ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

samorgo

Hi everyone,

It has finally started getting easier but the money worries are tempting me... Great poem cantcope I recognise that the urge will always be with me - soemdays stronger than others but I have to remind myself how far I have come and how much better I am without it.

I haven't been feeling very well over the past few days (run down full of cold, chesty cough and cold sore ) so I am feeling sorry for myself but I have mde my to-do list for when I'm feeling better to keep me away from gambling!

All the best to you all x

Madone13

Great post as always Can'tcope - can certainly relate to most if not all of the poem. How are things with you? Still pretty busy?

Samorgo - glad to hear that yiou're satill staying strong, I know how horrible money worries can be! Just remember that giving in to having a bet is 100% guarenteed to make them worse!

Ended up going to the gym yesterday to take my mind off things - realised how unfit I've got in the last 3 months -urgh need to shift the beer belly!! Exercise always a good way to unqind for me sothat worked a treat. Rode to work today and back - was actually to warm from wearing too many layers also too lunch in so a no spend day goes some way to repairing some of the financial damage I did at the end of last week. Hopefully same again tomorrow although not looking forward to a 6.00 am start!!

GreatBear05

Guys

Am here because I have not one person in the world I can speak to, and perhaps thought someone could help me.

Until two years ago I had never done any *serious* gambling. things quickly spiralled out of control after joining a few sites for their "free bonus" offers (ha!), and I found myself losing nearly 8k by the autumn.

I confessed all to my parents who helped me out financially. Since then, I had managed to pay nearly everything back, working all hours over the last 18 months and basically living very frugally, until December last year, when for god only knows what reason I started again. Roulette mainly.

After having only lost a small amount over Christmas, I came back from the pub on Friday and lost 2k in a matter of minutes, literally maybe two minutes.

I feel absolutely disgusted and ashamed. Losing that much money so quickly is one thing, but having sworn on my life to my family that I wouldn't go near a casino again, I just feel like I have let everyone down so badly. I don't know why I started again, its like I'd forgotten how bad this feels, and how I felt when I said I'd never go back there.

I feel like I really need to speak to someone but I know I can't speak to my family they'd disown me. And worst is this feeling that I can't shake that I just need to go and win the money back. I'm putting a lock on my computer but I'm worried that if I have a drink again I'll get around it somehow. Would really like to speak to my family but I just can't, I feel awful having sworn to them and feel like I've jinxed myself by doing this, like I'm just this awful person who nothing will be OK for because I don't deserve it. I have depression and this is just compounding things. Like my life isn't difficult enough I can't even help myself by not doing such stupid ****.

cantcope

Hi Great Bear. I hope you are feeling ok this morning. You MUST tell your parents. They will be upset and disappointed, disgusted even. However, by lying to them you are making it 10 times worse. They will eventually find out. Trust me.
Ask THEM to put the block on your computer. Once they know how badly you want to stop they will support you. If you dont tell them they dont have that choice. Without the block you WILL gamble again. Without anyone knowing, you WILL gamble again to try and win the money back so they dont find out.

If you read through this thread you'll see many of us have tried at that and failed miserably. Compulsive gambling isnt always about the money. If we wanted to make money we wouldnt gamble in the first place! It's about a need for some sort of high, or somewhere to escape. I dont know what my need was but i'm not really bothered. I just know that if i want to totally wreck the life i have now after all my hard work there is one way that i can guarantee will do it. I dont think i'll ever go back.

The only reason i feel sure of this is that i attend my meetings, i have blocks on all the laptops/pcs/ smart phones in the flat, i speak to other compulsive gamblers regularly for support, everyone around me knows (so i couldnt hide a win). Without these things i would surely do it again. As long as i keep these things present in my life i wont.

Please take some of the advice on these pages. It is here to help you IF YOU WANT IT. You can live without betting, it's how much you really want to

I hope you have a good day today x

Raindrops_&_Moonbeams

Ok, been following this thread on and off for months, now its time to join.

I have a gambling problem. Its much more serious than I thought it was and I am totally disgusted with myself. Everything everyone else says is ringing true but I don't know where to find the strength to fight this if I'm honest, there's already soooo much going on that I'm struggling with. I'm a supposedly intelligent, 31 yr old mum of 3, how did it come to this!?!

Sorry for being so negative, I've no one to talk to and driving myself a bit nuts!

cantcope

Welcome raindrops. Well done for finally posting. And well done for following the thread.
Just because you have a gambling problem doesnt automatically make you disgusting or stupid. You have an addiction. That means no control over gambling. This isnt something you consciously chose. However, you do need to consciously choose to stop.

Think of all the people in the press, celebrities, who are addicted to something. its more and more common these days. Just check into rehab and it will all be better. Unfortunately it doesnt really work like that. Proof is the amount of times they check themselves back in!

I was 31 when i decided i'd had enough of gambling. It was causing me so much misery. I had no self respect or dignity. I barely ate or slept. I lied to my parents over the phone. I was snappy at work and hiding things from my friends. This is not the person i had grown up to be or wanted to be. Thent here was the debt.

There are plenty of threads on here to help you if you are in financial trouble. This one will help with the gambling. If you stop, any debt you have already will not get worse. If you carry on, i guarantee it will.

Where do you gamble? bingo? bookies? online?
Is there a trigger? Bored? Lonely? Miserable? all three?
Does your oh know? Could you tell him? Or perhaps your parents?

Come back and post how your day has been and we'll all try and help and support you. xx

Raindrops_&_Moonbeams

Thanks for the reply. I followed a link someone posted to the gambling therapy website and have just joined up there, reading others' stories is keeping me occupied. I've read yours on here too, you must feel so proud of yourself for stopping the gambling and clearing all that debt - well done!!!

Its online, slots on bingo sites. I've closed/excluded myself from about a billion places now, pretty sure theres no where left to go even if I wanted to as of today which feels odd. All the new sites springing up are owed by one of just a few companies and as I've self excluded from others they have blocked me from joining which is good.

Probably all three triggers tbh, there has been a massive amount of stress in recent years and I think it was the escapism that I got hooked on, even though this only started last spring. There is noone I can tell but I will look at the group chats on GT as I know I need support from somewhere.

Thanks again for your reply.

Madone13

Hey raindrops, well done for posting - we're all in the same boat here in that we have a gambling addiction so no need to feel ashamed. Can you put a block on your PC? it will stop you trying to gamble in moments of weakness.

I've found that theres a huge amount to take in - especially coming to terms with the fact that this will always be with me, in fact I still don't think that that has 100% sunk in yet. But to start with I found it best to just concentrate on taking one day at a time. Just focus on getting through the day without having a bet and then repeat the next day.

GreatBear05

I really can't tell my family...it really hurt them last time, they were only supportive financially because they had to be, they didn't understand really and didn't sympathise with what had happened, just thought it was a "mistake" that has now been solved. Knowing they are upset/confused/disappointed will just add another worry to my pile.

I haven't touched anything since last Friday, and apart from a couple of seconds when I glance my computer before going to bed I don't really think about it...I really found the thread useful - I think that accepting that the money is lost and can't be won back is key. Not just that it can't be won back - because honestly there probably is a good chance that it could be, but TEMPORARILY, the way you guys spoke about the fact that even if I did win it back, I wouldn't be able to stop there, and would continue until I lost it again - and likely more besides.

Part of the desire to go back and try to win it back is the anger, anger that someone's taken something from you for nothing, and anger that you've let this happen. Once you stop being angry about the "injustice" and just accept it as a normal debt from a stupid mistake (I'm thinking about it like I've written off a car or something!), its easier to rationalise and the knowledge that its not going to get any bigger provides some comfort. Line drawn.

Only worry is that this rationalisation won't always work, like after I've had a drink and inhibitions go, that's why I know I need a blocker. Can anyone recommend one that is free? Filters I've found for free seem to be pretty easy to uninstall, but gamblock and others charge quite a bit and I'm not keen on adding to my debts unnecessarily! (But will do if I have to as I think the protection would probably be a pretty sound investment!)

Anyways, thanks a lot for your time and thanks in advance for any help on the blocking software.

cantcope

k9 is free but you'll need to either get someone else to choose a password or do it yourself by just bashing the keyboard. i use his and it never fails.
By putting it on perhaps you could tell someone that you've been feeling tempted? kbreak the ice a little xx

Trust me, your family will feel let down but i am certain once they see how upset you are they will want to support you. It's not the financial support thats important from them, its the emotional support. xx

Getting angry at having had money taken from you isnt the way i'm afraid. It wont make you feel any better and they didnt take it from you, you happily gave it to them in the hope of a big win x These sites can be lovely for people just wanting a bit of a chat and who dont get addicted. For comulsive gamblers though they are like crack cocaine. 24 hours a day. open until your money runs out.

Have a good day today. Definitely get the block put on. self exclusion doesnt work. i tried that. i soon found other sites to play on. Also call up your mobile provider and get a block put on your phone if its a smart phone x