today emailed the sites i play on and requested that my account be closed as I feel my gambling is out of control. They were very good and said that my account will be closed indefinitely - have even done this with sites I have not deposited on so that temptation is removed.

I know that for every site I block, another 5 will email offering wins of wonder and pots of gold but it HAS to stop for me now.

I will also contact Gamcare on Monday and continue to do everything I can to prevent this.

Way to go Brittone! With online gambling self exclusion is the only way, but as you have pointed out there is always a new site popping up. That's how I get my relapses. Now I have gotten betfilter I can't access any gambling website at all from my laptop but also have a desktop in the house. After cashback etc. has tracked (if at all), I'm going to self-exclude from those sites aswell.

gixer750

for any would be gamblers playing roulette. here was my strategy that went belly up twice.

£5 black - lose
£10 black - lose
£20 black - lose
£40 black - lose
£80 black - lose
£160 black - lose
£320 black - lose

at this stage im thiking red has to come up soon, but when you analyse the above, i'd just wagered £320 to win £5 - crazy

£1000 black - lose
£2000 black - lose
£4000 black - lose

at this stage im in bits

can i echo what a poster has said above - the odds are in the bookies favour -

i expec ted red to come up, all you need is 1 losing run like this for everything to go wrong, and believe me it does and will

hope this helps someone[/QUOTE]

and for any would be gamblers this is the martingale system and garaunteed failure, i play roulette and if this stops one person playing this system then it has helped.......

brittone05

Thanks for the welcome and the support already received - it is quite overwhelming finding that the situation I thought I was alone in is indeed one I can share with people who really, truly understand.

Today is pay day. I got a freidn to run me to the bank within 5 minutes of falling out of my bed and have withdrew all monies that are not for bills so, again, I cannot be tempted.

Feeling very positive still - i expect it to kick in in the coming weeks but knowing that I have a place to come to spill my feelings out will be a huge crutch in fighting this addiction xxxxx

BeNiceToMySelf

wow brittone you are doing so well! I thought about withdrawing my wages but never did it.

thank you for your advice gixer

brittone05

Thanks BeNice - it is only the start for me. I am sure next payday will be worse as it is my fortnightly payment which means I know I will have more there and the temptation is always greater on those days hoping Lloyds TSB hurry with my new account xxx