Housing for pregnant 17 year old

barnaby-bear

LillyJ wrote: »

It can be done cheaply, however, £100 buys a lot of nappies! What I am saying is for a couple on JSA it is money that may be better spent elsewhere. Although I do like the gesture of commitment it makes, it isn't an essential at this moment in time.

Hell of a lot more expensive to get a divorce :rolleyes: :rotfl:

I disagree with a it just being a gesture - we can criticise unmarried mothers and feckless absent fathers and society condemns and disapproves and making a statement (and following it up) that they are part of the mainstream and want to raise and support the kid in the "normal" way as a family unit (and hopefully eventually a job) is quite a positive thing... I imagine jobless, young, begging for accommodation, presumably with little self-confidence and not much to look forward to career/university etc... is not somewhere most parents would want their kids to be and aspiring to more than that and something to give them the dignity to defy those expectations isn't a bad thing.

LillyJ

barnaby-bear wrote: »

Hell of a lot more expensive to get a divorce :rolleyes: :rotfl:

I disagree with a it just being a gesture - we can criticise unmarried mothers and feckless absent fathers and society condemns and disapproves and making a statement (and following it up) that they are part of the mainstream and want to raise and support the kid in the "normal" way as a family unit (and hopefully eventually a job) is quite a positive thing... I imagine jobless, young, begging for accommodation, presumably with little self-confidence and not much to look forward to career/university etc... is not somewhere most parents would want their kids to be and aspiring to more than that and something to give them the dignity to defy those expectations isn't a bad thing.

Fair enough, I just don't see marriage as one of the factors that allows people in to a "normal" way of bringing up a child, but I see where you are coming from (members of my family have very similar views to the "society" you speak of).

Just to use an example (I hope she doesn't mind) neverdespairgirl is an unmarried mother living with her partner and 2 year old and we would all think of her as "mainstream" - but it is her job and standing in society that makes us think of her that way. Therefore, although I know what you mean, I do think that getting off JSA and into work is a better (and cheaper) way to go about getting respect from people.

barnaby-bear

LillyJ wrote: »

Fair enough, I just don't see marriage as one of the factors that allows people in to a "normal" way of bringing up a child, but I see where you are coming from (members of my family have very similar views to the "society" you speak of).

Just to use an example (I hope she doesn't mind) neverdespairgirl is an unmarried mother living with her partner and 2 year old and we would all think of her as "mainstream" - but it is her job and standing in society that makes us think of her that way. Therefore, although I know what you mean, I do think that getting off JSA and into work is a better (and cheaper) way to go about getting respect from people.

I agree but if it sets a level of expectation from the family/society etc that the two go hand in hand then perhaps it's not such a bad thing to try and give people expectations to live up to....

davsidipp

i am quite disgusted at some peoples posts are they for real or what.right this is my situation.daughter is 19 her boyfriend is 22 been together 3 years found out she was pregnant tried to get a place with the council not a chance and hears why they both work and we own a 4 bed detached house so they dont see why they should be offered housing.daughters wages are not to bad for her age at 18000 a year but her boyfriend earns less.still they would find it very hard to rent some where privately as most want 700 per month around here for a 1 bed flat.we have decided to let them stay with us till they get on their feet and get some money saved up.now i thought iwas in a tricky position but reading op post about his daughter i feel we are in a better position to help our daughter.please dont slate this chap as he is asking for information of what to do not critisim.i wish your daughter good luck in getting a council place but know how hard it is even if you work its not easy.on thing that shocked me is i went with daughter to register at council and while waiting to hand in forms was a woman with seven children all under 10 years old waiting to be housed im sorry but that i find wrong in this day and age to get to that position to get a home on the council.having 1 child with no proper living arrangement is a mistake but going on to have more in my eyes is mickey take and they should think of the child not expect the council to house them.

mummytofour

Sorry I cant read everything, so excuse me if I am covering stuff that is done and dusted.

I just wanted to say, I had no choice but to leave home at 18, I had a job and house prices were low so on my poxy retail salary we brought a flat in the south east and by 19 I was a mum.

Fast forward a million years and I am still with my husband and we now have 5 children. If my dd was 17 and pg I would not be letting her go down the homeless route ( i have been there on my travels and its not nice) Please don't think I am judging, but you sound like a person who carers about their dd. My parents didnt care about me and I had to do it all alone.
At 17 the world is scary and if it were my daughter I would be re-arranging the house to fit them all in until, they were able or ready to find their feet.

Good luck with helping but please dont be too ready to push her out, right now your dd is vulnerable.

mummytofour

davsidipp wrote: »

i am quite disgusted at some peoples posts are they for real or what.right this is my situation.daughter is 19 her boyfriend is 22 been together 3 years found out she was pregnant tried to get a place with the council not a chance and hears why they both work and we own a 4 bed detached house so they dont see why they should be offered housing.daughters wages are not to bad for her age at 18000 a year but her boyfriend earns less.still they would find it very hard to rent some where privately as most want 700 per month around here for a 1 bed flat.we have decided to let them stay with us till they get on their feet and get some money saved up.now i thought iwas in a tricky position but reading op post about his daughter i feel we are in a better position to help our daughter.please dont slate this chap as he is asking for information of what to do not critisim.i wish your daughter good luck in getting a council place but know how hard it is even if you work its not easy.on thing that shocked me is i went with daughter to register at council and while waiting to hand in forms was a woman with seven children all under 10 years old waiting to be housed im sorry but that i find wrong in this day and age to get to that position to get a home on the council.having 1 child with no proper living arrangement is a mistake but going on to have more in my eyes is mickey take and they should think of the child not expect the council to house them.

I thanked you for some of your post about your dd and how life is not straight forward for her.

However you had to spoil it with your judgemental comments on large families what do you think gives you the right to comment? Do you know her circumstances? Do you know she was not running away from domestic violence? Do you know she had not be evicted by a private land lord? Do you know her x had not drunk all the rent money, so she could not get up payments??? No I bet you dont.

Your daughter is very lucky to have a parent who cares so much about her and supports her, the lady with the 7 children also found herself on hard times but she didnt have the support like you daughter clearly does. I am sure you would not like the rest of the world commenting and judging her! So please dont be so harsh and judgemental, unless you have walked a mile in that persons shoes.

zoelouise88

Snooze wrote: »

Right, so just because you don't agree with abortion you think it's alright for the kid to be born into a world where its parents can't support it til it becomes an adult? Sorry but that makes you a very selfish person. Face facts, the kid is better off out of it.

She's 17 and he's 21 and a doley. I'll bet you £20 now that they're no longer together by the time the kid starts school - and that's being generous on the time frame. Very very few child pregnancy relationships last; all you've got to do is look on google for millions of pages of evidence. <<-- The average age at which couples split in UK is 42 for men and 39- for women

Sometimes you've got to do what's best for the kid, not what's best for you. :mad:

Rob

What a w**ker :mad: :mad: :mad: , a young couple are just as able to look after a child and have just as much change as lasting as a 'older' couple.
i was 17 and on benefits when i fell pregnant but know my oh works and is on a good wage so if we can do it so can others.
if anyone would have ever said my son would be 'better off out of it' they would have had a slap. Having my son was the best thing that has ever happened to me and him.

Merlot

tomstickland wrote: »

I think options closer to home are the path of least resistance. Living in a B&B with no facilities sounds apalling to me.


Could a room be converted?

Log cabin is a good one - I stayed in a bothy on a camp site and it was comfortable and warm.

I agree with the Log cabin idea or caravan, but if you have a new build do check the convenant (I cannot have a caravan/boat/greenhouse/shed without the permission of the builder as it states that on the convenant document the solicitor made us sign.)

My 16 year old niece was expecting and was told by the council she would have to join the housing list once she had given birth...that was three years ago and is still waiting for a house, she lives with her parents and it causes alot of tension..the toddler years can be a real nightmare. She was offered BB and a hostel, but you have to be pretty desperate to take some of them, some of those places are not for "nice" girls.

I hope all turns out for the best for you and your daughter.

Merlot.x.

P.s. I think you are lovely to offer the dining room, I hope your daughter realises how lucky she is to have caring parents like you.

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

LillyJ wrote: »

although obvious when you think of the figures as numbers rather than percentages it can shock people. 99% sounds reliable then you think how quickly a young coule can get to the 100th time....:o lets face it, you can take a big chunk out of that 100 every night you spend together .

The percentage figures aren't on a per-shag basis! They are based on the number of sexually-active women using that form of contraception who get pregnant in a year.

neverdespairgirl

poppysarah wrote: »

Speak to Shelter. Whether your home will be legally overcrowded will depend on what the various rules say about sharing rooms.
If her BF also moved in with you then you'd almost certainly be overcrowded.

However if it's come as a shock to you, then you might be too shocked to have them sharing a bed under your roof.

I'm not sure they would be overcrowded - if there is a spare reception room, should be OK.