ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

hi Samorgo, sorry nobody replied to you yesterday. I had a very rare day where i never switched the laptop on. Well done in staying away from it.
Are all the blocks on everything? If they aren't get them on your pc's and phones now so that if you feel that strongly again its not so easy to just do it. I think this week you need to accept that you cannot win. Once you've done that it will seem a little easier.
I have accepted that i cant stop when i'm winning (which is what you wanted to do) and i cant stop when i'm losing (which is what got you to this place). In other words i just cant stop.
I have to accept that i lost over 3 years salary gambling and its gone. I cant get it back so i had to move on. I'd be lying if i said i didnt think about that loss now and again but i am working to make sure i have the life i could have had if i hadnt gambled. It's not a fast road. I'm still in a smaller property than i was when i was gambling but its one i love and one i can afford. My mortgage is going down and i have enough money in the bank to pay my bills for 3 months should i lose my job.
My husband and i are saving a deposit for a house and we''' get there in our own time.

Accept that even if you won £55k you would have gambledf some of it by the time it was withdrawn to pay off your debt. I "won" my losses hundreds of times. I soon put it all back though. I'm addicted. End of. I cant win so there's no point.

Madone13

Hi Samorgo, hope things are still going well and you're staying strong. As someone who has recently got back on the wagon after falling off I know exactly how you feel and how strong the urges can be. But things get better, and after a while its not something you think about nearly as much.

Walked past the bookies near my parents house and thought "wouldn't it be nice to have a flutter on the horses" but remembered that its got to be 100% no gambling. There are times when I still think wouldn't it be nice to have the odd bet on the horses or play a bit of poker, but I know this is a slipperly slope. In fact when I was gambling I could happily spend a couple of hours having £2 on a few horse races or play poker for $0.05 stakes (in fact I can play cash poker at low stakes well enough to win a few dollars). This would be money I could afford to loose. The issue is that in a bookies I would start playing on one of the machines and quickly have stuck a roll of £20 notes into the machine - this is money I can't afford to loose. Or online I'd have logged into a casino and would be playing for sometimes really really stupid stakes. And even when I was up I'd want to win more and more and never be happy till I'd lost it all. I now recognise that it has to be absolutely no gambling whatsover, not even £1 on the grand national when it comes around.

Incidently its been just over a month since I had my last bet and already I feel much happier - I don't spend my life obessing over when I'm going to have my next bet. For example today all I want to do is get a Sunday paper enjoy a couple of cups of coffee and chill out. Unfortunately I need to get a few hours work done but a least I know that I'll get it done rather than spend the day gambling and then stressing out on Monday when I haven't done it.

samorgo

Hi guys thanks so much for your support and encouragement. I'm starting to feel a bit better and learning to accept that I can't/won't ever gamble again.

I know there are so many can'ts -can't stop, can't afford to loose, can't gamble but I just keep telling myself that I can win against this addiction and I can live a happier life without it...

I'm off to counseling this afternoon and I'm going to be brave and confess - although I'm nervous I recognize that I'll only get better if I'm honest (especially being honest with myself).

Thanks once again x

Oh_Dear

Hi Sam, I havn't been online for a few days so havnt had time to post.

Counselling can be a great help, but you have to be 100% honest during the session; both with yourself and the counsellor. Well done on getting through the weekend.

Will try and post a proper reply tonight.

All the best.

Geordie.

samorgo

I've been gamble free for several days now and it is definitely getting easier. I've accepted my life is a gamble free zone and although money will be tight for a while my debts won't get any worse through my actions...
The counseling went well today - I recognize this slip up as a lesson which I needed to learn - I can never gamble again...
While I still hate myself for what I've done I also recognize that I need to learn to find peace with myself and move on with positivity otherwise il always be stuck wanting to gamble in order to solve this problem - which obviously isn't an option...
Thanks all once again for your support I'm so grateful that youre here to listen. Whilst I don't expect any replies its nice to be able to express myself and to receive some feedback.
Have good night and il be back soon (now on nights) - it'll soon be a week since my last bet
Take care and thanks x

cantcope

Hi Samorgo

I'm glad the counselling went well. They are right in saying you need to find peace and move on. You made a terrible mistake. It's done, you cant change it but you can change your future. Put it behind you and concentrate on making a better life for you. Once you forgive yourself its much easier. There is nothing i can do about what i did. I can and have, however, changed my future.

Please come and post on here even if you are on nights. You maynot get a response straight away but who knows? There might be someone else on nights desperate to talk xx

samorgo

Hi everyone,

Feeling really positive today ...

I was thinking that Feb was going to be a really tough month as I had wasted so much money this month and I thought I'd have no spare money at all by the end of Feb which did worry me as I thought it might tempt me to find a way to gamble to try and get the money back but luckily when I got paid today I was paid £160 more than I expected (it is right - just havin done no extra overtime for the first time in ages I thought my flat rate was less than it is). This seems like a reward for having given up the gambling - in the past I would have viewed it as £160 that I could afford to lose but this month I see it as £160 that I can use in a way more appropriate to the type of life I want to live...

Having been paid I really do believe that gambling is behind me - I will never gamble again and I'm ok with that (for probably the first time ever).

Whilst stopping gambling has to be complete abstinence for me I recognise that the 'all or nothing' perfectionism that I try to apply to the rest of my life has done me no good - it's just made me feel like a failure - so I am learning to make small steps and they are having an effect - my confidence and self esteem is growing day by day and I am proud of everything I have achieved in the last week.

Thanks once again for all of your support x

cantcope

Great positive post Keep it up x

Madone13

Evening all, hope everyone has had a good day. Things still going strong for me and still no gambling

Had a really productive evening and generally feeling pretty good about life - have been working like a dog for the last 3 weeks but have strangely been enjoying it. I feel as though I've got so much more purpose.

Samorgo sounds like you've made a great start, just remember one day at a time!

emmah89

I have just admitted I have a problem. I have managed to get myself into gambling debt after taking out 5 payday loans and now after this month, my wages went in on friday and due to payment arrangements and my gambling, ive nothing left. nothing to live on. no money to get to work, no money to pay my bills. i feel awful. but have now spoken to both gamcare and GA and going to attend a meeting on Tuesday night. I reckon I have about £5000 of debt altogether and thats a lot to me. i have creditors ringing me about why i havent paid and im too scared to answer the phone anymore.