ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Morning all.

Samorgo, I cant think of a single person who has told their loved ones and not initially got the support they needed. It's usually when you lie to them AGAIN that they are disappointed/angry/hurt.
Hope it goes ok x

samorgo

Hi all,

thanks so much for the support. I really don't feel I deserve it especially having fritted away another £750 this morning (in the vain hope of winning £5k so that I wouldn't have to tell anyone about the trouble I have got myself into)...

However I now feel doubly rubbish but have closed my account with the online site, deleted all traces of the site on my computer and have texted my sister asking if I can talk to her in confidence alone today. I feel really anxious about talking to her but equally I am relieved that I have finally realised my problem and hope that there can be a clean start for me out there...

I am so sorry to all those that I have let down - I now realise that I have been in denial about my issues thinking that I was in control - what an idiot! When I look at how much money I have wasted this year it makes me feel sick but I'm determined to pay every penny back through hard work...

I hope that in the next few weeks and months I will be able to come on here telling you all how good it feels not to be hooked to the online gambling site waiting for my next bit of luck so I can give it all back plus more besides to them.

I just hope that my sister will be understanding - I feel as though I have let everyone down but also hope that having been completely honest with someone for once I might feel much better.

Thanks once again x

samorgo

Update!

I've been searching for help online and got in contact with GamCare. Their online counselling was brill and it helped me explore a lot of my issues. I then booked a face to face meeting with a Breakeven counsellor for later in the week and I have told my sister everything. She is annoyed with me but has offered to help me out.

I feel better on one hand but still feel rubbish on the other. This time I recognise how stupid I've been and this is the last time I will ever do something so stupid. Life will be so much better without gambling and I look forward to my debts reducing...

cantcope

Great news that you have told your sister, a problem shared and all that x
Time to get a BLOCK put on your computer to stop you gambling now. closing accounts only works until you open a new one. Install K9 and ask your sister to type a password in and NOT tell you.

I have heard gamcare counselling can be helpful, however, i think they condone SOME gambling. this i disagree with. you wouldnt tell an alcoholic he can only drink gin or whisky and nothing else, or a heroin addict it was ok to snort cocaine as long as they didnt do heroin.

This has to be all or nothing. Admit to yourself, as we can all see, and hopefully you can too that you have NO CONTROL over your gambling. if you really really mean it this time you will get all the support you need here and from your sister. Take yourself off to a GA meeting one evening, see if you like it, see if it helps. They are full of people like you and I. all different ages, sex, race, profession. Gambling is not prejudice, it will chew you up and spit you out broken mentally and financially

samorgo

Hi all,

I was just wondering what everyone thinks about secrets?! I told my sister all today ann the first thing she said (once she'd got over the shock) is that I should tell my husband. I know that it would be the end of my marriage but I was just wondering if there is anyone on here who has managed to get over thier addiction without telling their partner? I honestly don't believe that the outcome would be worth telling my husband what has happened - I'd rather work through my problems on my own and earn (through hard work not gambling obviously!) back the money that I have lost...

A quick run down of the day:
- worst start with a loss of £750
- search of the internet for help having realised this is rock bottom for me
- chat to gamcare advisor online
- arranged a counselling session with local gamcare counsellor
- told my sister what has happened and cried like I've never cried before
- felt both better and worse (better for having seen my problem and worse for realising just how bad it is)
- managed not to gamble despite thinking about it most of the afternoon...

Well day 0 - this won't be forgotten quickly! I'm hoping that this is the first day forward into the rest of my life and a life without gambling...

I hope I don't bore or irritate anyone but I do find this quite therapeutic and it's a place where I can be open without being judged.
Thanks for listening...

samorgo

Thanks cantcope - I hadn't seen your message before I posted my last. I agree that Gamcare does seem to advertise that they'll help to cut down or stop gambling but they do ask that you stop gambling completely to start with and I think cold turkey is the way forward for me.

I feel like a complete failure having to go to counselling but I do realise that I am out of control (even though a small part of me still says that I am only doing it to make my life better - when it quite clearly is making it much worse!). I am willing to do whatever it takes to get over this and to get my life back in order...

I have been in denial for years but now I am realy trying to do the right thing and having told my sister must suggest that I am ready to stop completely. Until now I didn't think that it would feel this way if someone told me I couldn't gamble again - I feel quite hollow but more so scared - scared of what is going to happen...

Thanks once again for your support.

samorgo

Hi CC (dont like to call you cant cope when you quite clearly can!)

I have been on the the GA website. My nearest meeting is some distance away but I think I will give it a go. I understand that there is a 12 step process and wondered if I need to go every week as I work shifts and won't be able to make it every week. I'm nervous about having to face other people but if you think it will help then I will give it a go.

Thanks once again x

cantcope

I'd recommend a meeting as often as possible but that's just me. I cant always make my meetings because of my health but then i go to one somewhere else when i can. They aren't for everyone and as a woman when i first walked in it was all men! very daunting. a few women have since joined.

My opinion re your husband: tell him (ga will tell you the same i'm afraid). if he kept something like this from you, what would you do? honestly? support him? or run a mile? if you can honestly say you'd run a mile then i suspect the marriage isnt that rosy anyway. And ditto if he did the same.

While ever you are keeping secrets you risk "being found out". Which will ALWAYS happen. may not be for 2 years, but how would he feel then about you? and your sister?

Honesty is the best policy in this case. However, it's your choice and you have to do what you think is best for you AND your husband. If you tell him he has the choice to support you or not. By not telling him you are denying yourself the opportunity of some more support and not having to lie anymore.

Regarding the cold turkey. For me i know i can NEVER gamble again. If i did the lottery, won, what would i do with the money???? say i found it? gamble it away??
Everyone around me knows about my addiction, i wont get over it, i just deal with it one day at a time.
Personally i'd like to think i'd spend a massive win wisely. However, i know chances are i'd think, sod it i have millions....and sadly i dont think they would last me very long as the stakes would just be higher. the wins bigger, the losses bigger

cant stop when i'm winning, cant stop when i'm losing. So either way, i can't win.

Hope today goes well for you x lots to think about today x

cantcope

Forgot to say. The GA site holds live chat sessions online, i think gamcare do too. So you can get a mini meeting in there if there are a few of you in the chat room x

samorgo

Hi CC,

thanks for your advice.

Today has felt quite surreal - on one hand it feels like yesterday never happened and on the other it's all still very raw but I don't feel any different in my day to day self. For example today I went to work and chatted to my friends as I always would... I haven't grown a second head... I haven't turned green and had gambler imprinted in my forehead! I don't know what I was thinking would be so different today but I take comfort in the fact that I am still relatively "normal"!

I have been thinking about what I have done today and although I am desperately ashamed I still think that I can win some of it back but I have decided, much like you CC, that I WILL NEVER gamble again. I know it's one day at a time...

Today I have booked 4 overtime shifts for next month so that's a start on paying debts back and I have looked at my finances and I have found that I can probably overpay an extra £200 off my debt (besides the minimum payments) each month out of my flat pay. If my husband is away with work I should be able to save on food and petrol too so that'll be a bit extra towards the mess that I've made. I will be using this site to make sure that I maximise my income and minimise those horrid debts!

I still can't face telling my husband at this moment - I do appreciate what you're saying CC but I really can't face it so my plan of attack is to make an indent into the debt and then tell him. If I show him that I am making a real effort (along with counselling and GA meetings) then I feel he should be more understanding and forgiving. I am keeping it from him for the sake of our marriage...

I'll mull it over the next few weeks though and who knows what might happen as I learn to be in control of my life again!
Thanks once again and I look forward to hearing other people's stories as I don't want to feel as though I'm taking over here so come on you lurkers - join in!

Sleep tight (I know I can now that I'm turning my life around!) x