ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Nice posts everyone. I only self excluded from one site then put a block on. it would have been too tempting to keep going on the sites to self exclude myself. As long as i always have the block on i know its a barrier. If i ever didnt want it on enough people know that this would be a MASSIVE warning bell and they would be questioning me. That's where the support network comes in for me.

Try not to think of it long term.... just for today, everyday, should make it a bit easier... if need be, just for this morning.... i wont gamble.... then just for this afternoon.... etc

I havent found it easy. at times i've wondered why i bothered telling anyone as now i CANT gamble even if i wanted to for fear of being caught out. But i now recognise this as just a low day and remind myself of where i was. No money for food, washing my hair if someone left a magazine in the work canteen with a sachet of shampoo/conditioner free on one of the pages, not sleeping, feeling angry if someone dared phone me and interrupt me playing on the computer, being too lazy to walk up the stairs to the bathroom in case i missed something online so peed in a jug downstairs!!! disgraceful, disgusting, and all the things i was NOT brought up to be like.

I NEVER want to go back there.
I also, this far along the road realise its about changing as a person too. i was immature, wanted everything the easy way, win big play hard....now i realise that i have to WORK for what i want. like NORMAL people. i am learning to be a little more patient, humble and appreciative of what i have.

I try to recognise that I cannot change everything to suit me however much i'd like to. I'm far less selfish and am on a real journey to being the person i want to be.

Wow....long thread for this late at night. didnt want to read and run. Hope everyone has had a good a day as me.....
smashed wing mirror, late night at work, not home until 10, starving hungry........and thats a GOOD day, because you know what? nothing happened that caused me to gamble. i'm home, warm, safe, fed and ready to hit the pillow where i know i will sleep soundly,

Sweet dreams all x

samorgo

What a brilliant way to look at life CC - you are a true inspiration...

I've managed another gambling free day - I have been thinking about it (that is wanting to!) today but didn't - mainly because of the block but I didn't none the less! This is going to be a long road but I'm getting there slowly but surely...

Sleep tight x

cantcope

Doesnt matter how you made it through. I think about it now and again, why wouldnt i? for a while it was my best friend.
Fact is you got through another day without gambling and your world didnt fall apart becaquite use you didnt gamble.

It's like giving up smoking. It's 10 months tomorrow since i had a ciggy but ooooooooooooh i really fancy one sometimes, i'm just too stubborn to give in now after going this long. The difference is, i had medication to help me quit the ciggies. Unfortunately you dont get that to quit gambling. Thats why blocks, meetings if you go to them, and support on here are so important

here's to another good day. Just for today i will not gamble x

shaza1982

morning all haven't gambled for 4 days. am starting to have those familiar feelings of wanting to pop into the casino. 2 things that r helping is that i have NO money lol and have been keeping myself really busy! yesterday i painted my daughter's room & cleaned my house from top to bottom lol. the w/end will be the hardest time to deal with as my daughter goes to her dad (my ex) and therefore i have time to go after work. yesterday i told my OH some of the truth. obviously he was upset and couldn't understand it. the reason i told him was because he was talking about betting on some UFC fights coming up (he gambles like this only about 3 times a year) and i couldn't handle it. i blurted some stuff out about going to the casino and losing a lot & that i will NEVER bet on another thing again as i have a problem. i included lottery, scratch cards, bookies, casino and every other form of gambling i could lol. he seemed slightly stunned that i actually said i had a problem and he was very happy i said i wouldn't be doing any of it again. thanks for all the support and advice on here, i really appreciate it! hope u all have a fab day! x

misskaytee

Awww Shaza, well done on blurting out to you B/F :T

It may not of been planned but at least you can now be honest with him.

You may well not want to tell him the full story but you can now take the steps needed to help stop you gambling. Have you looked any further into GA meetings or self exclusion?

As much as i hate to say it to you, you will gamble again if you dont do something to stop yourself being able to go to casino

Recognising you have a problem is a big step, but its not enough to make you stop, soon has you have some money you'll talk yourself back into the casino, and so the cycle begins again.

Its one of the hardest things to admit that you can not trust yourself

I dont want to come across has a nagging cow, just don't want you to keep going through what i went through before i realised i couldn't stop myself.

samorgo

Well said misskaytee - I recognise that I can't control myself - even having hit the lowest lows I still feel tempted to give it one last go. September is going to be my first month with no gambling and I'm both excited and nervous...

Last bet 25/08/2011 - and this will be the last one ever! (thank heavens for blocks!)

Keep strong everyone - we can do this x

cantcope

Morning all.

Hope by telling your OH you feel a little better now. Younow have the decision to either tell him the WHOLE truth, or just some of it, risking him then finding out that you were still hiding the truth from him.
Take a step back and think how you would feel...... while we might not like to admit it gambling changes us as people into somoene i msot certainly didnt recognise as the person i used to be or wanted to be. Covering up, lying, hiding the truth....all the things i despise...

You are making great progress, dont give up now. Be proud of what you've acheived so far. that goes for all of us xx

misskaytee

OH is increasingly worried about his workplace quietly going under, he fixes machines in a factory, and increasingly they have been not running machines because they just dont have the orders coming in, last night they one had one machine running and tonight he is going into do a 12 shift, knowing that none of the machines will be running.

he believes its only a short matter of time before they start laying people off again he was telling me all this at 6am this morning when he got in and i had just got up!

With this on my mind, im ashamed to say this morning i have blown £40 on £5 scratch cards.

To say im gutted is an understatement, not so much about the money wasted but because i wasted it gambling, once again got the idea in my head i could win BIG and save the day, im so ashamed.
Its only been a few dayS since i was trying to advice someone here.
I feel like punching myself in the face!! im so mad with myself.

I knew what i was doing and still did it anyway :wall:

cantcope

oh Miss kaytee. You need to remember you will NEVER win. Tomorrow concentrate on looking for new exciting jobs for your OH just in case. You never know you might find a better one for him!

Remember this feeling. It's sickening. I'm off to GA tonight and i know that it will make me feel stronger just listening to stories that remind me how crap my life was when i was gambling. Don't be ashamed. Be determined xxx

froglet_2

misskaytee wrote: »

OH is increasingly worried about his workplace quietly going under, he fixes machines in a factory, and increasingly they have been not running machines because they just dont have the orders coming in, last night they one had one machine running and tonight he is going into do a 12 shift, knowing that none of the machines will be running.

he believes its only a short matter of time before they start laying people off again he was telling me all this at 6am this morning when he got in and i had just got up!

With this on my mind, im ashamed to say this morning i have blown £40 on £5 scratch cards.

To say im gutted is an understatement, not so much about the money wasted but because i wasted it gambling, once again got the idea in my head i could win BIG and save the day, im so ashamed.
Its only been a few dayS since i was trying to advice someone here.
I feel like punching myself in the face!! im so mad with myself.

I knew what i was doing and still did it anyway :wall:

Hugs MisskAytee. Will keep fingers crossed for OH's job for you both.