Housing for pregnant 17 year old

neverdespairgirl

dedward67 wrote: »

It's not a situation we like, I've always worked hard since the day we were married (19 years ago) to provide for my family without having to rely on the state and clearly that's the way my wife and I see he should be going too!!

Coudn't agree with you more - it's not just about the money, it's also about the self-respect, of working and looking after your own family financially.

moneysavinmonkey

Presumably your other children don't actually know the him very well at all.
Would be more than a little strange to have an unknown 21 year old male in your house.

I would think you younger daughter could be quite uncomfortable with that, especially at the age she is. If it is still on the cards he would move in, could you try and get everyone acquainted and on better terms. School holidays now so some family trips together perhaps?

neverdespairgirl

dedward67 wrote: »

The do have some issues with him though, mainly because he got their sister pregnant and they're seeing the outcome (constant morning sickness etc). They don't hate him but it's more of a tolerate than like!

It does take two to tango, though, it's far from all his fault (-:

Maybe they will warm to him if he gets his backside into gear and gets a job?

davsidipp

this is my point but got shouted down by mumofour for saying the lady with seven kids at the housing dept was wrong having seven kids.that was not my point the fact in my eyes is why have 7 kids if you cannot provide a home .1 or 2 can be classed as a mistake not 7.

davsidipp

sorry got that wrong mummytofour was the poster.

MrsE_2

dedward67 wrote: »

You are correct, other children don't have an issue with their sister. They were both shocked she got pregnant and thought her stupid for letting it happen, but are getting over that. The do have some issues with him though, mainly because he got their sister pregnant and they're seeing the outcome (constant morning sickness etc). They don't hate him but it's more of a tolerate than like!

Again, I really don't think its up to her brother & sister (who are still children)to sit as judge & jury on this.


IF they moved into the annex they wouldn't even be in the same house, anyway.

moneysavinmonkey

MrsE wrote: »

Again, I really don't think its up to her brother & sister (who are still children)to sit as judge & jury on this.


IF they moved into the annex they wouldn't even be in the same house, anyway.

who has said they are judge and jury???
they are allowed to have an opinion though!

From the OP's reply I don't think the annexue option is viable, unless we can help think of somewhere for the grandparents to go. Have you spoken the grandparents OP?

barnaby-bear

MrsE wrote: »

I think he said their reason for not liking him is he got their sister pregnant.

Firstly, they are NOT the parents & its not up to them.
Secondly, mistakes happen, they need to grow up & realise its not all black & white.
The 14 year old doesn't NEED her own room to study for her GCSE's plenty of kids have to share.
The young mother & her baby do need somewhere to live.

The 14 year old probably could do without a screaming baby keeping her awake, the OP has a duty to do his best for all his kids and there's going to be one hell of an unhappy 14 year old if she is forced to live with her sister's mistake, tired and ratty. I'm betting she doesn't see why her education and opportunities (and sleep) should be limited because her 'stupid' sister (as the op gave her opinion) and dole-dad can't get their act together.... very few kids have to share with an adult and a baby.

bubblesmoney

dedward67 wrote: »

Boston isn't far away (about 30 - 35 minutes by bus), so certainly porter job may be an option. It's just a case of getting out of the "dole trap" whereby he's apparently better off not working, i.e. they can get housing, council tax etc paid. As pointed out by a previous poster, once baby is born, there seems to be more benefit incentives to encourage him to work. He is pretty good at DIY as his dad (who now lives up North) was a joiner by trade and taught him bits and pieces.

It's not a situation we like, I've always worked hard since the day we were married (19 years ago) to provide for my family without having to rely on the state and clearly that's the way my wife and I see he should be going too!!

just had a look at the jobcentre website for lincolnshire and there are more than 100 job advertisements, many for low skilled jobs as well. have a look at this link . there must be a lot more available because the software would let me choose only 5 options there were many other options including the armed forces available, so if u choose them in turns and do a search am sure hundreds jobs will turn up.

but if he thinks by being on benefits he is better off like u have mentioned in ur message quoted above then nothing can help change such a chap. a stint in the armed forces might teach him some discipline, responsibilty and values in life and will help him with his bank balance. also he would get access to free training for any trades that he might be interested in and possibly other subsidies etc for further education etc. see the armed forces board on MSE for any advice, others in forces might be able to advise better. also regarding his stuttering, has he been to the gp regarding help for stuttering, they might refer him to a speech therapist which might help him get over this impediment.

beingjdc

bubblesmoney wrote: »

but if he thinks by being on benefits he is better off like u have mentioned in ur message quoted above then nothing can help change such a chap.

What if he genuinely is better off on benefits? Suppose he got a 40 hour a week job for £6 an hour and so earnt £198 a week net, £20 a week transport to get to the job leaves £178.

Now imagine he's getting £60 a week unemployment benefit, £80 a week rent paid by housing benefit, and £10 a week council tax. That's £150. So he'd be working for an extra 70p an hour.

In that scenario, staying on benefits and training for a better job in the long-term looks more tempting, doesn't it?