Marriage over don't know where to start

Bargainfinder_3

Hi gert, I've been following this post for a while, and I would say dont feel bad, your parents would want to know; and probably felt worse if they had gotten back and found out that you had been struggling along without their support. Like you say, you feel much better now; and as you're their daughter they love you and would put your feelings before theirs.

Enjoy the selfless love of your parents! xx

Keeping_Motivated

SFH I hope the solicitors makes some of the more clinical stuff more clear for you. x

Gert I hope the house is better than you thought and I am sure your mum would prefer to know, I know as I parent that I would rather know than not so I could help if need be. x

Kizzy I'm sorry about your sister being ill that carp for her all and all of you. Hopefully it will give your dad a wake up call. I hope you're right about the tide turning but you already know that. This is something to think about further down the line but remember that he said he felt the pair of you should have talked years ago etc, well even though you don't want to harp on or make digs about the moose I think it would be a good idea to have some major 'talks' so he can't use that card again. Plus I am probably bringing my own 'stuff' in here coz I tell my husband we don't talk enough and he thinks we do and that all is fine. Its not causing us big problems but it does get me down sometimes that he brushes over things. I'm not saying this is what you do but with something so major going on its so important that you 'talk' eventually if that makes sense.

KM x

gerturdeanna

I went to CAB but it was shut!! Will have to try again tomorow - had a drive up to check out the new house.....I don't know what I expected but there are no curtains, no carpets, no cooker, garden is overgrown although others on the estate look good and well-maintained. I spoke to a resident of a nearby street and they said - only take it if you are desperate!!!! OMG!! What do I do now??
Think I'm going to stay here, ask solicitor for an occupancy order (don't know if that;s the right term?) bascially it gets him out of the house.

poppyg_2

Kizzy, judging by whats happened the past couple of days and obviously I don't know you or your husband but looking from the outside in, to me certainly it does look as though he might just be starting to realise what he'd be missing in letting you slip through his fingers

As others have said, there is no guarantee if you got back together that he wouldn't do it again but then there's never any 100% guarantee that anyone won't cheat on us, we just have to try and trust people.

People make mistakes, maybe this is just a little blip which i think given the number of happy years you've been together can definitely be worked through if you both want it to. My parents had been married approx 17 years when they split up and as far as we're aware since they got back together he hasn't strayed again. I think it was actually some sort of mid-life crisis, he'd been with my Mum since he was very young and maybe he had a couple of months of thinking the grass was greener and then soon realised it wasn't so green after all.

Not to stick up for him in any way because your husband has obviously been really horrible at times but maybe once he saw you it was easier for him to tell himself that he wasn't in love with you due to guilt he was feeling. Perhaps the anger he showed was actually anger at himself and the only way he could get that out was to be horrible to you.

I think you've both had a difficult year with losing your mum, money problems, him having to take a job away from home and perhaps this other woman seemed like to ideal escape from every day stresses.

Every situation on here is different, some of the others who have shared experiences of going through similar things have no doubt got partners/husbands who have shown their true colours and can never be trusted again and are as my Nan used to say "like my @rse, better out of sight!" - I am keeping my fingers crossed that this isn't the case with yours and if he is then you'll soon realise and I know you would then have the strength to get through life without him

kizzykizzywizzy

Love the saying poppyg:rotfl: will certainly be using that one in future!!
No-one has any guarantees in life, I really don't think he'd ever do anything like this again, he's never done it before - he hasn't got away with it this time, I know him too well, I knew something was wrong months ago, via him being snappy on the phone to me, I just thought he was depressed.
I'd know
Also there's no way he would put the kids through all of this again.
As for things he comes out with, he says things without thinking, once he wrote on our anniversary card, "I'll love you til the day you die!" I said thanks, so when I die you won't love me anymore:rotfl: he's not the sharpest tool in the box sometimes, but he's always been a fantastic husband & father & friend up to this point

gerturdeanna

Just been on the phone to the benefit people sorting out my Income Support and they have said I can claim whilst he is still here, and I may be able to get training or do further studies!! So all in all, a productive day!! Just got solicitors later.Housing officer just rang me, I can take that house as a single applicant, I would just need to fill in one form for a change of circumstance and I'm going seeing the inside on Friday at 2.00pm. Mum and Dad are back then so I'll take them with me.
Thngs are looking up!! Just waiting for 'it' to get home so I can get to the solicitiors!!

poppyg_2

Yes Nan always had some cracking sayings, that being one of her favourites!!

My Dad was exactly the same, acting strange for a good while before he suddenly blurted out that he was leaving, I'd gone for a bath and still remember like it was yesterday going downstairs grabbing some cereal and walking into the living room to find mum crying her eyes out and dad looking a bit well blank, I hadn't gone a clue what was going on so asked and mum was obviously so shocked she just blurted out exactly what he'd said to her. I promptly dropped my cornflakes

Looking back I think he was depressed, work had got on top of him, mum had a bit of ill health, think he was stressed and basically wanted to escape from us all. It was my Birthday a few weeks after he left and he actually forgot how old I was - not exactly normal behaviour for a father is it. It was like he wanted to pretend we didn't exact, totally bizarre.

It sounds like your husband is a good man who has just let himself get caught up in a bit of a stupid situation. It's not a case of just he's cheated so never take him back, no one can say that, none of us are perfect.

I really hope he is coming round to realise his mistakes and is soon wanting to make another go of things with the woman he should be with.

poppyg_2

Fab news Gert, well done you for making some really positive steps

gerturdeanna

Well, solicitor says the best bet is for me and the kids to stay put and for him to pay the mortgage and if he doesn't pay the mortgage then we will broach that as and when it happens. He also said that he has seen 500 clients since July with same sort of issues, so girls, we are defo not alone!!
Going to draw up a sort of plan with him later, if I can bear to be in the same room as him!! hehe

Bargainfinder_3

kizzy, do you think you could write down how you feel and let him read it? Sometimes it's a great way of communication, because you can think about what you want to say; and he has chance not to give you an instant reaction that might upset you? I am crossing my fingers for you xx