Housing for pregnant 17 year old

LittleMissAspie

barnaby-bear wrote: »

dole-dad

Make this his new nickname until he gets a job.

claireac

Oh goodness I thought you were writing about me 20 odd years ago!! Getting pregnant at 17 is not the end of the world. My now ex husband was on the dole and we managed to rent privately with my parents as guarantor. Got married, had baby no 2 a couple of years later. Bought house etc etc etc. Oh then got divorced as he was a controlling, violent so and so. It took 15 years to get out of that from start to finish!

Getting married at 17 does not prove your commitment to each other! In my opinion it proves the opposite, that you're too immature to actually take a step back and see that maybe the test of time, housing problems and the strain of a small baby prove that commitment. There is absolutely no social stigma attached to un-married parents these days. My daughter is 2 and we will be getting married next year, but this hasn't affected her in any way. I wasn't married to xh when ds1 was born. However because we got married before he was a year old we could have changed the birth certificate but never bothered. Maybe she's like me and has to make every mistake the hard way though!

At the end of the day I have two lovely teenagers, and now a 2 year old from my new relationship who has put the older two off doing anything stupid!

In your position I would be encouraging my daughter to go in the mums hostel. Not only will she be with others in a similar situation, but from the experience of others I know this is generally a pretty quick stepping stone to a council house/flat.

I hope everything works out for yourself and your daughter, it's a terribly hard situation to be in, but it's not the end of the world and a new baby is a blessing regardless of the situation.

bubblesmoney

LillyJ wrote: »

[

Oh dear, what a rant that was! Just wanted to pick up this last point - please don't offer contraceptive advice when you have little grasp of it yourself. Depot (eg provera) does NOT last 3-5 years, it is implants that do.
Depot needs to be repeated every 12 weeks - and you have to make and attend the appointment (with all the issues that has with GPs how they are!).
Please please go and read up on it again, and don't offer your views on a really important life changing subject until you actually know what you are talking about.

dont assume what grasp i have on the subject. and dont say things that i didnt.

this is what i said

bubblesmoney wrote: »

Last but not the least, even if she has the baby encourage her to go see the GP later and discuss options regarding injectable contraception as that works for many years (3-5years with failure rates quoted of as low as 0.05%) and it is specifically meant for people like this who are more likely to get ‘accidentally’ pregnant because they forgot to take precautions or ‘apparently the contraception failed’ excuses (see link for statistics on failure rates). The depot injection if advised by GP should prevent further ‘failures of contraception’ excuses and having another pregnancy next year. Also discuss with GP for help for counselling, including for adoption if considered appropriate option

see the part underlined in red. i just suggested going to the gp and discussing options. i was not and am not advising what method to use but suggesting there might be better options and best to discuss with GP as stressed in bold and red colour in my original post regarding this which u conveniently seem to ignore or are you colour blind too apart from limited comprehension of the written english language. what method is suitable is only for the girl to decide after discussing with her gp taking into account medical history and not for you or me or others to decide. also i have mentioned to discuss injectable options and also mentioned some published failure rates for the same. an implant and a depo are basically similar, just fancy names for a 'store' of the drug that is released slowly. very similar to any other depo of drugs. different brands have different longevity, see link in earlier post regarding failure rates etc and also about longevity. i wont go into the how it is injected / implanted or even how it is removed or how it works. and atleast some people might just know what they are discussing about:rotfl: . just because someone used the loo all their life does not mean they actually know how to build one or repair one. the same analogy applies to medicines and other stuff too in life.
i didnt need to be rude, but u started it. i wont respond to a retaliatory post as that would be a further waste of my time. i was only suggesting the option was available and to discuss with GP and you had to use ur 'knowledge' to teach someone who knows what they are actually talking about.

EDITED: apologies to lillyj. i shouldnt have snapped. but house hunting, baby due soon, pregnancy problems and worries giving me a bad headache. apologies once again for snapping, but wont edit this post as had written it earlier today.

neverdespairgirl

bubblesmoney wrote: »

neverdespairgirl do u never sleep:eek: . anytime i come on this forum, u r busy posting or thanking people here:p

I have a darling son, who sleeps far too little!

MrsE_2

dedward67 wrote: »

No, house is entirely ours. They don't pay rent but pay half the council tax, half the water rates and half the gas (electic is a separate meter). Loft conversion maybe an option, but would cost several thousand and don't have the money for that unfortunately. Also other children (14 and 12) tolerate daughter's b/f but aren't great fans so wouldn't work him living there too!

Your 17 year old is also your daughter, you shouldn't let the 12 & 14 year old force her out of the house.
They cannot dictate things.

Just think about this......
You borrow money to pay for the loft conversion, its money well spent usually.
Then you move 2 kids (12 & 14) up there, you move Gran & Grandad into their rooms & the daughter & her family into the annex?

moneysavinmonkey

MrsE wrote: »

Your 17 year old is also your daughter, you shouldn't let the 12 & 14 year old force her out of the house.
They cannot dictate things.

If I read the OP's post correctly, the 12+14 year old don't want to force out the other 17yo daughter, they just object to the 'dole dad' living there as well.
I think that it is right for the OP to put her own children's needs + wants above those of potential son-in-law. Remember the 14yo is doing GCSE's next year!

MrsE_2

moneysavinmonkey wrote: »

If I read the OP's post correctly, the 12+14 year old don't want to force out the other 17yo daughter, they just object to the 'dole dad' living there as well.
I think that it is right for the OP to put her own children's needs + wants above those of potential son-in-law. Remember the 14yo is doing GCSE's next year!

I think he said their reason for not liking him is he got their sister pregnant.

Firstly, they are NOT the parents & its not up to them.
Secondly, mistakes happen, they need to grow up & realise its not all black & white.
The 14 year old doesn't NEED her own room to study for her GCSE's plenty of kids have to share.
The young mother & her baby do need somewhere to live.

moneysavinmonkey

MrsE wrote: »

I think he said their reason for not liking him is he got their sister pregnant.

Firstly, they are NOT the parents & its not up to them.


agree it is the OP's decision but they rightly are taking into consideration all their children.


The young mother & her baby do need somewhere to live.

I haven't seen where the OP said the other children have an issue with this, just the 'dole dad'

claireac

I don't think he needs to be there at the moment! If he's not working how is he going to contribute? I'm not sure how benefits would work in that scenario.

Sounds like it would be an easy ride for him and not condusive to motivating him to get a job and start saving to support all 3 of them as a family. Surely, if they're not getting married until October, then there is a few months grace to sort this out and for him to get a job.

dedward67

moneysavinmonkey wrote: »

I haven't seen where the OP said the other children have an issue with this, just the 'dole dad'

You are correct, other children don't have an issue with their sister. They were both shocked she got pregnant and thought her stupid for letting it happen, but are getting over that. The do have some issues with him though, mainly because he got their sister pregnant and they're seeing the outcome (constant morning sickness etc). They don't hate him but it's more of a tolerate than like!