ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

If he is gambling on the computer then you will not stop him without the blocks on. This would have been told to him at his GA meetings. As soon as you can download K9 onto it. If he IS gambling he'll soon know its on there as it will stop access to ALL gambling sites if you ask it to when you load the password.
the question is..................if he's told you he isnt, how will he confront you about it without admitting that he is? sneaky i know but not as sneaky as he's being xx

samorgo

Hi all,

I'm so pleased to see that more people have joined this thread and especially pleased to see that the friends and families affected by gambling have found their voice on here too.

It's so good to hear the point of view of different people on here - to remind me that gambling isn't just about me - it'a about the effect on everyone else around me too...

I have been having counselling for a month now and thought I was getting there then my husband found out - instead of being angry he was so sympathetic that I felt even more guilty and for days after I could think of nothing else but gambling - it was if I wanted to make it better for him and I wanted to punish myself so (and I'm sooo ashamed to say it) I gambled - it was a £50 loss and I'm so pleased that I had put a limit on my deposits as I so easily would have put more on in the hope of winning big but after a nights sleep I am now focused again on beating this demon and when my husband gets back from work next week I going to ask him to put a block on the computer...

Despite my one lapse I have managed to pay a fair sum off my debt this month and having done a fair amount of overtime I should be able to pay another lump off it next month too. When I was gambling I could never imagine a life without those highs and lows but now in a life without gambling I don't understand how I lived a 'normal' life without going crazy given all those emotions that are constantly flooding your system... I can't wait to be clear of my debt through hard work and to live a life where gambling isn't in my thoughts at all...

This thread reminds me that I can overcome this problem through honesty and hard work. I know some people believe that a leopard can't change it's spots but equally good people can have flaws and make mistakes but they deserve to have a second chance to prove themselves...

Good luck to you all facing your own personal challenges,
I hope that the best outcome is possible for us all x

cantcope

Hi Samorgo.

Well done for posting. Come back and let us know once that block is on the pc. If you use K9 its free and your OH can choose the password x

samorgo

Hi everyone,

I'm back and looking for support - I know the majority of you will think I'm a complete ______ (please insert which ever word you fancy!) when you hear what I have done this time and I deserve some scathing and dergatory replies but I've finally reached rock bottom (the only thing worse is if I'd spent all my wages and was unable to pay my bills!).

Since my husband found out about my gambling I've felt so guilty so I had a little flutter online and lost making me feel worse. At that stage it wasn't too bad as I had put a limit of £50 a day on my husband's account so if I had stopped there and then I would have been ok but oh no I upped the limit and revisited all the other online bingo sites that I joined ages ago and which I haven't been on in a long time so I hadn't closed. All told I've wasted £1250 (money that was supposed to be going towards my debt)...

I feel so disguisted with myself but I think this is the outcome I was looking for...

In total disbelieve at what I have come to (I feel like a drug addict who was looking for a score) I have self excluded myself from all those sites (even the scratchcards on the lottery site) and I've installed K9 - I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner - I have created a completely random password by just bashing on the keyboard. I've written it down and locked it in one of those can money pots (that I'll have to open with a tin opener). And because it's a jumble of letters and numbers I have no idea what it is...

I feel better that I'll no longer be able to access gambling and a week ago the thought of never gambling again made me anxious but now I feel calm that it's gone because I'm actually scared at what I've become and how far I could have gone (if I hadn't put a £1000 per 24hr limit on the site I would have spent every penny in the bank trying to win it back). I might have lost the savings I had put aside to pay off the debt and I'm gutted and disappointed in myself (yet again) but I still have money to pay my bills and I know now that it will never happen again...

The counsellor had said that I needed to put a block on as I would gamble again but I didn't think I would - I'd told myself that I was strong enough never to be tempted again and that it was behind me but having frightened myself last night I've done absolutely everything I can think of to prevent myself from falling into the trap again. Any online gamblers out there who are serious about stopping it is true that you HAVE TO put a block on your computer (I was one who'd read this thread and thought I can do it without a block but I've found out the hard way that I can't).

So once again this is day 1 of a new life - and I feel different this time (I think deep down I always thought that I would win some money back at some point in the future but now I'm determined that any money paid back will be earned not won). I will be posting here in the coming days, weeks and months to say how good life is without gambling...

Good luck everyone on your own paths towards a gamble free life - I know that it's not easy but we can do this (one day at a time hey?!)!!
Best wishes xxx

samorgo

PS - I know why I hadn't thought about installing K9 with a random password earlier - because I didn't want to block those sites that fed my addiction. I used to get really anxious thinking I would never gamble again but I feel so much better having put all these methods in place to stop me from gambling again... I hope this feeling lasts but I'm thinking the next few weeks won't be easy...

misskaytee

(((HUGS))) Samorgo, i feel your pain love!, been there myself
I remember once when i was gambling, our internet connection went off for no reason, i ended up taking the back off the computer tower and started fiddling about with bits and pieces desperate to get it working again, i dont know why! i know absolutly nothing about the workings of a PC I was just desperate, like a druggy trying to get a fix!

Are you going to tell your Hubby?

My OH didnt like me gambling, but never really had a go at me, sometimes i wonder if him being so tolerant & calm when i lapsed yet again, actually made it worse?... i dont know if thats come out right :cool:

Well done on putting the block on, but i would get that piece of paper out the house and out of reach.


Take care x

samorgo

Thank you so much misskaytee - I was hoping that someone who really understood would reply. Trying to get a fix is exactly how I felt - what a terrible situation to be in and that was what scared me. I never appreciated how much of an addiction gambling is - I thought it was about chasing the losses but it now seems so much more than that...

I'm debating whether to tell my husband or not -I think the reason I felt so desperate to gamble again after he found out is because he was so calm, supportive and 'understanding' (I don't think anyone who hasn't been through it can really understand - to be honest I don't think I even understand it myself and I'm in the middle of this mess) - I wanted to punish myself and to be honest if there hadn't been a deposit limit in place and had I not self excluded myself from my own account I would have spent every penny in the bank trying to make myself feel bad and hoping that I would win so that I would feel better...

It's now going to be yet another month dreading the last few weeks when I'll have no money left but my aim is to have as many NSDs as possible and hopefully if I can survive this month then everything should be on the up... My new aim is to pay back the overdraft and one loan back by Christmas so I need to keep that in mind if I start to struggle. I have the physical blocks on the computer (between k9 and self exclusions) and now I need to make mental blocks in my head to stop me wanting to gamble... At the moment I feel as though I never want to gamble again but I know when the money is starting to get low in the bank (and the overdraft is almost maxed out again) by the end of the month I might (or should I say probably will?!) be tempted.

It's so difficult to change your life and break bad habits. I watch TV programmes where people change their lives and think it must be possible but when it doesn't work out for me (which to be fair is usually just a minor slip causing me to give up completely) I feel like such a failure which just reinforces the bad habits as I use them to try and make myself better (often through making myself feel bad it seems)... Sorry I don't mean to use this as therapy but was wondering if anyone can give me any hints and tips to try and make this a little bit easier or just to show that it can be done through small steps? I know I need to learn to be able to accept minor slips and that I can't be perfect all of the time but if I can achieve the best I can every hour of every day and that gambling is no longer part of my life that will be good enough...

I look forward to any advice and I hope that within a year I can be on here giving others advice showing that this addiction can be beaten.

Last bet - 25/08/11

I hate what I have become but look forward to being what I will be.

maxco

I've been reading the past few pages with interest. Samorgo, I'm sure that everyone who has contributed to this forum can sympathise with you because we've all been through something similar. Look at each day as a test. It's so difficult and people around you might not understand quite how difficult gambling addiction can be to control. It's often misunderstood.

Relapsing is perfectly normal for gambling addicts. The analogy you made earlier to drug addiction is a perfect one because all addictions have very similar characteristics. As gambling addicts, we crave that next "fix", whether it's a spin of the roulette wheel, bingo, a bet on sports, it's all the same and it never ends well.

The reason why you continue to find yourself back at the gambling sites is because you've experienced that winning feeling before and you know that it's possible to experience that again. But, you also know that it will most likely end in disaster with you being in a worse situation that you were already in. If you ever feel the need to have a "fix" again, just re-read your last few comments on this forum. It just cannot work in the long term.

I was hoping to put up a link that helped me understand gambling addiction a bit better, but it won't allow me as I'm a "new" poster, but if you search "Michael Souza - psychology of gambling" into Youtube, you'll get it.

samorgo

Thanks for your thoughts Maxco. I am currently listening to the Souza lecture as I type this. I'm doing everything I can to try and understand this because I'm a great believer that if you can understand why you do something then you can stop or change it. I know why non-gamblers don't understand as I didn't realise what the problem was like until I realised I had a problem. I always thought that gambling was a bit of fun - I never thought there would be a massive emotional roller coaster which would end in disaster.

Even when I had lost thousands of pounds I genuinely believed that lady luck would see me right... This sounds so stupid in hindsight but when you've lost everything you can only hope that you will win!

I absolutely agree that having won once you do believe that you can win again and that if you keep gambling eventually the odds must be in your favour and you will win it all back. I suppose if I had continued to gamble I would have constantly been seeking the thrill of the big win - always seeking that fix... I need to keep my rational head on and remind myself the only people who profit are the gambling companies and that it will only make my life worse.

Thanks for the link Maxco it's really interesting and informative. I know that this change of lifestyle needs a big dose of will power but I'm trying to arm myself mentally and physically to fight this battle.

To anyone who's lurking - please join in... I feel like a lone voice but I'm sure there are plenty more like me watching this thread - please come and join in - I find that being able to express myself in a semi-anonymous way really helps. Not having to face people but be able to talk about how your feeling helps. The support that we can offer each other helps. Thank you to everyone who contributes.

Day one done - this is a gamble free zone!

Take care and thanks all x

cantcope

Hi Samorgo

I am so pleased you have FINALLY put the block on your PC. However, while the password is in a tin it is a danger. In a moment of weakness you WILL open that tin. Give it to someone else. dont tell them whats in it, just that they need to keep it safe and not give it to you. I dont understand why you wrote it down? For what reason? have a wild guess xx

Day one done is brilliant. Personally i dont need to understand why i did it, it is of no benefit to me. All i need to know is that if i do it again my life and all the hard work i've put into over the last 5 years will be ruined. That's enough to keep me off. However, we are all different and i accept that.
Unfortunately I dont accept that the block will help you while you know where the "unblock" is.

Have a good bet free day everyone x