ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

shaza1982

Hi misskaytee and cantcope, thanks for the msgs everything u said is so right. i realise it's only me that can stop gambling. the good thing is i have a job where i can work a lot of overtime, which i know will keep me out of the casino. i live with my partner but am not prepared to tell him the truth about all of this. i know that sounds awful but i just don't feel ready. he is an amazing man who supports me in everything. i just feel like i am not strong enough to deal with not gambling as well as having relationship problems because he will find out i have being lying for months. the main problem i am stressing about at the moment is paying the bills. they will have to be paid late as i went totally crazy on the w/end at the blackjack table i am worried about my credit report as i have made late payments for a few months now. i am such a responsible person usually & clearly a good liar as not one of my friends or family would know what kind of debt i am in unless i told them. i feel totally out of control of money and i hate it. cantcope i see you managed to clear your debt in just 2 years. i think that is amazing and am wondering how you managed to do this?! tbh this morning before i posted here, i was in such a bad place. i honestly felt like i could never stop this cycle. at least now i have hope! i know it's gonna be a long hard struggle but i know i can do this!!! hope u all have a great night x

GRM

Shaza, is it worth asking to be self-excluded from the casino?

shaza1982

hi grm, yeah i think that's a good idea. am not even thinking bout casino right now but in a few days when the guilt wears off i will probably wanna go again

cantcope

Hi Shaza,

I told my parents, after my lease was up on the place i was renting i moved home. I was very lucky. It meant that other than some rent to them and £50 a week for petrol, ciggies and an occasional night out the rest of my salary (which was a lot more than it is now) came straight off my debt. I downgraded my car, sold loads of stuff on ebay and at bootsales, sold gold i no longer wore and did all the surveys online i could to make some extra money.

I realise this is not an option for some people and i was incredibly fortunate.

I will however, reiterate how important it is to tell people. You say your partner wouldnt like it because they'll know you've been lying....so why carry on lying?? by telling people you have support to help you stop.
By telling my parents it took away the ability for me to do it in secret. This was a massive help for me. if i gambled and won...what would i do with the money? i couldnt say i'd found it! so they would have known straight away. this was and still is a massive deterrent for me.

I was back on the property ladder 3 years ago, have no debt, go to GA each week, met and married my husband... Use this as a massive incentive. I told my husband within 3 weeks of meeting him so as not to get embarassed if he asked me to the casino, dogs etc... i cannot gamble, on anything. he knows that and knows it is not an option for me, and as he chooses, for him either

cantcope

Just to add, you might notice my original debt was put on in may yet last bet was october... I had paid just over 2k in that time (still renting) and blew it all in less than 20 minutes on an online casino i'd signed onto at work. I called my mum, told my boss. it was humiliating but i couldnt hide it. Back to square one. i remember how that felt. My boss put blocks on ALL pc's after that and was completely understanding.

cantcope

Sorry, keep thinking of things i should have written.

Most people think gambling is about the money. It's not. It may seem like that as we only really feel bad when we've spent it all. But rarely do people start gambling because they need more money. In fact most of us end up with less than we started with. Stop chasing losses. Once you admit you cannot win there is no point continuing.

If you cannot honestly say this isnt you then you cannot win, EVER. any "wins" are short term loans. youwill eventually give it back

"i cannot stop when i'm winning and i cannot stop when i'm losing, i just cant stop"

the only time i stopped was when i had no money left, as soon as i had available funds its the first place i spent it.

shaza1982

hi cantcope,

the last post really helps me. i started gambling when i was 18. it's always been blackjack. at first i won. a lot. i used to go in with a few hundred and walk out with almost 10000 most days. the "high" i got when i was winning was amazing. then things started to go wrong. i started losing and when i very rarely won, the "high" was not the same and like you say even when i was winning i didn't stop, until it was all gone!! i knew i had an issue at that point. when i was 20 i moved countries & didn't gamble for 7 whole years!! and then last year a friend mentioned the casino and stupidly i thought that because i hadn't gambled for 7 years i could go in for a bit of fun with £50 and all would be fine. before i knew it, there i was again, chasing the "high" of winning. that is partly why i loved gambling. it was the "high" and NOT the money. i knew i had to stop after this w/end because before i lost i had actually won a lot & gave it ALL back. i NEVER get that high anymore. i am so happy that i haven't got any further into this mess as i think i have caught it quite early. i've been here before and given up for a long time so i know i can do this. the thing that i never realised is being addicted to gambling is FOR LIFE!!! right now the thought of NEVER playing blackjack again makes me feel TERRIBLE lol but i know i can't, EVER! i am disgusted with myself because i knew all the dangers of gambling and i still did it again. you would think at 28 i would know better. clearly NOT! i have never been addicted to anything else in my life and am confused as to why i can't control the gambling! anyway, enough bout me lol i think you have done an amazing job not gambling & clearing your debt!! it has inspired me even though my situation is different! x

misskaytee

cantcope wrote: »

Sorry, keep thinking of things i should have written.

Most people think gambling is about the money. It's not. It may seem like that as we only really feel bad when we've spent it all. But rarely do people start gambling because they need more money. In fact most of us end up with less than we started with. Stop chasing losses. Once you admit you cannot win there is no point continuing.

If you cannot honestly say this isnt you then you cannot win, EVER. any "wins" are short term loans. youwill eventually give it back

"i cannot stop when i'm winning and i cannot stop when i'm losing, i just cant stop"

the only time i stopped was when i had no money left, as soon as i had available funds its the first place i spent it.

Well said CC, Yes i won money whilst gambling but could never seem to bring myself to withdraw it, winnings just became more funds to gamble with, aiming for that BIG win!

Wins are just loans with massive interest rates!!

I had to give up a very good and rewarding job when we were all issued with our own company laptops, i was too embrassed to admit to the company that i needed to have some sort of gam block on it, i ended up gambling with money in my business account, not a massive amount luckily, but the only way i could put an end to it i felt at the time was to resign

So shaza, have you got a plan to quit yet?

samorgo

Morning all!

You have all raised really good points - the highs, the lows, the wins, the losses - they are all part of the big addiction that is gambling and we all need to learn to live our lives without it.

I hope you do self exclude shaza - I have from all of the online sites I used and I put a block in place. I look at those as physical barriers to stop me gambling which help me as I continue to build the mental barriers I need to never do it again. I always thought that maybe in the future I could just gamble for fun but having read about the experiences of people like yourself I now realise this is for life and that I have to stay away for good. CC says one gamble is all it will take to fall back into the hell of the addiction and I now truely believe it so 25/08/2011 was the last bet I will ever make.

I understand how hopeless it all feels to have no money - I am in a similar situation and looking forward to pay day at the end of September (yes a whole month to go) but this will be the first month where my bank statement won't show payments to online gambling sites and it is the first of many months to come! I feel I'm going to have a difficult time up until the end of the year (I'm hoping to have built up the money in my overdraft by then (rather than being maxed out all of the time)) but 2012 will be such a better year - a gamble free year in which I will tackle the debts I have created with real vigor - I hope it'll be a great time for all of you too...

Together on here we can fight the battle of this addiction. I'm grateful for all the support you have shown me and I hope to be of help to others...
Best wishes x

samorgo

Shaza - just one more quick thing...

I think self excluding whilst you're still feeling that you don't want to gamble is really important. I used to have panic attacks thinking about never gambling again but then in the absolute hellish low that I was in after my last loss I decided enough was enough and put all the blocks in place then when I had the urge to gamble again the other day (once the low had passed) I couldn't because of the block. Whilst I'd like to think that having recognised my problem I would never want to gamble again (remembering how much trouble it has caused) I have learnt the hard way that simply isn't true - I could easily blow a lot more money without even thinking about it despite not even enjoying the experience the last time I gambled...

This is a change of lifestyle which requires more than willpower - help yourself as much as you can with things like self exclusion...
I wish you all the best x