ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

hi David, have you considered speaking to Samaritans in the meantime? someone to just listen?
There is always a way out of debt. Try not to think like that xx
easier said than done i know but i felt the same and i DID get out of it. It was hard work, i sold almost all my belongings, moved in with parents, went out rarely for a diet coke with friends.
The fact you have a job is a great thing. If you dont gamble next payday you'll be better off already x

citizenkitten

thanks jimby, fozmcfc, indebted and cantcope for your response.

i think it is useful to hear how people have resolved their addictions.

david - i am trying to hear you, so i think you are saying because everything seems like such an uphill struggle and you cannot control your addiction that you feel hopeless or unable to change anything?

or have i got it wrong?

today i ate way too much food and thought about buying some canvas's for some paint, i cant paint but it thought it would be fun. however my other half would want to see what i did, but i would be too embarrassed... :rotfl:

david01010

Thanks cantcope. Good luck with the baby. Thanks J.

Citizen I think you got it right. Just hopeless. And maybe still trying to get my thoughts sorted out. I wanted to say thanks to the people who have talked to me. But maybe wasn't in the right frame of mind to say the right things.

Yes I have considered the samaritans, very recently. I " talked " with gamcare and that helped me... But I'm not really suicidal.....

Call it what you want, not enough guts, living in a deluded state, but I couldn't do that to myself, or the people who care.

Someone I knew did it, and I just think of his young family and whatever the guy was, he was still a dad.

Jimbo that sounds like me too, but does anyone else do or did it, to feel so low, you ask for help more?? Something I have noticed. I guess the opposite is more true... You risk the feeling low.. For the other feeling. .

I have opened my eyes ( had them opened for me maybe too ) by talking about the situation im now in. And you guys posts. I'm not the only one that is being affected by this.

Not going out, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to go to bed, I have a prescription that I have had for a month now.... Still not got it. Been driving around with 50 empty cans of beer in my car because I still haven't been to the recycling center. Theres more....

Hmmm... I've done this before. Told myself that Im admitting that I have a problem.. Then usually tell myself I can deal with it. But that needed to change, and I think it did. But the last few days the feeling kinda dwindles. And all that, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that about it all, fades.

I know this is a financial based site... But you guys seem to have the same emotions, and same hang ups as me.

A while ago.. I had had a good night. Felt so confident. Went and gambled online.. Got my balance over 1000.. Adopted a saying I kept on repeating.. " Give me my life back, please " Hit 4000... Started to lose.. And not like the time before, where I lost it all, yep 4000. I cashed out over 3000. I was lucky.. I had it in my mind to stop.. Maybe cause of the time before..

Took kids out next day.. I was soo happy. I would have bought them anything, the money hadn't cleared though. " Nevermind I'll do it tomorrow ". I wish it ended here...

The next night.. Going shopping tommorow... Maybe if I win a little, I can buy us all something and it will cost me nothing..!! I don't have to spend it all, besides ... I VE GOT NEARLY 5000!!! with my wages, and some cash... Took a while, but I doubled 300.. So now I can spend 300 and it wont cost me a penny... I really wish it ended here...

A few gut wrenching hours later... Luckily my wages hadn't cleared.. Just the " life changing 3 and a half grand "... Gone. Again.

That isn't normal.. Ok, you have to risk a lot to win that kind of money... But do you have to risk it again.. And again?

But it's not the risk.. It's the winning... But you will NEVER win enough... I tell myself if I had come close to winning 25000 I would have paid off everything and just handed myself to a dr.

Sorry, but that's how I thought it through, how I saw it...

But maybe could've just stopped everything and took time off.. From the constant mind games, despair, anxiety, that is my life.

But I know now, and should've known then, that I would still have said, even after winning back everything... Anything now is up. 1 more grand and I'm laughing.. 2 more and I'm really laughing..

And I wanted to share it, I don't think I would have before. But I read you guys stuff. And there is no way I'm gonna/wanna get into a mines bigger than yours competition...

Sharing stuff helps. I can come here and read that and keep the things that matter to me, in my head.

I hope. I really do.

I hope this makes sense. I'll stop rambling now.

citizenkitten

in the grand scheme of things, i am a tiny ant, a tiny pointless ant. but to someone else i am THEIR ant. sometimes it is this kinda backwards logic i love.

i had a lot of control issues too, it was the worst thing for me. i thought that money would buy me that control... so instead i had to learn to celebrate the small things. crazy tiny small things.

Indebted.Dunce

David

If I have understood you correctly, it is always that next £100 or £1,000 either to buy things for the family or to wipe out previous losses etc. There have been occasions where I have "won" life changing amounts only to lose it all and some more because I am chasing that one more "win". I am slowly beginning to realise that those were never "wins" but very short term loans from the casinos with an interest rate that makes the payday lenders / loan sharks look extremely good!

Just take a day at a time and it will be doable.

As CC said, the fact you have a job is a great thing. If you dont gamble next payday you'll be better off already. The debts will automatically starting coming down, I will be honest, it is not a quick fix and it will certainly take time but it sure will come down.

When the money is not so tight (and I know this is supposed to be a moneysaving site and you are in debt) and things have started improve, if you feel like going shopping, rather than thinking "maybe if I win a little, I can buy us all something and it will cost me nothing" just go out there and buy it then think "it cost me nothing as I would have given it to the casino anyway". You occasionally need to treat yourself, and my views are that you are better off spending money (within reason) on yourself/kids than giving it away to the casinos.

Hopefully we will all be at a similar stage to CC and others, and happily and honestly say we bought XYZ for £XYZ without worrying ourselves sick as we'd worked really hard for them!

citizenkitten

I have gone cold turkey as I have slowly realised that I am incapable of gambling "safely". A tenner soon turns into every penny I have to my name and lenders are willing to lend me.

To be fair, I don't think I have really faced too many challenges so far as I have historically been a "binge gambler". I have only been clean for 8 weeks. I hope I am never in a position where I am gambling at all cause deep down I know (even if the realisation hasn't fully sunk in) I will never be capable of gambling "safely".

ID

cantcope

Morning all. How are you feeling today David?

I can so relate to the "if i win it wont cost me anything". however, i look back now and realise if i did ever get the things i wanted i'd ended up paying for them twice or more. Once with the money i spent online and then again in the actual shop. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Now i get satisfaction in getting it as cheap as possible, using discount, cashback etc. I also find i am quite proud when i manage to get something really nice i've saved for. Since i cleared my debt i've been saving for a nice car again (i had to chop in my beautiful brand new conv when i was paying debt off). I finally bought myself a 3 year old fiesta titanium 2 months ago! Not brand new, but feels like it and i LOVE it.
It made saving for it so worthwhile. Its mine, all mine ok so its not a convertible 2 seater but i had to consider baby lol

It took me a very long time to get here. It wasnt easy, ever. But i got there. With the help of people who understand i can stay off a bet. On my own? No chance. tried and failed many times. It's not worth the risk to me anymore.

Indebted.Dunce you say you've only been off 8 weeks. Only??? Thats an amazing achievement. Did you ever think you'd be off that long? When i was gambling i couldnt stay off 8 hours let alone 8 weeks! Be proud! xx

david01010

ID.
" I am slowly beginning to realise that those were never "wins" but very short term loans from the casinos with an interest rate that makes the payday lenders / loan sharks look extremely good! "
"it cost me nothing as I would have given it to the casino anyway". You occasionally need to treat yourself, and my views are that you are better off spending money (within reason) on yourself/kids than giving it away to the casinos. "

CC.
" I can so relate to the "if i win it wont cost me anything". however, i look back now and realise if i did ever get the things i wanted i'd ended up paying for them twice or more. Once with the money i spent online and then again in the actual shop. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr "

Yes I agree, with all you said but this ^ and this ^^ makes so much sense... Plus hows about the " Monthly bonuses.. And Member bonuses... " I know they are good to some people.. But a bit dangerous to someone like me, I think.

I had enough money to buy a car ( cash ) a while ago.. Not anything new or special.. But it did look lovely.. And it would've taken all my money to get it ( only about 1000 ) but it would have been something I wanted.. Not something that was there/affordable at the time. I didn't get it because it was all I had and wanted to have some money spare just in case, and then lost the money anyway.. Twisted logic.

As for my ramble... I just know how good it would have made me feel to have bought them something nice. The ant logic can come into play here, but it would have made them smile. Which would have been lovely. And they deserve that. Then used the rest to make a start paying debts.. But had enough to have had a nice buffer every month.

Anyway.. Just wanted to get something out I think. rereading it it is a bit confusing.. But my guilt comes across quite a lot to me, maybe that was the main gist.

Two ways to go.. I'm insolvent. I.V.A / Bankruptcy.

Got appointment to disscuss I.V.A.

Hows it going Silly G? Meaning to ask but wrapped up in myself there.
Your car sounds ace CC.
I love the anty logic CK.
And ID I read about CC's baby and her new life and I had hope too!! Though I'll not be the one having all the time off with my feet up.. (JK).
The support you have had CC sounds really amazing.

Thanks guys.

Indebted.Dunce

cantcope wrote: »

Indebted.Dunce you say you've only been off 8 weeks. Only??? Thats an amazing achievement. Did you ever think you'd be off that long? When i was gambling i couldnt stay off 8 hours let alone 8 weeks! Be proud! xx

I say "only 8 weeks" cause I am a binge gambler and I could go weeks without a penny gambled and then I would hit the self destruct button.

This time though its different, I am dead serious about stopping - I can't live my life chasing my tail all the time. My friends are getting married, buying their first property, going on holidays etc, even if their lives are not on cruise control, they are at least moving forward! My life on the other hand is/was stuck in freaking reverse till now, but no more! All this is making me a bit agitated and anxious to gamble hence the rambling, the urges, the counter etc. So, the long answer to your short question is that perhaps I should be proud!

cantcope

I know a couple of binge gamblers. It took them a long while to let go of their losses but they've managed it. I think one of the guys has been off about 8 years now from anything gambling related. He now takes his mum on cruises without snatching money from her for the onboard casino!!! It like a self torture. I used to do this when i was trying to quit smoking....oh i'll only smoke at the weekend, then all week thats all i could think about

David, definitely relate to "i want some spare just in case". My gambling started when i sold my first flat at 30. I made a LOT of money as prices has boomed. I had enough to buy a brand new porsche, cash but could justify spending that amount of money on a car when i was now renting a house!!! so instead i bought a 2 seater street car luxury and a laptop................the rest is history. 14 months later, NO money, lots of debt............. should have bought the porsche.
However, its taught me a valuable lesson if nothing else. If i want something, and i can afford it (only if i can afford it), i have it. I dont have much as my husband has debts and a house with his ex gf we are trying to sell (while he pays the mortgage!!!) (shes done a runner) so i pay all of our bills on my flat, food, social etc.....but at least i can afford to I'd been saving for the car for years before i met hubby so that was MINE lol....

Life is good and while i'm not gambling will only get better even if it doesnt feel like it sometimes.

Jimby509

David I can so understand where you are comming from. My last gambling binge I started with £50, then won up to £650. I thought 'yeah I can pay off one of my debt with this, but maybe a few more hands of BJ and I can have £20 to stick petrol in the car and it will be as though it is free'. Then won more and thought 'this will pay for this months council tax'. Eventualy over the next few days got to £2000 and thought of all the things I would spend it on, clearing debt, decking for the patio etc. I even managed to withdraw it to my Bank account but then re-deposited the lot and lost it within one hour. I then used, and lost, £500 to chase the loses.

I have tried to convince myself I could deposit just £70 per week and withdraw when I made £30 extra before I started losing. It is imposible, you either lose straight away and deposit more or win a little and then lose and deposit more.

Make sure you get that perscription. Also make sure you do somthing with the extra time you have now you are no longer gambling. I had to relearn what to do with all the time I had been wasting gambling.

I like a good drink too. When I was gambling I filled our recycling bin full of empty cans each 2 weeks! But make sure you give yourself a day off once in a while. One adiction at a time! My liver is still recovering.

Make sure you post a seperate thread on debt-free-wannabe board here. Post up your debts and income and you will get some great advice on how to manage the creditors.

J

p.s. great about the baby cantcope, my wife is 6 months gone with our second baby, hope your not getting too tired.