Housing for pregnant 17 year old

lostinrates

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

lostinrates wrote: »

The percentage figures aren't on a per-shag basis! They are based on the number of sexually-active women using that form of contraception who get pregnant in a year.

Oh well, I like my theory .

carolt

dedward67 wrote: »

Daughter was planning on going back to college in September to try to better herself (pre-pregnancy) and at the moment, really still wants to do this. As parents we are finding this difficult. As you say, we too think he should just get of his butt and get a job and support her. We spoke to them both last night following the council interview. He claims all the factories round our way employ agencies of mainly "multi cultural" workers, so they increase/decrease staff as required. He has no special qualifications (just gcse) and can't drive and as he has a stutter, no customer service work would be any good. He claims that minimum wage jobs would actually make him worse off than the dole as he'd be responsible for paying all the rent and council tax on a private dwelling, which he couldn't afford. Apparently they've put her on the list for a young mother's house, run by a local church. Once you're in there, it's the half way house before finding you a council place (so she was told). They are still insistent they're getting married the end of October and registry office has been booked and £60 deposit paid. In theory they could start off married life with her in a young mother's house and him in his digs!

We were both v. annoyed this had happened in the first place and not the way you plan for your daughter to start out. We wanted what every parent wants, daughter to meet a guy with at least some prospects and a house of some sort, to get married and a few years later to hear the patter of tiny feet. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that!! Wife has understandably been v. down over it all, particularly seeing her/our daughter going through all the pain of pregnancy (constant morning sickness), but can't turn back the clock, so we've just got to try to deal with this the best we can!!

A baby is a wonderful blessing whatever, particularly as this one clearly has loving grandparents who will help out.

In the case of your future son-in-law, he may need extra pushing - if you've been out of work for a while, and probably also if you've got a stutter, it can be very confidence-destroying and you don't think you can work. But of course that's not the case. Having a stutter/not being able to drive doesn't matter at all for loads of jobs - factories, kitchen work, non-frontline office work etc etc etc. As well as money, he'll provide a much healthier role-model for his child.

Don't forget, once the baby's born, they'll be entitled to lots of Working Families' Tax Credits, provided he is working, which will top his pay up to a reasonable level, even if the hourly rate sounds low. Plus they could get housing benefit etc if his earnings were low, even if working. He should be better off - financially as well as personally - if in work.

LillyJ

[

quote=bubblesmoney;12965493]Last but not the least, even if she has the baby encourage her to go see the GP later and discuss options regarding injectable contraception as that works for many years (3-5years with failure rates quoted of as low as 0.05%) and it is specifically meant for people like this who are more likely to get ‘accidentally’ pregnant because they forgot to take precautions or ‘apparently the contraception failed’ excuses (see link for statistics on failure rates). The depot injection if advised by GP should prevent further ‘failures of contraception’ excuses and having another pregnancy next year. Also discuss with GP for help for counselling, including for adoption if considered appropriate option

Oh dear, what a rant that was! Just wanted to pick up this last point - please don't offer contraceptive advice when you have little grasp of it yourself. Depot (eg provera) does NOT last 3-5 years, it is implants that do.
Depot needs to be repeated every 12 weeks - and you have to make and attend the appointment (with all the issues that has with GPs how they are!).
Please please go and read up on it again, and don't offer your views on a really important life changing subject until you actually know what you are talking about.

LillyJ

carolt wrote: »

A baby is a wonderful blessing whatever, particularly as this one clearly has loving grandparents who will help out.

In the case of your future son-in-law, he may need extra pushing - if you've been out of work for a while, and probably also if you've got a stutter, it can be very confidence-destroying and you don't think you can work. But of course that's not the case. Having a stutter/not being able to drive doesn't matter at all for loads of jobs - factories, kitchen work, non-frontline office work etc etc etc. As well as money, he'll provide a much healthier role-model for his child.

Don't forget, once the baby's born, they'll be entitled to lots of Working Families' Tax Credits, provided he is working, which will top his pay up to a reasonable level, even if the hourly rate sounds low. Plus they could get housing benefit etc if his earnings were low, even if working. He should be better off - financially as well as personally - if in work.

Carol, for once in my life I agree with you!:beer:

Whereabouts in Lincs does he live? My OH's parents have recently moved not far from Boston and his Mum who used to work in an office got a job almost straight away as a domestic in the hospital, then she transferred to working in a care home as this domestic work was classed as "experience". She worked a couple of months as a carer, and now works in the outpatients department of the hospital as a health care assistant.

All that with no qualifications (mind you no stutter either), and only admin experience previously. She is also in her 40s which can make life harder if you don't have relevant experience.

Just to show that there are jobs around and her current job pays well over minumum wage (IIRC around £8ph plus shift allowances - not bad at all in my books).

Porter work in the hospital could be ideal for him, as they get paid fairly well, and can work nights, weekends etc for extra overtime/shift allowance, and they can often work 12 hour days if they want to (this is the experience of a friend of mine who started doing this before college and loved it - still there 4 years on!). It isn't "customer facing" but he will have to interact with different people, which will build up his confidence.

carolt

I agree with you frequently, LillyJ - I've agreed with everything you've said on this thread! Have no idea what your opinions are normally, I'm afraid, unlike the reverse, but you seem eminently sensible to me.

Have one on me! :beer:

dedward67

LillyJ wrote: »

Carol, for once in my life I agree with you!:beer:

Whereabouts in Lincs does he live? My OH's parents have recently moved not far from Boston and his Mum who used to work in an office got a job almost straight away as a domestic in the hospital,

Boston isn't far away (about 30 - 35 minutes by bus), so certainly porter job may be an option. It's just a case of getting out of the "dole trap" whereby he's apparently better off not working, i.e. they can get housing, council tax etc paid. As pointed out by a previous poster, once baby is born, there seems to be more benefit incentives to encourage him to work. He is pretty good at DIY as his dad (who now lives up North) was a joiner by trade and taught him bits and pieces.

It's not a situation we like, I've always worked hard since the day we were married (19 years ago) to provide for my family without having to rely on the state and clearly that's the way my wife and I see he should be going too!!

barnaby-bear

dedward67 wrote: »

Boston isn't far away (about 30 - 35 minutes by bus), so certainly porter job may be an option. It's just a case of getting out of the "dole trap" whereby he's apparently better off not working, i.e. they can get housing, council tax etc paid. As pointed out by a previous poster, once baby is born, there seems to be more benefit incentives to encourage him to work. He is pretty good at DIY as his dad (who now lives up North) was a joiner by trade and taught him bits and pieces.

It's not a situation we like, I've always worked hard since the day we were married (19 years ago) to provide for my family without having to rely on the state and clearly that's the way my wife and I see he should be going too!!

You'd kind of hope his kid not having to get teased for have a dole-dad would be and incentive... as would be getting the respect of his wife and dad-in-law....

mishmash

Hiya

Do you need to give permission for your daughter to wed? (I think you said she was 17).

Could you have a man to man with the boyfriend, tell him that you will only give permission if he has a job. Explain your families work ethic culture and that you want the best for your daughter and grandchild. Explain that while in the short term he may be better off on benefits in the long term he will be on a pathway to success and would be better able to support his family. Also exxplain that the situation has meant you and your family feel let down by him and in order to make your daughters life happier he should be trying hard to rebuild the relationship. He would gain more respect from you all if he evidenced he would do anything (working 12 hour shifts or whatever) to provide for his family.

Explain that it is hard for fathers to hand thier daughters over to another man in marriage, and that you will only do this if he proves to you he will take as good care of her and provide for her as you have. Tell him to sign on with agencies and start a saving account. Ask him to fast forward 17 years, if this child is a girl and finds herself in the same position what would he want for his daughter.

Mish

coljacks

I just wanted to say re the contraception issue, I know myself what it is like I have been on Depro, I had to go every 3 months for an injection in my bum- not nice. It also made me balloon up from a size 8/10 to a size 14/16. Because it stays in your system for so long you need to seriously think about the side affects. It can take nearly a year to leave your body properly.

I had my DD at 21 as I had a liver problem caused by pregnancy I couldn't take the normal pill. Me and my OH used condoms and one night yes it did fail. I went to the doctor to get the morning after pill and guess what yes that failed as well! My DS was born when my DD was 11 months old.

Even though it was a stuggle being pregnant and looking after a new born with OH working away alot, it did not cross my mind to get rid. This is a decision that OP DD has to make herself, I admire people like her to face up to what she has done wrong rather than the children- coz thats all they are, that are going back to the doctors to keep have abortions.

I hope you manage to get it sorted, and congratulations soon you will have a grandchild, and then the hard work begins lol

zoelouise88

catkins wrote: »

But because they have a duty to house all pregnant women or girls couples with no children stand no chance at all. I knew a couple who through circumstances could not afford their own home, either buying or renting. They were on the council waiting list for 22 years!!! They lived in disgusting B&B's and eventually the woman committed suicide. In the years they were on the waiting list one of my neighbours' 17 year old daughters got pregnant. Although they had a 4 bedroomed house with only one other child at home they told the council they were throwing her out and straight away she was given a 3 bedroomed house. How the hell can that be fair?

I don't think the council should put pregnant woman at the top of the list. I am sorry but if you have nowhere to live you should not be having a baby.

Another poster said "Because as a society we took a decision some decades ago that babies shouldn't start their lives on the streets".

Well the parents of those babies should think about that shouldn't they? Sooner or later there will be no accommodation for councils to offer. There cannot be a neverending supply of flats, houses or even B&B's can there?

I was just saying that its not all 'youngsters' that expect it, as peopel keep referring to age about thiings saying young women are getting preg and expect a house but as i said its not just young women. I totally agree with you, your neighbours daughter shouldnt have got a 3bed house-usually they would have palced her in a 1 or 2 bed.
Also as for saying if you have no where to live dont have a baby its not always that straight forward.