Housing for pregnant 17 year old

SingleSue

Getting a good education, marrying at the 'right' time and having a work ethic does not always mean to say you are going to be ok in later years, just the same as saying that 17 year old pregnant girls with a non working father have no hope of surviving together or ever being able to be worthwhile members of society.

As an example

I left school with good qualifications and worked my way up to manager level by age 22.

I married at 20 to the person who I had been seeing since I was 17

Our first son was not born until I was 23.

Unfortunately, my OH decided after many many years together that the grass was greener (or the rewards sweeter) in my best friends underwear!

So at 35 (nearly 36) I found myself unable to work due to care commitments to 2 disabled children (I have 3 children in total) and a single parent thus claiming benefits.

Not exactly what I had in mind after so many years of building a career up.

My parents however met when my mum was 15, she got pregnant at 17 (my dad was 19) and very hastily got married. After their wedding, my parents went to live with my maternal nan and my dad got a job...any job, doing various things and seeing the shadier things in the London market scene (although he did not take part in any of them)

Fast forward nearly 50 years, they are still together, my father has retired from a very long and rewarding career, has a good pension and they own their own home.

Good luck OP in finding your way through this very stressful time.

Snooze

It's clear from everything the old man has said about them that they've planned this right from the start :

1. Get bird up the duff so that
2. we get a free house off council with
3. no council tax to pay because
4. I can sit on my !!!! all day and sponge money from all those people that actually work for a living and pay taxes, which is more than I'd get if I had a job of my own

He's milking the system just like all the other lazy !!!!!! do.

He's got no intention of ever getting a job and even if he did get one to keep the peace I bet he wouldn't stick it more than 2 mins.

They simply haven't got a clue. That kid is toast and so are they.

Rob

SingleSue

He's milking the system just like all the other lazy !!!!!! do

And who may all the other lazy !!!!!! be?

briona

Snooze wrote: »

It's clear from everything the old man has said about them that they've planned this right from the start :

1. Get bird up the duff so that
2. we get a free house off council with
3. no council tax to pay because
4. I can sit on my !!!! all day and sponge money from all those people that actually work for a living and pay taxes, which is more than I'd get if I had a job of my own

He's milking the system just like all the other lazy !!!!!! do.

He's got no intention of ever getting a job and even if he did get one to keep the peace I bet he wouldn't stick it more than 2 mins.

They simply haven't got a clue. That kid is toast and so are they.

Rob

Well we can all make assumptions can't we? And it's clear to me from all your posts that you're nothing but a nasty troll, trying to wind people up with your crass language ("old man", "bird", "up the duff" – well you got an education, didn't you?!) and frankly distasteful suggestion that they "get shot of it". I'm not anti-abortion by any means, but I don't think you should just rush out there and 'erase' mistakes because the timing's not right.

My guess is that at 17 and 21 they did NOT intend to get pregnant but these things happen; that they are probably both scared and confused right now; that they believe marriage to be the best option; that they want to be a family as what's done is done and this is the best way they can see of moving forward. And what's wrong with that? No doubt people like you would have a lot more to say if the father scarpered and left the girl to it!

If you have no useful contribution to make, perhaps you should take your unwanted bias elsewhere?

Lokolo

briona wrote: »

Well we can all make assumptions can't we? And it's clear to me from all your posts that you're nothing but a nasty troll, trying to wind people up with your crass language ("old man", "bird", "up the duff" – well you got an education, didn't you?!) and frankly distasteful suggestion that they "get shot of it". I'm not anti-abortion by any means, but I don't think you should just rush out there and 'erase' mistakes because the timing's not right.

My guess is that at 17 and 21 they did NOT intend to get pregnant but these things happen; that they are probably both scared and confused right now; that they believe marriage to be the best option; that they want to be a family as what's done is done and this is the best way they can see of moving forward. And what's wrong with that? No doubt people like you would have a lot more to say if the father scarpered and left the girl to it!

If you have no useful contribution to make, perhaps you should take your unwanted bias elsewhere?

Lets be honest about this, if the bloke really had any intention by now he would have a job.

A stutter isn't going to stop a 21 year old getting a minimum wage rate (which is actually £5.52 for 21 year olds, not the £4 something stated earlier) at McDonalds or Greggs or something.

Could always apply to local hotel for a cleaning job or whatever.

And after all that, if there really was a big problem there always abortion, which I, have a strong opinion against, but its still the fact they could have had one.

bubblesmoney

the prospective SIL has made it clear to his prospective FIL that he is better off on benefits than working a minimum wage job.

it isnt rocket science is it. this chap has just GCSE, 6m unemployed, no experience, does not want minimum wage job. the stutter is the least of his problems. his problem is his attitude and quite a few other even outside his family on this board seem to be condoning the 'oh he is better off if he doesnt work as he would get almost the same on benefit' line.

get unemployment and hosuing and other tax benefits, dont work, get a girl pregnant with the intention of getting a house, get more benefits and not work because he cant find anythuing suitable. the writing is on the wall. the only people stuffed are the tax payers, it is jerks like this who milk the system.

benefits are supposed to help people in distress with no way out like singlesue who get stuch between a rock and a hard place. benefits are not meant for scroungers who milk the system like this 21y old jerk. hope the recently proposed changes to the benefits system comes sooner rather than later, this will take the 'voluntarily unemployed' like this jerk who will be put on litter picking duties and the like if they fail to get work on their own.

i have earlier today given the link to the jobcentre in thier area (lincolnshire) and after doing a search for jobs found more than 100 advertisements, many of which was for unskilled work and also for some apprenticeships at minimum or slightly above minimum wage but from the looks of it he seems to have no skills or higher education but wants the wages of a rocket scientist. until he gets those wages it will tax paying jerks like us funding his life style.

anyway the milking the system party is soon going to end and honest benefit seekers are going to suffer unfortunately because of the other scroungers flooding the system. the coffers are being emptied and there wont be much left soon for anyone. pensioners will be the hardest hit as they would have contributed all their lives only to find their taxes blown by many scroungers, while pensioners get higher bills.

compulsory draft should be used to kick !!! all the young fit and healthy actively trying to be unemployed bums and teach them some values in life

briona

bubblesmoney wrote: »

the prospective SIL has made it clear to his prospective FIL that he is better off on benefits than working a minimum wage job.

it isnt rocket science is it. this chap has just GCSE, 6m unemployed, no experience, does not want minimum wage job. the stutter is the least of his problems. his problem is his attitude and quite a few other even outside his family on this board seem to be condoning the 'oh he is better off if he doesnt work as he would get almost the same on benefit' line.

get unemployment and hosuing and other tax benefits, dont work, get a girl pregnant with the intention of getting a house, get more benefits and not work because he cant find anythuing suitable. the writing is on the wall. the only people stuffed are the tax payers, it is jerks like this who milk the system.

I don't think it's that simple. The benefits system is without doubt an absolute shambles, which is probably why so many people of ALL ages (not just people in their late teens/early twenties) WOULD be better off not working. That's not the fault of this couple though, and who could blame them for wanting to exploit the fact or avail of what's out there?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a tax-payer and always have been and I know there are plenty of scroungers out there; people who see claiming what's "rightfully theirs" as a career path, but that's not to say that if you have to claim benefits at some point, you will stay on them for life. God, you only have to read some of the posts on the benefits board to see that life on benefits is not necessarily the easy option that many tax-payers would like to believe. Perhaps this couple will realise how hard life can be on limited funds or living in a horrible council flat on a vile estate? Perhaps this will inspire them to better themselves and their future? Just because the prospective father is unemployed NOW does not mean to say he'll stay that way and lumping him in with the rest of the "jerks who milks the system" is not exactly called for...

inmypocketnottheirs

Well, here's my two penneth worth! I have speed read all of this thread, and can see that the OP is trying his hardest to make the most of a difficult situation.

Something that has not been addressed is if it is the stutter that is the obstacle to getting a decent job, then what about some counselling for this? Has the lad been to see a GP for a referral to a speach therapist? If Gareth Gates/Will Young (whichever one it was they are both equally lacking in talent as far as I am concerned) overcame a serious stutter, then surely there is some hope.

OP, in your opinion, do you think he wants to work, or is he likely to be a burden for evermore? Difficult question, and possibly one you may not want to answer, but it is something that needs addressing.

Sincerely, I wish you all well and hope for a comfortable outcome.

SingleSue

I don't think it's that simple. The benefits system is without doubt an absolute shambles, which is probably why so many people of ALL ages (not just people in their late teens/early twenties) WOULD be better off not working. That's not the fault of this couple though, and who could blame them for wanting to exploit the fact or avail of what's out there?

Just had to quote that bit because it is oh so true!

I posted my 'story' above and because I am a bit of a workaholic/proud person, I have looked into what I could expect to get from working in my old employment area (if I could find someone to look after the kids while I go to work that is!) compared to benefits and staying at home.

Well, for me, it would probably work out the same or maybe I would be slightly worse off but that is certainly not putting me off applying for jobs that will fit in with my care duties (no luck yet, everyone seems to be scared off by the thought of someone who would have to drop everything and leave at the drop of a hat plus have ooddles of time off for medical appointments and therapy sessions)

I have even thought of bending the truth a little when speaking to the child care givers and not giving a complete history of one of my boys just so I could obtain childcare and go back to work but I know it would backfire on me.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that there are some out there who will sit on the dole for ever more because, in their view, it is not worth going out and actually breaking a sweat by working when they can sit at home and have most things paid for them, whilst there are others who will try anything to get back into employment even though everything is stacked against them.

For me, I just want to be seen as a good,worthwhile person in society and not the lowest of the low.

Oldernotwiser

I've read the whole thread (!) and there's been a lot of good advice offered. However, I have to say that I'm appalled at those posters who've suggested that the OP's parents should be kicked out of their granny flat, either into a couple of upstairs rooms or into sheltered accommodation! What have they done to deserve to have their lives disrupted this way and at their age?

The OP has responsibility to his parents as well as to his daughter. She's in trouble of her own making with a boyfriend who wants to live off benefits and his new inlaws, if possible. Obviously the OP needs to support his daughter emotionally and, if he can afford it,perhaps help with a rental deposit or by being a guarantor but anything else would be going too far. Why should 3 generations of this family have chaos brought into all their lives by a silly girl and her lazy no mark boyfriend? What example would this be giving to the two other children in the family? Get pregnant and ruin the lives of 2 elderly people who've done nothing wrong! I'm sure the OP has too much sense and compassion to act on these thoughtless suggestions.