This is the new me!!!

jinky67

I hope things went ok at the solicitors today

found these quotes...I thought you might like them:A

"Shut out all of your past except that which will help you weather your tomorrows"

"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret"

Sea78

jinky67 wrote: »

I hope things went ok at the solicitors today

found these quotes...I thought you might like them:A

"Shut out all of your past except that which will help you weather your tomorrows"

"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret"

Thanks - I do - have saved them May well have to do a scrapbooking page (in the future when I can even consider this part of my life!!!).

Well, the solicitor was lovely. Told me OH's insinuations about 'spousal maintenance' and such like were basically !!!!!!!!, despite me earning more than him. He outlined the conditions for a divorce, of which the only thing was unreasonable behaviour, which I now have to outline on paper, which makes me REALLY uncomfortable. I am thinking now that I might see if we can do the 2 yr separation and then no fault divorce - this would be less traumatic, and let's face it, i will NOT be getting married again, and if I ever were to, it would NOT be in the next 2 yrs or I'd need my head examining. We can sort all financial and children issues before then of course. Will talk to the solicitor about that again. The solicitor thinks I'm being a little soft about it all - thinks I could be much harsher, but that just isn't me and so I'll get OH his £21,300 for the work loan and hopefully then it can be a clean financial break - I'll still have the debt in my sig, but it's doable. Isn't it? I also have changed things slightly in that I have decided to go for the children being with me for the majority of the time, as I truely do believe that they would be better off with me. I've thought about whether this is me just being selfish, or what, but I really don't think it is. Please do tell me if you think it is!

Anyway, lots to do and think about - got to give the sol all financial details -HAH!! That'll be interesting, eh?!!:eek: Take him a while to go through anyway. Not surewhere i'll get the money for the legal fees, but no doubt i'll get it somehow.

Hope all are well. Nice and sunny here so off out with the kids in a min.

Sea xxxxx

jinky67

I think you are right to have the kids TBH.
When me and the ex split up ( nothing like your situation) we agreed that I had custody and he had DS at the weekend. 13 years later it still works.
I would suggest bearing in mind OH's problem that you dont allow overnights for the first wee while to make sure he keeps his side of the bargain.
I also believe you owe him NOTHING..but if it makes you feel better that is your decision.
I left with nothing because I couldnt afford to stay in the house myself,and I wouldnt have expected ex to sell the house to pay me off

hypno06

Well, that sounds positive.

And yes it IS possible. You know it is!

And you also know that having the children with you the majority of the time is the right thing.

It might be uncomfortable going for "unreasonable behaviour" but what court would, in all honesty, go against the things that you have outlined on here. It might be uncomfortable for a while, but it will be a shorter time than 2 years, surely?

Legal fees - how much do you need......set yourself a challenge

boredofbeingathome

Glad it all went ok for you, and hope you are having a good time with the children this afternoon.

Plus i agree with what Hypno said.. easier i think on all of you emotionally.

Karmacat

Glad you're out in the sun, Sea. I'm with the other posters on here - unreasonable behaviour might sound an awful phrase, but thats exactly what's been happening. Please wait a bit before making irrevocable decisions that in three months time you will regret as not standing up for your needs. Give yourself some breathing space - like you're doing now, in a way, good weather so you're off out with the littlies, thats being a good mum.

And about the kids - in my book, children need to have some certainty, and that means knowing where their centre is, where *home* is. I think they have to be at one place more than another - and 99% of the time, thats the mother, like in your case. To my mind, anything else is political justifications. Of *course* they need contact with their dad too, of course they do, but they need a base too. With you.

Seaxwyn

Well done Sea. I completely agree with everything Karmacat said above.

Karmacat

Thanks Seaxwyn - I was worried typing that, seeing as I don't actually *have* kids myself - but if *one* other poster who's a mother, and who I respect, agrees with me, then I'm happy! Sorry for the hijack, Sea.

taxi73

Hi Sea..glad you've been to the solicitors.Your OH has been unreasonable for a long time so I can't see any problem with putting it in the divorce personally as it's the truth afterall.
I totally agree that you should have the kids as let's face it drinking and kids doesn't mix well.
Do you honestly feel that you need to pay the £21300 loan to his work?....after all with all the other debt in the DMP you'll be paying all that so why should you be paying him all that money?...
Sounds like he's going to walk away with plenty and that you are left with all the debt..how is that right?..why struggle if you don't have to?
Take care xx

vandanfc

Hi Sea

Sounds like you had a positive meeting with the Solicitor.

I too don't think that you are being selfish wanting the children all the time. I think from what you have described that is the best place for them.

What exactly are you going to end paying out to you OH is it just the work loan or are you buying out his equity in the house too ?

I understand that you would like a clean break, but leaving yourself short and potentially struggling is not worth it surely, especially if you want to go down the 2 year route for the divorce.

You can raise the legal fees, you need to put a plan together.

Enjoy the sunshine, its very wet up here today.