ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Hi Samorgo

I personally think hiding it from your husband is asking for trouble. But thats only my opinion. You dont have to face it. leave him a note, send him a text, leave a bank statement on the table. Anything to make it easier. To keep this marriage you will have to tell him eventually. I think a few posters have left this page open on the computer for a couple of days...........
I hope today is better than yesterday for you. One day at a time. Is the block on your computer yet?

Hamsterwheel

Hey Samorgo, well done on posting here. I hope like me, that you've felt a great deal of tension release just by doing so. I think its great that you've been able to confide in your sister and it'll give you an emergency contact, if you find yourself slipping again. As for me - well, i did not tell my OH or anyone else. I was determined to overcome this addiction anonymously. Coward or stubborn? - i really don't know

So far, so good but there have been times when its been v awkward - the grand national for example when my mum and OH both asked me to put bets on their horses. I've been able to side step these rare moments to date and will hope to continue in the same fashion. Im sure my OH would understand if I told her but I'm determined to get out of this mess on my own. She is a very forgiving sort of person and I truely believe that involving her may make me feel less guilty about what i've done and that'll only make me think i can perhaps start again at a low level, esp when i'm feeling vulnerable.

My shame has carried me over the past 8 months and i expect the scars to remain a lifetime but i am determined that its me that has to deal with this. I'll be even more determined now that i've typed this as i don't want to be proved wrong So in answer to your original question - Yes, there are some of us who have kept it secret whilst attempting to deal with the addiction. I'd agree with CC that most people would find it alot easier once they've confessed to friends and family but i guess it really boils down to the type of person you are.

Best of luck in your fight, get over the initial fortnight and maybe like me things will start to get noticably easier.

riquelme

hello peeps.

samorgo, deal with it in your own way. you'll tell who you want to tell in your own time. there's no right way to do it. one thing for sure is that its good to have some close support.

CC - great stuff on getting married. your pics look great big big x and best wishes to you and your lucky fella

george - you big wuss - man up - youve faced tougher things

big day for me, went to the races and didnt gamble, got myself a new lady and been truthful about my past. things do get better in time
stay strong people x

samorgo

Oh thanks everyone for your kind words and advice.

Yesterday was tough because Friday is when the matched deposits start for the week but I kept thinking - I can't control it so don't start... (I have closed my account but can't put a block on as I don't have anyone to set a password as my sister is 300miles away). Anyhows I made it through the day without gambling and hope that now I'm over that big hump and am ready to face the other smaller bumps along the way to getting my life back on track.

This was only reinforced by the feeling I had when I woke this morning in a terrible state having dreamt that I had been online and put money on and lost it all and wasn't able to pay my bills for the month - I was so relieved that it was only a nightmare when I woke up especially having checked my bank account to make sure it was just a dream and found that yes I still should have £500 left in my account at the end of the month to pay off my debts!

Like you hamster I feel that I want to get myself out of my own mess - I created all this debt so I'll clear it all (although it may take time) but even after only 3 days without a bet I'm starting to feel much better already...

Have a good weekend everyone x

cantcope

Hi Samorgo

sounds like you are doing well. there are other blocks you can use that dont need a password but have a relatively small charge, especially compared to a daily bet!
gamblock is a good one. x

cantcope

Thanks Riq, glad to hear you are doing so well.... new lady eh?

cantcope

bump.... how's everyone doing this week?

misskaytee

cantcope wrote: »

bump.... how's everyone doing this week?

:wave: Doing Great Thanks!!

Busy trying to keep to teens entertained in the holidays! :cool:

Hope everyone else is staying strong

almostthere1984

Hi everyone,

I've been reading this thread from start to finish and decided I'd tell my story. I'm not going to go into my wins and losses etc as I don't feel that will help me, but anyway..

I started gambling like many people simply by introduction through a friend, won some money in a casino about 6-7 years ago, and just started 'popping in' from time to time, with friends and gradually then on my own. I was only playing with the money I had so at the time didn't run up any debt, however I don't think I was aware that I was addicted. It was back in the days when you could smoke in casinos so would be quite content on my own for an evening playing the slots (my weakness). Was in a job I didn't enjoy, one night won a large some and booked a ticket to the USA to go backpacking. Had a great time there, met a lovely girl who is now my wife and living with me in the UK. Pretty much stopped gambling as I had moved to a new city in the UK which believe it or not had no casinos. Everything seemed fine and yet somehow I discovered bookies, only played small amounts on the FOBTs and it just progressed from there into larger amounts and then onto the online casinos.

At this point I'd become truely addicted and spent large amounts of time and money both online and on the high street. My relationship took a nose dive and I hadn't told my wife anything about it. My moods were totally dependent on my gambling, when I won I was over the moon and would spend the money on my wife and then usually gamble back the rest. When I lost, I had one goal only and that was to win it back. This pattern went on for a couple of years. I'd installed gamblock on numerous occasions, yet wiped my pc to get rid of it. I even told my wife I was gambling (she knew I did it from time to time), gave her my debit cards etc but somehow always found a way to do it. I always thought I could deal with it, and I'd have a week here or there where I didn't gamble, but I seemed to end up back at it. I don't think my wife knew the extent of my addiction, probably because us compulsive gamblers have the ability to become very very sneaky and good liars! I had spent probably around 30k in a mixture of savings, credit cards and loans etc. About a year and a half ago, I moved back to my home town in the North West with my wife (only just btw) and I saw this as a fresh. Sadly that was not the case and I was back in the bookies (though I'd stuck with gamblock) and eventually my wife found some receipts and told my parents. Obviously we had a long conversation and our marriage was severely rocky, but I ended up going to Gamcare for around 8 months every week and I can only shout their praises. I had a great counsellor who understood me. I was still at times gambling but not as much and gradually through counselling, a strict wife managing my finances and parents checking up on me, I managed to get through the worst of it. I'm not over it by any means, I don't know if gambling is ever something you get over entirely, but what I achieved through the counselling is to change my outlook on life, and realise that nothing good became of gambling. I've had occasional relapses, but I've noticed that I don't think about gambling afterwards or most of the time. I managed to find other ways of entertaining myself in my life, and I am slowly starting to enjoy life again.

Gambling totally destroyed me as a person, it killed off my ability to enjoy anything and I lost my sense of reasoning. Like others on here, I became horribly tight when it came to money for everyday things, but would spend up to £1000 a day without hesitation. I lied to friends and family, I borrowed money from family and gambled it away within hours, I had a lovely car which I had to sell to pay off a loan and gambled the money away. My wife has only started to trust me again and my family are always suspicious. The one thing I will say that has saved me, is that my credit rating was ruined by loans/credit cards etc, and now I'm unable to obtain credit, something which I'm thankful for. The credit I have is my own money that I've earnt and I'd rather go without than borrow anymore.

Anyway thanks for reading and apologies if it seems a bit of a ramble. Good luck to everyone else trying to fight this demon, at least you've realised you have a problem and even if the only thing you are doing is posting on here, you're moving in the right direction! :j

cantcope

Hi almostthere. Thanks for posting. Always great to read someone elses story, especially when it is one of achievement and continued commitment to not gamble x